


Love Is Built On Pinky Promises

by ericaababyy



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop, Kim Jongin, Oh Sehun - Fandom
Genre: Chance Meetings, Drama, M/M, Mpreg, References to Depression, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 59,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5608678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericaababyy/pseuds/ericaababyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years ago, Oh Sehun is the victim of a sexual assault, resulting in a pregnancy that the newly-minted twenty-one-year-old is unprepared to handle. Mentally scarred and totally alone, he decides to put the baby up for adoption.</p>
<p>Flash forward and Sehun is living in a tiny, cluttered apartment, afraid of the world and all the dangers that lay in waiting. He hasn't forgotten what happened to him. He doesn't think he ever will. He lives comfortably, but always in fear.</p>
<p>Sehun doesn't think he'll ever be able to function like a normal person again. It scares him sometimes. Other times, he finds solace in the fact that the walls he's put up around himself will shield him from everything around him.</p>
<p>Until one day, a chance encounter at the grocery store leaves him staring wide-eyed at the most handsome man he's ever seen and a little girl who looks oddly like himself...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Description

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

** Oh Sehun **

28 

Reclusive, untrusting, and frightened of the world, until he meets Jongin and Nari.

He lost a part of himself when he was assaulted all those years ago.

They help him become whole again.

 

 

 

 

** Kim Jongin **

34

Chief marketing executive of Park and Company

As busy as he is, he always makes time for his daughter and, of course, Sehun.

He hopes that Sehun will eventually open to up to him, becuase all he wants is to be there for him.

 

 

 

 

 

** Kim Nari **

7

Daughter of Jongin

Dresses like a princess, but acts like a tomboy.

Her father is her idol and Sehun is her best friend.


	2. Prologue

“C’mon, Sehun. It’ll be fun!”

 

“No, Luhan,” the younger male sighed as he returned to his schoolwork.

 

“Pleeeease,” the blonde sitting next to him folded his fingers together and poked his lip out. “It’s your twenty-first birthday. I just want you to live a little, that’s all.”

 

Sehun put his pencil down and glared at him. “I told you already that I don’t care to party or to drink or… or whatever else it is that you’re trying to get me to do. I’m on scholarship, Luhan, and I’ve got one year left. I can’t afford to mess this up.”

 

“Aish. You’re such a stick in the mud sometimes. It’s _one_ night, Sehun. Nothing is going to happen. You don’t even have to drink if you don’t want to. It’s just… God, it’s miserable seeing you cooped up in the corner at the library all the damn time! Live a little!”

 

Sehun stared at him, lips pressed into a thin line. Luhan looked hopeful, biting his lip in curious excitement.

 

“Fine.”

 

“Yes! Thank you!” Luhan pulled his best friend into a hug.

 

“But, you have to _promise_ that you’ll actually stay with me. Don’t leave me standing against the wall by myself. You know I’m not good in crowds, Luhan.” The older male nodded excitedly in understanding. “God, the things this is going to do to my social anxiety….” Sehun groaned.

 

“It’s going to be great, Sehun! Don’t worry! This is going to be a night you’ll never forget!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun couldn’t stand the smell of sweat and cigarettes. The stench of alcohol on his best friend’s breath wasn’t too pleasing, either. Luhan was a sloppy drunk. Sehun cringed as he watched the lithe blonde grind against a hunk of man meat.

 

Luhan had broken his promise not even twenty minutes into their “night out.” He’d left Sehun sitting alone at the bar as he ordered himself a drink and proceeded to the dance floor. Sehun had been sitting there for over an hour, sipping on his cup of water, watching his friend shake his ass to the amusement of the men crowding around him. He just wanted to leave. He sighed as he gestured to the bartender for another cup of water. The man nodded and gave him a faint, knowing smile.

 

Another hour in and Sehun was done. He was so done with everything. So much for a happy birthday. That was such a joke. He had never been more miserable. He thanked the bartender and slipped him a few bills for his generosity throughout the night, then took the exit at the back of the building.

 

Their school wasn’t far from the club. Just a few blocks away. He’d be there within half an hour. Sehun normally took the bus if he needed to get somewhere. Of course, he never usually went _anywhere_. Much less at night. Walking alone in the dark had his skin crawling with goosebumps. He didn’t know exactly which part of town he was in, but he faintly remembered the way they’d came from.

 

He _hadn’t_ remembered cutting down an alley, though, but that’s where he’d ended up before he realized he was lost.

 

“ _Shit…_ ” He sighed to himself. He didn’t even have his cell phone on him to call Luhan.

 

“Hey there, beautiful…. You look like you could use some help.”

 

Sehun quickly turned around at the sound of the voice. A young man, probably not much older than him and even quite attractive, was walking toward him. Sehun instantly felt discomfort creep over him. “O-oh… Um, that’s okay. I-I’m almost home.” He turned back in the other direction and began to walk as quickly as he could away from the man without seeming too suspicious.

 

“Oh, come on now…” The man chuckled, running up behind Sehun and placing a hand on his shoulder. Sehun flinched. “I saw you at the bar. You looked amazing, even from far away. Too bad you left before I could come over and say hi,” He smirked.

 

“I wasn’t really feeling it. I-I’m just trying to get home. E-excuse me.” Sehun said politely as he pushed past the man.

 

“Don’t be like that, sweetness.” The man grabbed his wrist. “I think you just weren’t hanging with the right people. I could show you a real good time,” He chuckled lowly and pulled Sehun against himself.

 

Sehun placed a hand between their chests and tried to push the guy away, to no avail. “Please… l-let me go. I just want to go home.”

 

“How about a kiss first?” He leaned into Sehun and roughly placed his lips against the other’s.

 

Sehun went into fight or flight mode and since he couldn’t really run, he slapped the man across the face with his free hand. “Let me go!” He yelled, thrashing in the man’s arms.

 

That did nothing but anger the man further as he _growled_ at Sehun and punched the side of his cheek and several more times in the stomach. He pushed Sehun harshly against the side of the building. “You fucking cunt. I told you I wanted to show you a good time and you better believe I’m gonna fucking do it.”

 

He turned Sehun around so that his chest was now pressed painfully against the wall. He cringed as he felt the man tugging his pants down.

 

 _“No, no, please no…”_ Sehun pleaded over and over. He feared for what he _knew_ was about to happen.

 

He could hear the man shuffling to unbutton his own pants, one hand still pinning Sehun down. Sehun cried out when he felt the man’s hand roughly slap his exposed bottom. Nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared him for what came next.

 

He would have screamed if it weren’t for the hand now covering his mouth. He felt as if he were about to die. There was no lubrication as the man forced himself inside of Sehun. With every thrust, Sehun thought he was being ripped in half. He could plainly hear the grunts and groans of the other man in his ear, something he’d never forget – _couldn’t forget­._

 

Tears welled in his eyes, but Sehun couldn’t make a sound. He had become numb. He didn’t think the man would ever finish and finally Sehun just shut off. He could feel wetness on the back of his thighs now, which he only assumed could be his own blood, the man’s semen, or a mixture of the two. Sehun wanted to throw up, but he couldn’t move anymore. He could hardly think. He just wanted this to end. _He_ wanted to end.

 

He didn’t know how long it had been or when the pain had finally ended before he realized he was lying on the ground. He placed a hand down on the concrete and shakily stood up. He slowly bent down to pull his pants up and gasped at the sharp pain that shot through his back. He fell back to the ground and started sobbing.

 

How could he have let this happen? He should have waited for Luhan. He should have just stayed at the club. He should have never left home in the first place.

 

Sehun didn’t want to move. He stayed on the ground for who knows how long before he heard footsteps running up behind him. His eyes widened and he tried so hard to stand up and run away, but he couldn’t. He yelled out as a hand came around his shoulders, pulling him up.

 

“N-no! Please…” He cried.

 

“Sehun! Sehun, it’s me! Oh my God, what happened?!”

 

“L-Luhan?” He cracked an eye open. His friend pulled him tightly against his chest.

 

“Yes, it’s me. What happened to you, Sehun? I went back to the dorm, but you weren’t there, so I started walking around trying to find you and…. Oh, God…” Luhan squeezed him tightly as he started sobbing. “I’m sorry, Sehun. I shouldn’t have left you by yourself.”

 

Fresh tears stung Sehun’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around Luhan’s waist and buried his head in his shoulder. “H-he… he…. _raped_ me…” Sehun choked out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The next couple months went by in a haze. Luhan had taken Sehun to the police station to file a report, but nothing was ever found about the man who’d attacked Sehun. Sehun hardly left his dorm room anymore. He’d gotten his teachers to agree to let him send in his assignments online, as long as he showed up to class for the actual exams.

 

Sehun was terrified of everything. A knock on the door, a shout from the hallway, the loud sasquatch in the room above them stomping around at all hours of the day. Sehun wouldn’t leave the room at night. He _couldn’t_. Everything reminded him of that night. Everything brought back memories.

 

And to top it off, he’d been getting sick frequently. Sehun wrote it off to all the stress and his nerves since the attack. He’d wake up in the mornings and barely make it out of bed before he was throwing up whatever he’d eaten the night before.

 

He was so tired. So tired. He felt exhausted. He could barely move. Sehun had figured he’d simply sunken into depression. Even Luhan had grown tired of the “act” Sehun was putting on, as his friend had called it. Sehun was too tired to care when Luhan packed his things and moved into another room.

 

It wasn’t until four months after the incident that Sehun had decided to seek the help of a doctor. He was gaining weight, his hair was falling out, he hurt _everywhere_.

 

He sat in the back corner of the waiting room, away from the rest of the patients. He quietly waited for his turn. The nurse finally called his name and he followed her back to the exam room.

 

It was stark white and so… _sterile_. Sehun didn’t want to be here, but he knew he needed help.

 

After checking his vitals and drawing some blood, the nurse smiled and assured Sehun that the doctor would be in soon. She didn’t lie, because no less than ten minutes later, an older gentleman with a kind smile stepped into the room.

 

“Hello, Sehun. It’s nice to see you.” The man stuck his hand out and Sehun grasped it tentatively. “I’m Dr. Jang.”

 

Sehun nodded his head in acknowledgement as the man took his seat. “So, tell me. What brings you in here today, young man?”

 

Sehun told him. Hesitantly, at first, but spilling everything to the doctor, starting from the attack to the sickness and then the depression. The doctor nodded, jotting a few notes down on his clipboard here and there.

 

“Sehun, I first would like to say how sorry I am that this happened to you,” The man said genuinely placing his clipboard on the small table. “I can’t tell you how often that this happens and I wish we had a means to stop it or at least stop the mental suffering that the victims feel afterwards.” He sighed. “From the looks of it, I do believe you are suffering from depression. I can recommend a psychiatrist who has helped many people who have gone through what you have. She’s a good friend of mine and I know she’d take good care of you.”

 

“Th-thank you, Dr. Jang. I just want to stop feeling like this. I-I can’t take it anymore.”

 

Dr. Jang nodded. “I understand, son. I’ll call her office myself and schedule you an appointment. Let me just grab the results of your blood work and we’ll get everything set up. Sound good?” Sehun nodded appreciatively.

 

The doctor stepped out. Sehun let out a sigh. He hoped that the psychiatrist would really be able to help him.

 

“S-sehun.”

 

He looked up to see the doctor standing in the doorway with paperwork in his hands and a troubled look on his face.

 

“Y-yes?” Sehun pressed quietly, voice unsteady.

 

“Your bloodwork – it’s – I – I’ve got some difficult news to tell you…”

 

 

 

 

Pregnancy was awful. Sehun stayed sick and was bedridden on most days. It’s a wonder how he was even passing his classes.

 

After Dr. Jang had broken the news to him, Sehun broke down and cried right there on the checkup table. The doctor was very compassionate. He stayed beside Sehun for at least half an hour comforting him. Though, there couldn’t be much comfort found in a situation like this. He’d suggested aborting the baby, if Sehun didn’t want to go through with the pregnancy, but the blonde wouldn’t even think of it.

 

Sehun might have been _damaged_ mentally and physically, but no matter how much he wanted to block everything about that night out of his mind, he couldn’t end an innocent life. The child inside of him had nothing to do with this.

 

Dr. Jang had happily agreed to be Sehun’s primary doctor throughout the duration of his pregnancy. Sehun was grateful for that. He’d even started seeing the psychiatrist Dr. Jang had recommended him to, Choi Sooyoung. Just seeing her once a week was helping Sehun immensely. No, he wasn’t _healed_. He would probably never heal. But, he was surviving. And Dr. Choi was a huge part of that.

 

Both of his doctors had helped him find a good adoption agency and make the phone calls necessary to, well, get things in order. He wouldn’t abort the baby, but he knew that he couldn’t keep it. He didn’t think he’d be able to look at his child everyday and see his rapist’s face. It was sick, but it was the truth. Sehun couldn’t bear it. He wanted the child to have a happy life, one in which it would have two loving parents who could give it everything it ever wanted. Things that Sehun never had and would never be able to give to this child. He hoped that this child would only be so lucky and that it would never have to go through what Sehun had gone through. He didn’t want this baby to end up alone.

 

He was on his way to meet with his adoption agent now. He took the bus because he was too scared to walk down the street, not to mention the fact that he weighed as much as an elephant and waddled like a duck. His feet would begin to swell within ten minutes of standing on them.

 

He always sat in the very back of the bus, in a seat all alone. This is where he would think. About everything. Everything that he wanted to do and be. Everything that he could no longer even hope for.  He even thought about the baby inside of him. Who would they grow up to be? Would they be like Sehun? Would they be academically inclined? Would they want to be a writer? Or would they play sports? Maybe be Korea’s best soccer player?

 

Sehun stopped after that. He didn’t want to develop any feelings for this child other than that of temporary vessel. He would never be this child’s _father_.

 

The bus began to slow down as Sehun was pulled from his thoughts. He exited as quickly has he had entered and made his way down the block. The doors of the quaint, little building were always open – always inviting. There weren’t many things at all that Sehun could smile about these days, but the handprints and colorful pictures decorating the walls inside the doors always seemed to warm his heart somehow. The receptionist ushered him into his agent’s office as soon as she spotted him. She smiled a huge, genuine smile and pulled the door closed after Sehun had stepped inside.

 

“Sehun! I’m so glad to see you!” An older woman, most likely in her seventies, greeted him when Sehun sat down in the cushiony armchair.

 

“It’s nice to see you, too, Mrs. Nam.”

 

“Sweetheart, I have some wonderful news! We’ve found an adoptive parent for your baby!” She said enthusiastically, brightness gleaming in her eyes.

 

Sehun wanted to smile, but couldn’t. “P-parent? You mean just one?”

 

She nodded sadly. “I know you wanted your child to have two parents, but things don’t always work the way we’d like them to, dear.”

 

Sehun’s face fell. “Are there no other candidates?” He asked softly.

 

“I’m afraid not, sweetie.” She reached across the desk and grabbed Sehun’s hands with her small, frail ones. “Look, honey, this man is very nice. I’ve been doing this a long time and I know a good parent when I see one. He is it. He might not be married, but he’s a good choice, Sehun. He’s even offered to meet with you so you that you can get to know him.”

 

“N-n-no, I w-wanted this to be a closed adoption. I don’t want pictures or phone calls or meet-ups.” Sehun’s face was flushing. He sighed sadly. “I just need to know that this baby is going to the best possible parents.”

 

Mrs. Nam smiled warmly. “It will, sweetie. Of all the candidates I’ve interviewed in all my years here, this man seems more than qualified to father your child.” She squeezed his hands. “It would have a really _good_ life, Sehun,” She said quietly.

 

Sehun smiled faintly. “I trust you…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. “Okay. I’ll do it. Where should I sign?”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It was after eleven on the night of January thirteenth when Sehun’s water finally broke. The baby was overdue and Sehun was miserable. It had scared him, at first, when the fluid began to leak out of him. The contractions scared him even more. He thought he was going to die. Somehow, through all the pain, he had eventually made his way into the lobby of the dorm. When the resident assistant spotted him, she immediately called the hospital, then rushed over to Sehun’s side and held his hand until the ambulance arrived.

 

No less than thirty minutes later, Sehun was set up in his own room, IV already dripping, and contractions getting closer and stronger by the minute. Two hours later, and Sehun had his legs spread wide open and Dr. Jang was yelling for him to _push_.

 

Sehun was screaming. It hurt so bad. He thought he’d experienced pain during his assault, but that was just a scratch compared to labor. Tears were running down his cheeks, but he didn’t stop pushing. He couldn’t. This baby was determined to come out one way or another. Another hour had gone by and Sehun was exhausted. He had pushed and pushed and pushed and the baby wasn’t budging. Dr. Jang let him rest for only a couple minutes at a time.

 

“Alright, Sehun. Let’s try this one more time. After this, we’re going to go through with the cesarean section, okay?”

 

Sehun nodded, tears still rolling down his face.

 

“Okay, one…two… _push!_ ”

 

Sehun strained his face and pushed as hard as he could and –

 

The sounds of infantile crying filled the room. Sehun gasped and fell back. He covered his face with his hands as he began to sob.

 

“It’s a little girl, Sehun!” Dr. Jang said happily.

 

Sehun cried even harder.

 

A few minutes passed as the nurses tried to clear the baby’s nostrils and clean some of the blood off of her.

 

“Sehun, would you like to hold your baby?” One of the nurses asked kindly, the small bundle wrapped snugly in her arms.

 

“No,” Sehun cried angrily. “I don’t want to see her.” He turned his head away from the nurse and bit his lip to keep from crying out.

 

Why was the mental pain always so much worse than the physical pain?

 

 

A few hours later, once Sehun had been given a chance to rest, Dr. Jang knocked quietly on the door.

 

“Sehun?”

 

“Yes,” Sehun groaned hoarsely.

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

“Terrible.” He let out a small smile and the doctor chuckled.

 

“Your vitals look good. The baby is healthy. You did a good job, son. I know how hard this must be for you.”

 

“It is. But... I’m surviving.” Sehun sighed.

 

Dr. Jang nodded sadly in understanding. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but… the man who is adopting your daughter…. He’s here. He’s been here all night. I called him when I found out that you had gone into labor. He wants to meet you, Sehun. He wants to thank you.”

 

Sehun’s eyes brimmed with tears. “I-I can’t, Dr. Jang. I can’t do it. I don’t want to see him or the baby. Please… don’t let him in.”

 

“Shhh… it’s okay, Sehun.” Dr. Jang rubbed his arm soothingly. “I understand. I just thought you should know. I’ll let you rest again. I’ll have the nurses bring some breakfast up for you in a few hours. Get some sleep, okay?”

 

Sehun nodded and closed his eyes. When Dr. Jang shut the door, Sehun opened them again. He sat for the next hour just… thinking. Thinking about everything. He decided there was something that he _did_ need to do before the sun came up.

 

 

 

 

Sehun looked into the window of the nursery. So many babies, but even so, he knew exactly which one was _her_. He looked down the halls to make sure no one was around. The waiting area was almost vacant, except for the lone man sleeping on the couch.

 

His back was turned to Sehun, but Sehun could clearly see that man couldn’t have been much older than him, judging by his physique. His brown hair was shaggy from the angle he was laying and the navy blue sweater and black trousers he was wearing made his financial status quite apparent. Sehun wondered if he had a baby in this nursery, too.

 

Sehun held onto his IV line and tiptoed past him quietly. He opened the door to the nursery and walked to the crib where he knew she’d be. He looked down at the small being in the crib and smiled. 

 

“Hi,” He whispered softly. “My name is Sehun.” He gripped the metal pole holding his IV tightly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“I’m not sure what your name is. I heard that you’re going to be getting a really great dad. I hope he is. I-I haven’t met him. I bet that you’ll be really happy with him, though.”

 

Sehun wiped a tear that had fallen down his cheek.

 

“That’s kind of why I’m here. I wanted to say goodbye. I won’t see you again after this.” The baby poked her tiny lip out.

 

“I just wanted to let you know…” Sehun sucked in a sharp breath. “That I love you.”

 

“I’ve never said that to anyone before. I’m sorry that we couldn’t meet under better circumstances. No matter what anyone tells you, you are perfect. It doesn’t matter how you got here. You’re here,” Sehun sobbed.

 

He looked at the clock.

 

“It’s time for me to go now, baby. It was nice meeting you. I wish hellos didn’t have to be the hardest goodbyes.” He bent down slowly and kissed the beautiful little girl on her forehead.

 

As he turned to walk out the door, not once did he notice the nicely dressed man with dishevelled hair standing at the far end of the window, watching them with tears in his own eyes.


	3. Chapter One

The soft light of the morning sun crept through the windows. Or rather, the cracks between the curtains. Sehun never opened them. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy the sun and the nature that lay beneath its warmth; he did. He was simply too scared to appreciate it.

 

It had been _seven years_ and Sehun still vividly remembered the night he was attacked. He relived it almost every night in his ~~dreams~~ nightmares. He was almost insomniatic, too scared to fall asleep for fear of dreaming. Though, some nights he dreamed of the little girl. Those were the good nights – when he was at peace.

 

He wasn’t in therapy anymore. He did still occasionally get a call from Sooyoung and sometimes from Dr. Jang just to check up on him. Sehun appreciated them more than they would ever know.

 

It wasn’t as if Sehun _weren’t_ a functioning member of society. He was… for the most part. Okay, so that’s a lie. Sehun refused to leave the tiny, cluttered attic that he called a home. He worked as an editor – something that, thankfully, he could do from the comfort of his computer. 

 

He’d moved to Seoul about eight months after having the baby. Opportunities were just better here. He rented a small loft from a kind-hearted elderly couple that ran the dry cleaner downstairs. It was affordable and it was away from people. No one bothered him up there. Once a month, he would slip his rent into a basket full of fresh fruits and vegetables and leave the basket on the countertop downstairs before Mr. and Mrs. Lee opened for business that day. Though they didn’t know the details of Sehun’s life, they were kind enough to respect his quirks and left him to himself.

 

Sehun communicated with other human beings, but rarely in person. It was mostly through email, like when he had to contact his home publishing office for information on his next assignment. Though, if he had to be honest, it did get tiring. Sitting at his computer day in and day out, constantly working to fill the void of human interaction in his life. The only constants in his life were work and food. Sleep came randomly.

 

Sehun had just finished the last page of the chapter he’d been working on for the last week. The work itself could hardly be referred to as literature. It was terrible. Without editors, most of the world’s bestselling works of lit would be nothing but pieces of paper bound in leather sitting atop a shelf collecting dust.

 

Sehun cracked his knuckles and stood up from his desk. He walked lazily to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Only an almost empty carton of milk and a single, rotting tomato remained. Sehun opened the milk, took a whiff, and nearly puked right there. It had soured. And Sehun shuddered. He’d have to go to the grocer.

 

Going to the grocery store was no big feat for most people. Then again, Sehun wasn’t most people. He was reluctant to leave the safety of his dark, isolated abode. He had become a bit OCD when it came to going out into the public. Not without reason, of course. Sehun knew that wherever a person went, danger was sure to follow. You may not be able to see it, but it’s there, lurking in the shadows. Waiting to snatch up its next victim. You could never be too careful and Sehun was more than aware of that fact.

 

He slipped a light jacket on over his t-shirt, tied the laces on his sneakers, and grabbed a few bills out of the cookie jar on the counter, placing them safely in the pocket of his jeans. He felt the pocket of his jacket to make sure his pepper spray was still there. He made sure to lock both locks on his door before heading downstairs and out into the unknown and untrusted.

 

Sehun walked briskly down the sidewalk, taking huge leaps to avoid accidentally bumping into strangers and damn sure staying away from alleys. He arrived at the grocery store in less than fifteen minutes. Sehun’s shopping routine was strategically planned. He shopped only the perimeters, carefully and quickly maneuvering through the crowds of people. With such a low-exercise lifestyle, shopping only the perimeter of the store kept Sehun away any of the tempting junk food would slow his metabolism. It also kept his shopping time short. The quicker he got in and out, the better.

 

He had made it to the checkout and quickly paid for his items without difficulty. The cashier recognized him and gave him a shy smile. Sehun smiled back as best he could. It came out strained, but Sehun hadn’t smiled in so long that he was surprised he even remembered how.

 

He grabbed his bags and made a beeline for the doors. In such a rush, he was quite disconcerted when was unexpectedly knocked back by something. Sehun dropped to the ground, bracing himself for a panic attack, when a small voice asked if he was alright. He looked up. A little girl, no more than six or seven, is standing before him, holding out a can of soup that Sehun had dropped.

 

"My daddy always tells me not to run, but sometimes I don’t listen because I like running." She looked down with a sad expression on her face. "I'm really sorry, Mister. I didn't mean to knock you down."

 

Sehun began to stand up. "It’s… it's okay." He tentatively accepted the can from the young girl. She looked almost… familiar, but Sehun couldn’t seem to place her.

 

"Kim Nari! I said absolutely _no running_!" A loud voice boomed from the door. Startled, Sehun looked up and he was suddenly staring at the most beautiful man he'd ever seen. The man was still trying to catch his breath when he noticed Sehun standing there with a look of confusion washed over his face. The man’s own face softened.

 

“Sir, I apologize for my daughter. She’s still learning her manners.” The man glared at the little girl he had referred to as Nari. Suddenly, he grasped one of Sehun’s hands in his own and Sehun freezes, his breath stopping completely. “Did she hurt you? Are your groceries ruined?”

 

Sehun is shocked at how completely concerned the man looks. His eyebrows are furrowed and his lips are slightly parted as if awaiting a reply. _Oh, right_. Sehun is supposed to be the one replying. The only problem is that he can’t move. Or breathe, for that matter.

 

Somewhere in the next few minutes, Sehun is able to mumble out a few words. “I-I-I’m f-fine. Thanks. I-I need to go.” Sehun looks down at the man’s hand on his own. His cheeks turn red, but he can’t pull his hand away. He is unable to move, so he continues to stare at their hands with wide eyes. The man seems to suddenly understand and he quickly releases Sehun’s hand.

 

“I’m sorry about that. I hope you’ll be okay.” The man rubbed the back of his neck, observing Sehun carefully, but the latter refused to meet his gaze. “My name is Jongin,” He said quietly. “This is my daughter, Nari,” He stated, pulling the young girl to his side.

 

Sehun took a deep breath and finally looked up slowly. “M-m-my name is… Sehun,” He stuttered nervously.

 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, then, Sehun.” Jongin smiled warmly. He turned to his daughter then. “Nari, you should apologize to Sehun for running into him.”

 

“But, Dad… I already did….” He scowled at her.

 

“ _Nari_ …” He warned.

 

The young girl groans and looks up at Sehun. “As I’ve said before, I’m really sorry, sir. It was an honest mistake.”

 

“I-it’s fine… Really. N-no harm… no foul.”

 

Nari smiled at Sehun before reaching into the pocket of her denim sundress. Before Sehun knows it, she’s pressing two coins into his hand. Sehun freezes again, giving her a look of question. “Just in case the can got dented when I knocked you down,” She explains with a grin.

 

Sehun’s lips part, unsure of what to say. “Th-thanks,” He nods to her.

 

“Well, Nari, I guess we’d better let Sehun get back to what he was doing before we interrupted.” Jongin ruffles her hair and she giggles, swatting his hand away.

 

Jongin smiles at Sehun. “It was very nice meeting you.”

 

Sehun nods politely in response.

 

“Maybe we’ll bump into you again sometime?” Jongin winks and flashes Sehun a toothy grin, before grabbing Nari’s hand and heading further into the store.

 

Sehun looked down at his feet and smiled for the second time that day.

 

 

 

 

Sehun had one more stop to make before he could go home. He was due to pick up his prescription of sleeping aid at the pharmacy. He was quick to arrive to the small store, walking right up to the counter and showing his prescription card, as usual. The woman behind the counter smiled and went into the back to retrieve his medicine. Though he hadn’t been out long, Sehun was relieved when was finally finished with his errands. He could finally go home to his safe haven.

 

Holding his grocery bags in one hand and his medicine in the other, he somehow managed to open the door to the shop. He was looking down at the ground as he walked inside and didn’t notice the person standing in front of him. Before Sehun knew it, he had dropped everything in his hands as he collided with the solid figure in front of him.

 

His breath hitched and he shut his eyes tightly as his heart rate sped up. He was going to have a panic attack right there – he could feel it coming on. He clenched his hands, knuckles turning white.

 

“You know, I think you’re going to have to make another trip to the grocer. This can of soup has been through the wringer.” That familiar, deep voice lulled him out of his episode. Sehun cracked his eyes open slowly, breath quickening, the beat of his heart beginning to slow down.

 

“Didn’t realize we’d be bumping into each other again so soon.” Jongin laughed as he handed Sehun his grocery bags. He bent down to pick up Sehun’s medication and glanced at the label. His expression faltered, if only for a second, before he was smiling at Sehun again, placing the small bag in his hand.

 

“Th-thank you,” Sehun breathed out. “I’m sorry about that. I-I wasn’t paying attention.”

 

“No worries,” Jongin grinned. “No harm, no foul right?” He said softly. Sehun nodded in response.

 

“So… do you work here? If you don’t mind me asking, of course.” Jongin was making small talk. This was something that terrified Sehun the most about being in public, yet with this man… Sehun didn’t feel threatened. The feeling of _not_ feeling scared… well, that was something new entirely. And it scared Sehun so much more.

 

“N-no…” Sehun finally said, after some slight hesitation. “I l-live here.”

 

“You live here?!” The little girl from earlier piped up out of nowhere, startling Sehun. He nodded slowly.

 

“If you live here, then where’s your bed?!” She pursed her lips into a thin line and furrowed her brows. She stared at Sehun skeptically.

 

Sehun chuckled. He _chuckled_. It was such a weird noise that came from his throat. It was a sound he hadn’t heard in seven years. It shocked him, to say the least. He looked down at the little girl. “I live… I live upstairs,” He said quietly.

 

“Really?! _Upstairs_? There’s a house up there?” She smiled brightly. “I want to see! Daddy, can I go see Sehun’s house!?”

 

Sehun opened and closed his mouth. Of all the things Sehun was not comfortable with, this was at the top of his list.

 

“Nari,” Jongin warned. “That’s not polite.”

 

The little girl frowned sadly. “Can I please see your house?” She looked up at Sehun, eyes wide, teary, and curious – like a puppy’s. Sehun knew now why people used such an expression.

 

Sehun took a deep breath before answering. “M-maybe… maybe next time.”

 

Nari squealed with excitement.

 

“Oh, no…” Jongin gasped.

 

Sehun looked at him, eyes wide and worrying. “W-what is it?” He asked softly.

 

“You shouldn’t have said that. She’s going to hold you to that, you know? She’s going to be looking for you every time we come back here and she’s going to ask you if she can see your house.” He paused and smiled at Sehun. “She’s seven. What can I say?” He laughed.

 

Sehun looked down at his feet, furrowing his brows.

 

“Well,” Jongin began. “I guess we should be going. I just came to drop off my dry cleaning.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. “Maybe we’ll see you again next time.” Jongin smiled brightly. “Goodbye, Sehun.”

 

Sehun watched as he headed out the door. “Come on, Nari,” Jongin called behind him, urging the little girl to follow. She grabbed her father’s hand and skipped outside. Sehun’s expression softened and his lips upturned slightly as he turned to head up to his own apartment.

 

If only he knew how much more interesting his life was about to become.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter isn’t as long or as interesting as I hoped it’d be, but that’s okay. ^^ I just want to warn you guys now, the relationship between Jongin and Sehun will probably be a slow build, romantically. Sehun has a lot of issues to work through, so don’t expect them to fall in love over night.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading. <3 If you like it, please don’t forget to leave kudos & subscribe. ^^ It would make me happy and fill my wittle heart with butterflies.
> 
> Please pardon the mistakes. I tried to catch all of them, but I’m sure I missed a few in there somewhere.


	4. Chapter Two

Sehun was nearly finished editing the novel. _Finally_. He’d grown tired of this person’s writing etiquette. Or lack, thereof. Sehun never actually _wanted_ to be an editor, but given his circumstances… he played the hand he was dealt.

 

Sehun had dreams of being an author. Writing the words brought forth in his own mind. Back when he was still in college, he would write short stories and submit them to local writing competitions. He won first place on several occasions. Those medals were all packed away in boxes now. Sehun couldn’t even hope for it anymore. Now it was nothing but a pipe dream.

 

An hour later and Sehun was sending the finished document to his publishing office. He closed his laptop and stood up, yawning as he stretched his stiff limbs. It was almost noon when he checked the clock. Plenty of time for a quick shower and some lunch before he had to get busy on his next assignment.

 

Sehun grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from his closet and laid them out on his bed. He went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting the water warm up as he stripped his clothes. Testing the temperature of the water with his finger, he made a noise of approval and stepped in.

 

He relished his time in the shower, practically moaning as the hot water cascaded down his back in rivulets. Long, hot showers were the one thing he allowed himself to splurge on. It was the only pleasure he took out of life.

 

Sehun squeezed a small amount of soap onto his hand, spreading some of it over his hair and rubbing the excess across his abdomen. He looked down as he did so and, not for the first time, let his gaze linger on the single scar beside his belly button. The stretch mark was just another constant reminder that he was a survivor. Sehun wasn’t living – _he was surviving._

 

 

 

Sehun threw his clothes on, towel drying his hair before throwing the dirty towel into the hamper. He felt refreshed. He felt good. He also felt hungry.

 

Sehun’s stomach growled as he made his way into the kitchen. He opened the fridge, which was, thankfully, completely stocked now. He was just about to pull out a carton of eggs, but a knock on his door surprised him.

 

He was going to panic again. He couldn’t help it. His heart began to race as he tried to convince himself that it was _just Mr. or Mrs. Lee. It’s just Mr. or Mrs. Lee. It’s just Mr. or Mrs. Lee._

 

He crept over to the door slowly. He looked through the peephole, but didn’t see anyone. Was he just hearing things? Was he finally going crazy? He turned the locks and opened the door slowly. All of a sudden, it was barging through the door.

 

Sehun was shocked, at first. It was her. It was Nari. In his house. His comfort zone. She was in it. She was all over it. Sehun was panicking. It took him a full minute before he finally realized that she was speaking.

 

“So, this is your house?!” She said excitedly as she looked around Sehun’s small living room and kitchen. “This is really cool!”

 

Sehun couldn’t breathe. _What was she doing here?_ He could do nothing but watch as she went from room to room.

 

“It’s so small!” She aimed a toothy grin up at Sehun as she fianlly came to stand beside him. “I wish I could live in a cute house like this. Daddy says when I get older I can live wherever I want. But since I live under _his roof_ I have to follow _his rules_.” She put air quotes around something that her father had obviously said to her many times. “Do your parents tell you what to do, too? My daddy gets on my nerves sometimes. Sometimes I just wanna color on the walls. Is that too much to ask?” She sighed deeply as she looked down at the ground. Not a second later, she looked back up with a smile. “I still love him, though. He always lets me have my dessert before dinner.” Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she stared up at Sehun. For such a small child, she talked an awful lot.

 

Sehun was still standing there, stiff as a board, when he heard a familiar, loud voice coming from the stairwell.

 

“Kim Nari, I swear on my life if you are hiding up here I am taking away your baseball and glove! _I’m getting too old to chase you –“_ Jongin paused as he came to a halt in front of Sehun’s open door. “– _around everywhere_ …” He finished, panting as he put his hands on his knees.

 

“Sehun… hi.” Jongin stood up straight when he noticed Sehun staring at him, mouth agape.

 

Sehun closed his mouth and nodded in Jongin’s direction. What was it with these people and invading the personal safety bubble that Sehun had worked so hard to build?

 

“I’m sorry if she’s been bothering you. She ran away when I was picking up my suit downstairs,” Jongin glared in Nari’s direction. She scooted behind Sehun. Sehun’s eyes widened, not in discomfort, but in surprise, when her small hands grabbed his as she peeked around him to look at her father.

 

“I-it’s fine…” Sehun mumbled.

 

Jongin smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s funny how we keep running into each other. _Literally_.” Jongin laughed. “I know you’re probably busy, though, so we’ll get out of your way.”

 

“I-I-I was just going to m-make lunch. It’s okay,” Sehun tried smiling, but his attempt was feeble.

 

“Really?” Jongin’s eyes widened. “We were just about to grab lunch, as well. Why don’t you join us?”

 

“N-n-no! That’s okay… I really don’t f-feel comf…” Sehun trailed off.

 

“Please? I insist. Let me buy you lunch to make up for all the trouble we’ve caused you,” Jongin poked his lip out and Sehun felt himself melting.

 

“I d-don’t know…”

 

Nari ran to Sehun and grabbed his hands, looking up at him with those darn puppy eyes again. “ _Please, Sehun…._ ” She poked her bottom lip out.

 

As much as Sehun wanted to say “ _No, I am absolutely not comfortable with this because there is a ninety-nine point nine percent chance I’ll have a panic attack and black out or worse,”_ he couldn’t. Jongin and Nari were giving him that… that look and Sehun was falling for it. How could he? He’d spent years building a wall around himself and his life and here were these people that he’d only known for two days trying to tear everything down. But, why wasn’t Sehun completely afraid of that happening?

 

Sehun sighed. “O-okay. B-but, I’m… I don’t know how to say this. I-I have a f-form of social anxiety. I-I can’t…” Sehun was struggling to find words, but Jongin didn’t even let him finish.

 

“Don’t worry, Sehun. I know just the place. Just trust me, okay?” Jongin smiled tenderly.

 

Sehun was apprehensive, but relented. “I need to… to change my clothes.” He looked down at the sweatpants and old, oversized t-shirt he was wearing.

 

Jongin nodded in understanding. “We’ll give you some time, then. Nari and I will wait downstairs.” He smiled. “Come on, Nari.” He held out his hand to his daughter, who skipped over to him and grabbed it with a huge grin on her face.

 

 _“Daddy, I really like Sehun. Do you think he wants to see my house, too?”_ Sehun could still faintly hear the girl talking as she and her father walked down the stairs. Sehun chuckled. Again. That was going to take some getting used to.

 

 

 

 

Sehun came down the stairs in a pair of skinny jeans and a grey sweater. He wasn’t too up to date when it came to style, as he never left his house, but he figured anything would be better than sweatpants. As promised, Jongin and Nari were waiting just below. They met him with a smile and when Sehun glanced over toward the dry cleaning counter, Mrs. Lee beamed at him and gave him a thumbs up. Sehun was baffled, but he smiled awkwardly back at her, anyways.

 

Sehun looked at Jongin nervously as they stepped outside. Sehun wanted to turn around, run back up those stairs, get inside his apartment, lock the doors, and hide under his blankets until he felt safe again. Instead, he settled with a “Where are we going?”

 

Jongin chuckled. “You’ll see.”

 

Sehun glared at him. Surprises were not something he thought highly of. Jongin noticed his scowl.

 

“Don’t worry, Sehun. You’ll like where we’re going. Trust me.” He paused for a minute. “I… I know what having anxiety is like,” He said softly. “I had a panic disorder when I was younger. I kind of recognized some of the same signs in you.”

 

Sehun raised his brows. “You… you did?”

 

Jongin nodded. “I did. And it took years of therapy, but I’m great now. Better than great,” He smiled warmly.

 

Sehun looked down at the ground as his feet moved steadily along the pavement. “I wish I knew how to stop feeling this way.”

 

Jongin frowned. “It’s not easy. But, it’s not impossible. The first step is always the hardest to climb. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s scary. But…” He glanced down at Nari, a fond smile tugging at his lips. “It’s worth it in the end. To finally feel like you’ve got something to live for.”

 

Sehun said nothing as he thought about what Jongin said. There was something so intrinsically honest about Jongin and, much as it terrified Sehun to admit it, he found himself drawn to the man. Sehun was still far in his thoughts when he realized that Jongin and Nari had come to a stop. Sehun looked up.

 

“J-Jongin… th-this place is really crowded,” Sehun said softly as he began to back away from the door of the small café.

 

Jongin carefully reached out and placed a hand ever-so-lightly on Sehun’s arm. “This isn’t where we’re going. I’m just picking up our order. If you’d like, Nari can wait out here with you. I’ll be back in less than five minutes.”

 

Sehun looked fearful and Jongin could plainly see that. Jongin held his hand up, pinky finger raised. “I pinky promise.”

 

Hesitating, Sehun slowly unfurled his own finger and linked it with Jongin’s. Jongin grinned, his face lighting up as if he’d achieved something.

 

“O-okay. P-please hurry back….” Sehun whispered and Jongin nodded before quickly setting off into the café.

 

“Sehun?”

 

He looked down when he heard that small voice speak his name. “Y-yes?”

 

“You don’t have to be scared,” Nari said softly, grabbing a hold of his hand. “I’ll protect you, okay?”

 

“A-and how do you propose to do that?”

 

Nari changed her stance, putting one foot in front, bending just so that her knee was in line with her toes. “I know taekwondo,” She said seriously, pinning her brows with a more adorable rather than fierce scowl.

 

Sehun tentatively reached a hand out, laying it tenderly atop Nari’s head. She looked up at him, a curious expression on her face.

 

“Th-thank you, Nari.” Sehun smiled genuinely. Nari’s face softened and her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled back at him.

 

A few seconds later, Jongin was walking out the doors, one large paper bag in his hand. “Are you two ready?” He asked, a grin spreading across his face.

 

Sehun nodded. “I think I am now.” He looked down at Nari and the two shared a quick smile.

 

 

 

 

 

“Okay, Sehun, this is it…” Jongin said softly, pausing in his step. Sehun was freaking out again. It was a park. They were at the park. The park in which people played and jogged and rode their bikes.

 

“Th-this isn’t better than the c-café…” Sehun whispered, taking in a breath as he looked around the large, grassy area that seemed to stretch for miles.

 

“I told you…” Jongin smiled. “Trust me.” He looked at Nari and the little girl nodded. Suddenly, Sehun’s hand was taken in hers and he gasped as the father-daughter duo led him into the park.

 

Sehun tried to even out his breathing, closing his eyes and picturing the scene around him as empty, not a soul in sight. It might have worked, but Sehun could still hear the shouting and laughing from the people all around them. He was tense and he was scared and he wished that he’d never left his apartment.

 

Sehun kept his eyes closed as he let Nari continue to pull him. As they walked, the voices around him seemed to get further and further away, until finally, the only thing Sehun could hear was the soft chirp of the birds and the sound of the breeze rustling the leaves on the trees.

 

“Sehun,” Jongin said softly. “You can open your eyes now.”

 

And Sehun did. Slowly and one eye at a time, he opened them. He gasped. Not in fright, but in wonder. The people were all gone. They were left on their own in a small, cornered section of the park, secluded by a long row of tall trees. The space was open and grassy and it was just… it was beautiful. It was so beautiful. Flowers blooming, grass bright green and undisturbed.

 

“This…” Sehun began. “This is nice.”

 

Jongin chuckled. “I told you that you could trust me.”

 

Sehun bit his lip, looking down at the ground. “I-I’m sorry, Jongin… That’s kind of hard for me to do.”

 

Jongin’s smile faltered. “Sehun, you don’t have to apologize.”

 

Sehun just shrugged his shoulders meekly as he looked back up.

 

Jongin placed the bag on the ground and began to dig around inside. He pulled out a towel – no, it was a blanket. A large blanket, Sehun observed, as Jongin began to unfold it. He gestured to Sehun and Nari to grab the corners and they all worked to spread it over the grass. Nari plopped down, lying on her back, staring up at the sky, while her father pulled the rest of the contents from the bag.

 

Jongin set the three covered dishes in the middle of the blanket and urged Sehun to sit. He smiled at the younger man as he removed the lids. In one dish, there were muffuletta sandwiches. They had toothpicks with tiny little colorful flags stuck in them. In another, chunks of watermelon, cantaloupe, and pineapple. And in the last dish, there were three lemon bars, delicately dusted with powdered sugar. One for each of them. As for their drinks, three bottles of apple juice were included.

 

“Wow…” Sehun breathed. “This looks really good.  I-I didn’t know cafés had this kind of service.”

 

Jongin chuckled. “They don’t. The owner is my best friend’s husband. I gave him a call while we were waiting for you downstairs and he said he’d make something special for us.”

 

Sehun was silent for a few moments before speaking up. “That was really nice of him.”

 

“It was,” Jongin smiled. When no one said anything after that, Jongin cleared his throat. “So, um… are you two just going to stare at the food all day or are you going to help yourselves?” He laughed.

 

Nari was the first to shoot up and grab for the lemon bars. Sehun eyed her in curious wonder. She ate almost like a squirrel would. Sehun followed suit and grabbed a lemon bar of his own. Nari let out a sniffle just as he was about to take a bite.

 

“I wish Kyungsoo oppa would have packed more lemon bars,” She said with a sigh. “It was really good and now mine is all gone.”

 

Sehun pressed his lips together and stuck his hand out. “Here… You can have mine.”

 

Nari’s eyes shot up to Sehun’s and her mouth opened and closed. “R-really?” Sehun nodded. “Oh my gosh, thank you!” She accepted it graciously and went to work nibbling away.

 

Jongin chuckled. “And _you_ can have _mine_ ,” He handed his own lemon bar to Sehun. “You know, you don’t have to give in to her every whim,” He said after a few minutes.

 

“B-b-but… she looked so sad….”

 

“That’s how kids get you!” Jongin grinned. “They act so sweet and innocent. Really, all they want is your food,” He said very matter-of-factly.

 

“ _Dad_ …” Nari groaned.

 

“What? It’s true!” He laughed.

 

 

 

 

Half an hour later, they were all spread out on the blanket, bellies full and eyes heavy as they let the sun warm them with it’s bright rays.

 

“Sehun!” Nari shot up. He sat up and looked at her, worry written on his face.

 

“W-what’s wrong?” He asked hesitantly.

 

“Nothing!” She giggled. “I just wanted you to play ball with me!”

 

“O-oh….” Sehun whispered. “I-I’m not very good at sports or anything…” He murmured, shaking his head.

 

“ _Pleaseee_ ,” She poked her lip out. _No, not again with the puppy dog eyes_ …. Sehun groaned internally. She blinked up at him, batting her long, black eyelashes.

 

“F-fine, I guess….” He stood up from where he was sitting. He could hear Jongin laughing.

 

“She _does_ know what ‘no’ means, Sehun…” He grinned. It was too late, though. She was already pulling Sehun to the middle of the small field.

 

Nari showed him how to hold his glove and how to catch the ball. She ran to her own side, her yellow sundress blowing in the wind as she ran. She didn’t seem to care at all. She was simply a free spirit. Sehun might have envied her slightly for it.

 

Sehun and Nari threw the ball back and forth for well into an hour. Sehun had forgotten what fun felt like, but that’s exactly what he had with Nari. _Fun_. By the end of it, they were both trudging back to the blanket, exhausted and out of breath as they plopped down beside one another.

 

“I haven’t been to a park in years….” Sehun admitted softly after a few minutes, still staring up at the clouds, mesmerized by the figures he’d been able to make out in their fluffy shapes. “I haven’t been outside much at all.”

 

Jongin smiled warmly, though he doubted Sehun could see it. “Maybe you could come back with us sometime... I’d like that and I think Nari would, too. I’m pretty sure you’ve just become her best friend,” He laughed.

 

Sehun closed his eyes as he thought about it. His face softened and he smiled a real smile. “I-I…” He took a breath. “I think I’d like that, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for updates ~ ^^ Sorry for any and all mistakes. I tried to catch them all. :P I hope you guys enjoy. Leave kudos/Comment/Subscribe if you do. It would make my heart happy. :3


	5. Chapter Three

Three weeks had passed and Sehun hadn’t heard from Jongin. Sehun couldn’t say that he was surprised. He also couldn’t say that he was completely upset. He could finally get back to his routine. Sehun thrived on routines.

 

His last shopping trip was a success. He even picked up his sleeping medication _and_ bought hotteok from the stand next to the pharmacy for the first time. And he didn’t have a single panic attack. Sehun was proud of himself.

 

Sehun hated to admit it, but he actually _had_ been thinking about Jongin and Nari quite a bit. He didn’t understand why. They were little more than strangers to him. Sehun didn’t want to see them again. He really didn’t. They made him do things that normally would have killed Sehun.

 

So, why was it that they never left his mind? From Nari’s adorable laugh to Jongin’s bright smile. There was something so familiar about them, but he couldn’t place it. Sehun didn’t know how or why, but they felt like comfort to him.

 

He sighed and flipped over on the couch, pulling his blanket over his head. Suddenly, the ‘ _Ping!_ ’ went off on his cell phone, signaling that he’d received an email. Sehun reluctantly plucked his phone off of the coffee table.

 

Opening the email app, Sehun noticed that it was a message from his publishing company. They’d decided to go through with promoting the book. Sehun scoffed. _The book was a piece of…_ That was beside the point, though, Sehun thought.

 

He continued reading. Apparently, they needed him to send some information about the book to a man named _J. Kim_. That was well enough; Sehun could do that. He went over to his desk and sat down, opening his laptop. He got his email ready and began to type.

 

****

**_From:_ ** _S. Oh_

**_To:_ ** _J. Kim_

 

_Mr. Kim,_

_Here is the information you requested in regards to the book, “A Time To Cry.” I’ve attached several files and notes that I’ve personally taken as I edited each individual chapter, as well as side notes from the author._

_My company and I thank you for your interest in this exceptionally well-written memoir._

_If you have any further questions, feel free to contact me._

_All the best,_

_S._ _Oh_

_Heart and Seoul Publishing House_

It pained Sehun to write that email. He cringed as he typed out “exceptionally well-written.” That was the joke of the decade. He was about to close his laptop, but another email pinged.

 

_J. Kim…_

 

Sehun opened it.

 

 

**_From:_ ** _J. Kim_

**_To:_ ** _S. Oh_

_Mr. Oh,_

_Thank you for your timely response._

_The notes are great. They are going to help out a lot as we get the ball rolling in the marketing department._

_If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to meet with you in person one day to gather a few more details from you. You’re probably wondering why I’m not asking the author. You see, authors tend to be a bit biased when it comes to their own work. I’d like to hear from a reviewer’s perspective._

_Please let me know when you will be available, so I can clear my schedule._

_Again, thank you so much._

_I really appreciate it._

_J. Kim_

_Executive Director_

_Park and Company_

Sehun lost his breath. This guy wanted to meet with him? _I-i-in_ _person_? No. Absolutely not. Sehun had an agreement with his company that he was not be sent “into the field” under any circumstances.

 

Sehun quickly got to work on another email, to his own company this time. He’d forwarded them the email he received from Mr. Kim, notifying them that they’d have to send another associate in his place.

 

In no less than fifteen minutes, Sehun got a response. Sehun was flabbergasted at what was written in the email. They refused. They _refused_! They couldn’t do that! Could they…?

 

They went on to further explain that Mr. Kim was highly respected and sought after in the world of PR. If Mr. Kim had specifically requested for Sehun to be there, he’d simply have to go. This was to be one of the biggest deals they’d ever made and could become a game-changer for their company if everything went well. Not to put pressure on Sehun or anything.

 

_Nooo, of course we aren’t trying to put pressure on you_ , _Sehun, who can rarely step five feet out of his apartment without losing his marbles. Let’s just send you right into the lion’s den. You’ll be eaten alive. But, don’t worry! At least our company will be thriving!_ Sehun mocked them in his head.

 

None of this should even be a big deal. But, Sehun was Sehun. And he could only do so much.

 

Sehun spent hours picking it over in his brain. He couldn’t lose this job. He had nothing else to fall back on and he was almost certain that no other company would hire someone who required so many contract clauses. He was lucky that his own company had taken him on with all the “special conditions,” but Sehun was great at what he did, if not one of the best in his field.

 

He sighed. He had to get over it. He had to do this. He might die, but... he had to do it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun and the elusive Mr. Kim had scheduled two appointments over the past week, but the latter had ended up canceling both times, claiming that his daughter had fallen ill. _Yeah, right_ … Sehun thought. Just when Sehun had psyched himself out so much over this meeting, each time he had worked up the courage to walk out the door, he received an email from Mr. Kim saying that he was sorry, but he couldn’t make it.

 

Just because he was some rich, successful executive he thought it was okay to throw someone else’s life into disarray with his flakiness. Sehun might not have been a busy person, but freaking out for days before their scheduled meeting only to have it canceled – _twice_ – was a bit mentally draining.

 

This would be their third attempt. If Mr. Kim canceled this time, Sehun didn’t know what he was going to do. He sighed, checking himself in the mirror as he fixed his tie. Sehun had torn his apartment apart trying to find his suit. It was one he had worn once, about five years ago when he was forced to attend a board meeting with the directors of his publishing company. Sehun dusted it off, and ironed out the wrinkles. It was midnight blue and it was made from an almost scratchy material. It wasn’t the most comfortable clothing Sehun had ever worn, but it didn’t look too shabby. It fit him like a glove, almost as if it were tailor-made for him.

 

Sehun went into his room to put his shoes on. He was just bending over to pull his socks up, when a familiar “ _Ping!”_ sounded. He pulled his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen. He groaned.

 

_You have received one new email from J. Kim._

 

Sehun was beginning to despise that name. He opened the message and hummed, raising his eyebrows in surprise as he read.

 

 

**_From:_ ** _J. Kim_

**_To:_ ** _S. Oh_

_Mr. Oh,_

_I’m writing to inform you that I –_

_Will see you tonight!_ _J_

_No more delays and I sincerely apologize for missing our past appointments._

_I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

_J._ _Kim_

_Executive Director_

_Park and Company_

Sehun quirked a brow and hit reply.

 

 

 

**_From:_ ** _S. Oh_

**_To:_ ** _J. Kim_

_Mr. Kim,_

_I can assure you that your presence will be much appreciated._

_All is forgiven._

_See you tonight._

_S. Oh_

_Heart and Seoul Publishing House_

Sehun hit the send button fiercely. He was just ready to get this meeting over with.

 

 

 

 

They’d agreed to meet at a more upper-class venue, which Sehun was sure that he himself could not afford. But, according to his company, he had no choice. Sehun supposed a glass of water couldn’t cost too terribly much. He hoped to the heavens that the place wasn’t extremely crowded. The last thing he needed was to have an episode in front of the man who could possibly make or break his company.

 

The bus stopped just a few blocks down from the address that Sehun was given. He’d have to walk from there. At night. Alone. The instant dread that crawled over Sehun’s skin was nothing to laugh about. He hadn’t been anywhere at night in nearly eight years and he surely had no plans to start now. Only that he _did_ have to start now. He’d have to get over it.

 

Sehun took a few steps and stopped. He tried to steady his breathing, but he could feel his heart rate speeding up. He couldn’t get over it. He’d never be able to get over it. He tried in his mind to picture the sun shining, the grass green as ever, flowers blooming to their fullest. He tried so hard to picture that day in the park. But, the moment he opened his eyes it was all gone.

 

He gasped and wobbled on his feet, closing his eyes again. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this. He needed to get out of here. He could feel himself sinking lower. His chest was tightening. He was suffocating. It was going to happen right here and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

 

A hand on Sehun’s shoulder caused him to jolt forward, falling as his knees hit the ground, his hands bracing his fall. He opened his eyes, panicking as he tried to get up and run. His body had turned to stone – he couldn’t move, he couldn’t run. He clenched his eyes as tight as he could and waited, shaking uncontrollably. Suddenly, another hand came around his arm and Sehun shrieked as he began to sob.

 

“P-p-please stop,” He cried.

 

“Sehun?” A voice called. A soft voice that Sehun knew all too well. “Sehun, are you okay?”

 

Sehun’s lip quivered, opening his watery eyes slowly. He looked up. “J-Jongin?”

 

“Here, come on. I got you.” Jongin put both arms around Sehun’s shoulders and pulled him up off the ground. Sehun kept his head down, not wanting Jongin to see him this way.

 

“You okay?” Jongin said calmly next to Sehun’s ear, holding him to his chest.

 

Sehun closed his eyes and shook his head, pulling away from Jongin. “I-I-I’m sorry…”

 

Jongin raised his hand and Sehun flinched, backing away slightly. Jongin reached out to wipe the wetness from Sehun’s cheek with his thumb. Sehun looked up. “You don’t need to apologize, Sehun.”

 

Sehun sniffled, but said nothing. “What are you doing out here at this time, anyway?” Jongin took note of the suit Sehun was wearing.

 

“I-I was on m-my way to a meeting…” Sehun squinted at him and wiped his cheek with his sleeve. He noticed Jongin was also wearing a suit. “A-are you… just getting off work or something?” Sehun asked curiously.

 

Jongin shook his head. “I was just on my way to a meeting as well, but I think I’m going to have to cancel.”

 

“O-Oh… why’s that?”

 

Jongin smiled. “I’m going to escort you to wherever you need to go.”

 

Sehun’s eyes widened. “N-n-no, Jongin. I can’t ask you to d-do that. Y-you should go. I‘ll be fine.”

 

“No, really. Sehun, just let me take you, please? It’d give me peace of mind knowing you got to your meeting safely.”

 

Sehun fidgeted, but figured there was no use in trying to fight Jongin. He seemed like the type who usually got what he wanted anyways. Sehun sighed and nodded weakly. “Okay. B-but, you’re sure it’s okay for you to miss your m-meeting?”

 

Jongin hummed. “I’m not entirely sure the other party will be too happy with me… but that’s not important right now. Just give me a second to send them an email,” Jongin pulled his phone from his pocket and hit the keys at an otherworldly pace. Not even a minute later, he was done and slipping his phone back into his pocket. “You ready?” He smiled.

 

Just as Sehun was about to answer, his phone buzzed in his own pocket. He pulled it out and glanced at the screen. He frowned. “Oh… I-I have to check this.” Jongin nodded as he waited for Sehun.

 

_You have received one new email…_

**_From:_ ** _J. Kim_

**_To:_ ** _S. Oh_

_Mr. Oh,_

_I’m terribly sorry to do this to you on such short notice and for the third time._

_I’m afraid I’m going to have to cancel once again. Something urgent came up._

_I do sincerely apologize._

_Please forgive me! :(_

_J._ _Kim_

_Executive Director_

_Park and Company_

Sehun frowned. “I should have known this would happen…”

 

Jongin quirked an eyebrow. “Everything okay?”

 

“H-he canceled the meeting… That makes th-three times.”

 

Jongin’s face softened. “I’m sorry to hear that. You had to come all this way for nothing, then?”

 

Sehun pursed his lips, nodding as he glanced back at the email. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. “W-wait a second…” He looked at the message, then back at Jongin. “A-are you… Would you by any chance be… Are _you_ _J. Kim_?” He stared at Jongin with wide eyes.

 

Jongin squinted at him. “How… how did you know that?”

 

“Because I’m… I’m _S. Oh…_ ”

 

“W-what?” Jongin let out a breath in realization. “Oh my god, Sehun, I am _so, so, so_ sorry. It’s my fault that this happened to you. I swear on my life, I never would have made you come out here if I had known it was you.” His eyes held a downcast, remorseful honesty in them.

 

Sehun let out a laugh. A real, genuine laugh. It took Jongin by surprise, for he’d never heard Sehun _really_ laugh before. He decided very quickly that he liked the sound. It was a shock to Sehun’s system, laughing was. But, Sehun couldn’t seem to stop. The coincidence was just too hilarious.

 

“You’re… you’re starting to scare me now,” Jongin let out a nervous chuckle.

 

Sehun calmed himself. “I-I’m sorry… It’s just… it’s kind of funny when you think about it,” He grinned. “Out of all people… you turned out to be J. Kim.”

 

Jongin did grin at that. “I… I guess it is pretty funny. I still feel terrible for asking you to come out here. I am _so_ sorry, Sehun…”

 

Sehun shrugged. “It’s okay. I’m… I’m okay.”

 

Clearing his throat, Jongin started, “So, you’re an editor?”

 

Sehun nodded. “I am. And you’re a high-powered, snooty marketing exec?”

 

Jongin laughed out loud at Sehun’s bold show of sass. “I guess it might seem that way, huh?”

 

Sehun let out a shy grin. “I’m… I’m only teasing. I’m not v-very good at joking.”

 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Jongin smiled. “I think you’re doing great.”

 

Sehun looked away and for the first time ever, tried _not_ to smile. Letting out a breath, he turned back to Jongin. “So how’s… how’s Nari? Before I knew you were, um, _you_ I thought it was just an excuse… b-but now I’m actually kind of worried.” Sehun bit his bottom lip nervously.

 

“Oh, she’s doing better now – thanks for asking. Her fever is down, but she’s still feeling a little weak. I let her stay home from school again today, so she could get some rest.”

 

“I’m really glad she’s okay. Um… will you tell her I said hello? And to eat more dessert because it’ll make her get well faster,” Sehun said sheepishly with a small smile playing at his lips.

 

Jongin laughed. “I will. I think she’ll be happy to hear that. Oh, wait – hey. I actually kind of still need to get some notes from you about the book.” Sehun’s eyes widened. “No, no, no! We don’t have to go to the restaurant!” Jongin added quickly, as if reading Sehun’s mind. “We can go wherever you’re most comfortable.”

 

“Um, I… I’m not really comfortable anywhere, to be honest,” Sehun admitted quietly.

 

Jongin nodded in understanding. “Hmm…” He thought for a moment. “W-what about… I mean if you aren’t opposed to it, that is… We could… I mean… would you like to come to my apartment? It’s not far from here. And it’s just Nari and I, so you don’t have to worry about other people. It’s very quiet in our building, if you don’t count Nari.” Jongin chuckled softly as he watched Sehun think very carefully. Sehun stood there looking at the ground, picking at his fingernails nervously.

 

Finally, he looked up. “ _I_ … _Um_ … _Okay_ …” Sehun whispered.

 

 

 

 

Sehun didn’t know why he’d put his faith in this man once again. He didn’t know anything about him, aside from the fact that he was apparently one of the most sought-after marketing executives in the country. For all Sehun knew, though, he could have been a closet serial killer.

 

So, why was it that he kept trusting this man? Was it because of Nari? Sehun felt for Nari. She was such a lively little girl, her personality what Sehun admired the most. No murderer could have raised such an innocent and good-natured child.

 

Or maybe it was Jongin, himself. There was just something about him that made Sehun feel safe. Or maybe it was the fact that he could empathize with Sehun.

 

Any other time, Sehun would have run away the moment that someone said ‘hello’ to him. He’d go back to his apartment, lock the door, and sit in his room under the cover of his blanket until the next day’s sun came creeping in through the cracks of the curtains. Now, he had let Jongin walk with him down the sidewalk and Sehun felt… okay. He wasn’t petrified. He wasn’t completely comfortable, but he wasn’t on the verge of falling to the ground in a fit of tears like he had been some thirty minutes ago. Sehun was more unsure of himself now than he’d ever been and he both loved and hated it.

 

He didn’t have much time to ponder, though, as they’d arrived at Jongin’s apartment building. It was tall. Extremely so. The doorman at the front greeted them with a smile as Jongin led Sehun inside. As it turned out, Jongin lived in a penthouse. They’d spent the next few minutes in a comfortable silence as they rode the elevator to the forty-third floor.

 

“Well…. This is it.” Jongin paused in front of a non-descript black door with the number 4301 on it. He dug his key out of the pocket of his coat and unlocked the door, opening it to let Sehun in first.

 

Sehun stood in the foyer, jaw hanging slack in awe. He followed Jongin into the living area. It was open-plan and coolly connected with the kitchen, with wide windows circling around the room presenting a beautiful view of the city below them.

 

“Th-this is… _amazing_ , Jongin.” Sehun breathed out, looking out at the night sky.

 

“Thanks… Nari’s the reason I bought this place. When she was younger, she had trouble sleeping. We used to have a rocking chair over here by the window and on the nights when she couldn’t sleep, I’d bring her in here and rock her while she watched all the lights. She’d sleep so peacefully after that. Something about the lights just seemed to soothe her…” Jongin smiled fondly as he recalled the memory.

 

“Dad?” A small voice called from the doorway. Nari stood there in pink princess pajamas rubbing her eyes as she let out a yawn.

 

“Yes, baby, it’s me. It’s okay,” Jongin called out softly.

 

“Is someone with you?” Nari stepped a little closer, still rubbing her eyes. When she took note of who was standing next to her father, her eyes widened. “ _Sehun!_ ” She ran full-speed into Sehun, tackling him into a hug. Sehun was winded, taken aback by the sheer force of her hug, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her small frame.

 

“Hi, Nari.” He pat her back gently and she pulled back to look up at him.

 

“I can’t believe you came to my house! This is so cool!” She grinned up at him, but suddenly her eyes widened. “D-do… do you like my house?” She asked timidly.

 

Sehun smiled softly. “I do. It’s… it’s a beautiful house.”

 

Nari grinned at her father, eyes crinkling. “Daddy, he likes my house, too!”

 

Jongin chuckled. “I know, baby. That’s great.”

 

“I-I heard you weren’t feeling well…?” Sehun prompted softly.

 

Nari shook her head sadly. “I had the throw-ups. I don’t like it when that happens. I feel a lot better now. I got to eat my dinosaur gummies.” She leaned in close to Sehun and put her hand over the side of her mouth. “ _I know they’re really vitamins, but Daddy doesn’t think I know what they really are,”_ She whispered loudly and quite obviously. Jongin rolled his eyes with a grin on his face.

 

Jongin bent down to Nari’s level and took her small hands in his. “Sweetheart, do you mind going back to your room for a little while? Daddy has to talk to Sehun about work and it’s probably going to be _really_ _boring_ grown up stuff.” Jongin stuck his tongue out as if in disgust. Nari giggled.

 

“Okey dokey, I guess so…” She sighed dramatically, then hugged Sehun tightly one last time. “Goodnight, Sehun!”

 

He smiled down at her and rubbed the top of her head. “Goodnight, Nari.”

 

The two men watched as she hopped like a bunny back to her room. Jongin laughed. “Kids.” He sighed before looking back at Sehun. “So, um, would you like to have a seat? I could get you something to drink, if you like?”

 

Sehun shook his head. “N-no, thank you. I’m okay.” He half-smiled as he took a seat on the couch.

 

“If you say so…” Jongin said calmly before sitting down next to Sehun, but not _too_ close because Jongin had noted that closeness seemed to make Sehun a bit uncomfortable.

 

“So…” Jongin began after a few minutes. “How do you like _A Time To Cry_? And be honest! You don’t have to worry about trying to sugarcoat things with me,” He chuckled.

 

Sehun wasted no time in answering that question. “I hate it,” He said, rather bluntly. Jongin had expected an honest answer, but certainly not _that_ honest. He chuckled softly.

 

“That makes two of us…” Jongin whispered before clearing his throat.

 

Sehun looked up at him. “I-if you don’t like the book, why are you p-p-promoting it?

 

Jongin shrugged. “The rest of the company thinks it’s good publicity.

                                  

Sehun sighed, looking back down at his hands as he folded them across his knees. “I know exactly what you mean…”

 

“Alright, so I just want you to let it _all_ out. Tell me exactly how you feel about this book. And don’t spare any details!” Jongin grinned widely at Sehun as he reached to grab a notepad from the coffee table. “Sometimes you come across the good while looking for the bad. That’s why I wanted your opinion.”

 

Sehun let out a breath and began. He didn’t hold back. It was surprisingly easier than he thought it’d be. He told Jongin _everything_. And, man, did it feel good to finally get all of that off his chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

After Jongin had gotten all of his notes, he and Sehun began to talk a little more. About their jobs, mostly, because Sehun refused to talk about the details of his own life. That was a whole can of worms that he didn’t think he’d ever want to open with Jongin.

 

They’d talked well into the night and before either of them knew it, it was nearly two o’clock in the morning. Sehun frowned as he looked at the clock. “I-I… I should probably go… It’s getting kind of late.”

 

Jongin stood up just as Sehun did. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Hey, um… if you want, you could stay the night here. We have a spare bedroom. I mean it is pretty late and I don’t think either of us should be walking the streets at this hour.”

 

Sehun wavered on his feet, weighing all of his options. Finally, looking up at Jongin, he nodded weakly, a small, thankful smile tugging at his lips.

 


	6. Chapter Four

“They might be a little big; I hope you don’t mind…” Jongin smiled sheepishly.

 

Sehun shook his head in the negative, accepting the sweatpants and t-shirt from him. “Th-that’s okay.” Pausing for a moment, he looked at Jongin. “Thank you, Jongin. I-I really appreciate this.”

 

Jongin grinned. “It’s no problem, Sehun. I’m honestly glad you decided to stay. And don’t worry about tomorrow. I’ll walk you home.” He placed a hand on Sehun’s shoulder in reassurance, but quickly removed it, remembering that a comforting hand would do exactly the opposite for Sehun.

 

Sehun’s cheeks were tinted pink and he let a small smile betray him. “Y-you really don’t have to do that. You’ve done so much for me as it is and I really don’t know how I’d pay you back at this point,” Sehun said quietly.

 

Jongin shook his head. “I’m not asking you to do anything, Sehun. This is just what friends are for,” He smiled.

 

Sehun painted on a full-fledged smile. “Y-yeah…. _Friends_.” Sehun liked the sound of that more than he ever imagined he we would.

 

 

 

After Jongin left him, Sehun used the bathroom that was in his room to change into the nightclothes Jongin had lent him. They were baggy on Sehun’s thin frame, but he was more than comfortable in the soft material. He brushed his teeth with the spare toothbrush Jongin had given him, washed his face, then entered back into the bedroom.

 

He pulled back the blankets on the queen-size bed and hopped in. He let out a deep sigh, ever relaxed. Sehun had decided that he would _not_ be afraid. Not of Jongin or Nari. Of course, fear wasn’t exactly a switch he could just turn on and off. Sehun was trying, for lack of a better word, to heal. Jongin said it was possible and Sehun wanted with all of the power in his being to believe in Jongin’s words.

 

Sehun closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He’d be okay. He’d be okay. He’d be okay…

 

Sehun repeated the words in his head until, finally, sleep came to claim him.

 

 

 

Sehun thrashed in the bed. It was another bad night. He hadn’t had one in a few days. He kicked and rolled and grunted, trying to escape the bad man in his dreams. He was reliving the scene from seven years ago. Only, in his nightmares, it was always rougher, always more graphic, and twice as painful.

 

Sehun wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. It came out as air. He wanted to run, but his legs had turned into rubber. The man was there, as present as ever. Sehun was crying. Big, fat tears rolled down his cheeks. Just as the man was about to strike him across the face, a weight atop his chest jolted him awake.

 

He was suffocating. His breathing became ragged. This was how he was going to die.

 

“Sehun, please stop crying,” a small, sad voice spoke up in the dark room.

 

Sehun let out the breath he’d been holding in. “N-nari?” He reached his hand down and felt the long, soft hair and thin arms draped across his chest.

 

“You looked like you needed cuddles. My daddy always gives me cuddles when I have a bad dream and he makes all the monsters go away.” Nari lifted her head, small, round eyes brimming with tears. “I hope I got all the monsters.”

 

Sehun frowned. “Aw, Nari, come here.” The little girl let Sehun pull her up. He hugged her to his chest. “Did you have a bad dream, too?”

 

The little girl nodded her head sadly. “I-I was trying to go find my daddy, b-but when I walked by y-y-you were crying and I th-thought you needed c-cuddles more than I did,” She sobbed. Poking her lip out as she sniffled.

 

Fresh tears were stinging Sehun’s eyes and it wasn’t because he was scared anymore. “Sweetie…” Sehun rubbed the girl’s back softly as she cried on his chest. “Th-that was so brave of you. Thank you for saving me! You really kicked all the m-monsters’ butts.”

 

Nari looked up, wide-eyed, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “I-I-I did?”

 

Sehun nodded. “You sure did. I’m going to start calling you Nari the Protector!” Sehun smiled, wiping one of his own tears away.

 

Nari looked away, a sad frown etched on her face. “B-but… if I’m the protector, who’s gonna save me from all _my_ monsters?” She poked her bottom lip out, eyes scrunching as if she were about to cry.

 

“We’ll fight them together, okay?” Sehun rubbed her little, puffy cheek with his thumb and smiled down at her softly. “It’s cuddles that kills them, right?” Sehun asked seriously.

 

Nari nodded her head.

 

“Alright, then… on the count of the three, y-you grab m-m and I’ll grab you, okay?” Nari nodded once again and Sehun began the countdown. “One… two…” They braced themselves. “Three!”

 

He hugged Nari tightly and she wrapped her arms around Sehun, shutting her eyes tightly and scrunching her face up. “Cuddle, cuddle, _cuddle!_ ” Sehun cheered. “W-we got this, Nari! Keep cuddling!”

 

After a couple minutes, Sehun spoke up in faux panic. “I-I don’t think it’s working, Nari! W-What do we do?” Sehun asked nervously. “Do tickles work on them, too?!” Nari nodded her head fervently. Sehun smiled down at her. Nari shot into a fit of giggles, kicking her feet rapidly, as Sehun curled his fingers under the pit of her arms. Sehun didn’t relent. He was laughing just as hard as she was.

 

When Sehun finally stopped, their laughter died down. “Did we get them?” He asked softly, a smile tugging at his lips.

 

Nari nodded happily, a grin still stretching across her face.  “Thank you, Sehun!” She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. Sehun wrapped his arms around her small shoulders.

 

“Sehun?” Nari asked, looking back up at him.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“C-can I sleep in here with you tonight? I’m scared the monsters are going to come back.” She poked her lip out as her wide, watery eyes stared him down and Sehun couldn’t resist her pleas.

 

“I-I guess so,” He sighed with a smile.

 

Nari grinned and shot up. “Yay! Okay! Wait right here!” She held a finger up to him. “I’ll be right back!”

 

Sehun watched her curiously as she took off down the hallway. Not even thirty seconds later, a giant, stuffed bear came waddling into the room. Sehun laughed as Nari tried to poke her head around the side of the bear to see where she was going.

 

“This is Tonka,” She smiled, setting the bear carefully on the bed. “I have to go get his brothers and sisters.”

 

“N-nari…?”

 

It was too late, she had already scampered back down the hallway. The next time she came in, she had an armful of the small, stuffed creatures. She opened her arms, letting them fall onto the bed.

 

“This is Lay. He’s a unicorn. He has the same name as my uncle,” She laughed. “And this is Pandi, Mac, Princess Ladypants, Firefrazzle, Rumple, Paz, Snickerdoodle, and Theodore.”

 

“It’s very nice to meet you all,” Sehun chuckled, grasping each of the characters’ paws between his fingers and giving them a shake.

 

Nari smiled proudly and climbed onto the bed.

 

 

 

Jongin stood in the doorway, watching them fondly. Nari was draped over Sehun’s chest and his arm was haphazardly strewn across her back. They were buried in a pile of stuffed animals. Jongin smiled, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

He crept over next to Sehun and tapped his shoulder. He didn’t wake up. Jongin furrowed his brows and tapped again. “Sehun,” He whispered. Still nothing. Jongin shook him a little this time. “ _Seeeehuuuun_.”

 

Sehun jolted, eyes opening wide in fear. When he saw that it was only Jongin, he wrapped both arms around a still-sleeping Nari and let out a deep sigh of relief.

 

“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

 

Sehun yawned and looked up at him with a faint smile. “It’s okay. I’m just not used to waking up around people.”

 

“Did… did she have a nightmare?” Jongin asked quietly, pointing toward his daughter.

 

Sehun nodded. He decided against telling Jongin about his own bad dream. From the moment Nari had fallen asleep during the night, curled into Sehun’s side, he didn’t dream. He was completely at peace. It was such a funny feeling. He’d never experienced such tranquil sleep before.

 

“I’m… sorry about this.” Jongin frowned, gesturing to stuffed animals strewn across the bed.

 

Sehun shook his head. “Jongin, it’s fine,” He chuckled.

 

The gentle shaking of Sehun’s chest caused Nari to stir. She rubbed the sleep away from her eyes with the back of her hand and cracked her eyes open. Jongin bent down by the side of the bed and smiled at her.

 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” He pushed a strand of hair away from her face. “You want Daddy to make you breakfast?”

 

She nodded excitedly. “Is Sehun going to have breakfast with us?”

 

Jongin nodded. “Yes, if he wants to…?” He looked at Sehun.

 

Sehun nodded his head. “Y-yeah. Of course.”

 

 

 

The three of them migrated into the kitchen. Nari sat beside Sehun at the bar top, while Jongin rifled through the refrigerator. He pulled out some eggs and bacon, then dry mix from the cabinet and turned the stove on.

 

Sehun couldn’t help but admire the way that Jongin looked in a pair of almost-too-tight sweatpants and the way the muscles in his arms tended to flex randomly in the definitely-too-tight white shirt as he stood in front of the oven tossing pancakes in a frying pan. Sehun quickly turned away, clearing his throat.

 

Nari, on the other hand, sat calmly in her seat staring up at Sehun. She didn’t blink, even when Sehun stared back at her. She placed her head in her hand, using her elbow as a kickstand.

 

“You’re _so_ pretty, Sehun.”

 

Sehun coughed. “Um, th-th-thank you… I guess?” Nari smiled up at Sehun _too_ sweetly and Sehun wondered exactly what mischief was going on in that adorable little head.

 

Nari turned away, but Sehun could have sworn he heard her mumble, “…and my daddy is _really_ handsome.”

 

Sehun let the thought fizzle out as Jongin set two plates in front of them. He grinned when saw what was on them. A smiling pancake with eggs for eyes, a bacon grin, and a blueberry nose.

 

Jongin smiled as he watched the two of them pick off the blueberry first and simultaneously pop it into their mouths. Then, they broke their bacon into smaller pieces and ate them one by one. Jongin shook his head and turned toward the fridge, pulling out a carton of orange juice and pouring all three of them a glass. Jongin ate a few slices of toast and bacon as Sehun and Nari finished their plates.

 

Jongin rubbed his hands together, widening his eyes at Sehun and Nari. “Alright, you two. It’s almost time to leave, so let’s go get dressed, okay?”

 

Sehun smiled inwardly as he and Nari nodded their heads. It had become quite apparent in just a single morning how very much of a _parent_ Jongin was.

 

 

 

The three of them stepped out of the building – Jongin in his business suit, Nari in her school uniform, and Sehun in another pair of borrowed sweatpants and a t-shirt that he’d promised to wash and return as soon as possible. Nari waved goodbye to the older doorman who bid her good luck at school.

 

Nari walked between Sehun and Jongin, taking their hands in hers and swinging them as they walked. She held her chin up and smiled proudly. Just a few blocks down and they were coming up on Nari’s school.

 

Jongin turned and bent down next to her when they reached the gated entrance. He pulled her into his arms and pecked her forehead. “Have a good day, baby. If you get sick again, make sure the nurse calls me so I can come pick you up, okay?”

 

She nodded her head. “I will, Daddy.” She pulled away from him and turned to Sehun, wrapping her short arms around his waist. “Bye, Sehun!” He smiled and hugged her back.

 

“Goodbye, Nari. Be careful, okay?”  Sehun’s eyes crinkled at the corners. She nodded her head and took off in a run, catching up with another group of kids.

 

Sehun and Jongin walked side by side in silence. Sehun was too hesitant to speak up, so he took in a breath instead and twiddled his thumbs.

 

“I’m… I’m sorry about Nari,” Jongin said quietly after they’d walked nearly two blocks.

 

Sehun hummed . “Don’t be. She’s a sweet kid.”

 

Jongin smiled at that. “Thanks,” He said softly, looking over at Sehun with a sheepish grin on his face. “I do my best to teach her proper manners, but, uh… she’s still just a kid, ya know?”

 

“Jongin, where’s… where’s her mother? I-If you don’t mind me asking. I-I’m not t-trying to intrude in your personal matters… I’m j-just curious,” Sehun asked quietly, keeping his eyes toward the ground.

 

“N-no… it’s fine,” Jongin smiled softly. “She, um…” He paused, not quite sure how to go on. “Nari doesn’t have a mother. I… adopted her when she was an infant,” He explained quietly.

 

“Oh.” Sehun furrowed his brows as Jongin gave him time to think. After a couple minutes, Sehun looked over at him. “Does… does she know?”

 

Jongin shook his head. “N-no… she doesn’t. I… I plan on telling her when she gets a little older and is able to understand it a little bit better. It’s… it’s not really a topic you can just bring up at the dinner table. I just don’t want her to feel as if I’ve lied to her her entire life.”

 

Sehun nodded his head in understanding, unwanted memories coming back to him – memories that he’d been trying so hard to erase. For a brief second, an image of a tiny, beautiful, little girl in the newborn ward of the hospital flashed through his mind. And Sehun wondered, not for the first time, what the little girl was like today. Was she in a good home? Was she being treated well? Was she happy at school? Did she have friends? Was she smart? Did she play sports? Sehun had tried and tried for almost eight years to drown out the memories and their accompanying thoughts, but he couldn’t. Wherever the little girl was at this moment in time, Sehun could only hope that she’d come to know love like Jongin had given Nari.

 

Sehun turned to Jongin and smiled, letting his previous thoughts fade away. “You’re a wonderful father, Jongin. Nari is lucky to have you in her life.”

 

Red hues heated Jongin’s cheeks and he grinned. “Well, I mean… _I try_ ,” He shrugged, looking down at his feet as they moved across the pavement, a faint smile glued to his lips.

 

Neither of them spoke for the next few minutes, as they carried on down the sidewalk. Sehun looked over at Jongin, who was still faintly smiling to himself. Just as Sehun was about to ask Jongin something, a man came running past, shoulder-bumping Sehun roughly. Sehun recoiled as his breath was knocked out of him and his hands instantly flew to cover his head as he backed away.

 

Everything happened so quickly that Sehun didn’t have a chance to recover himself before he lost his footing on the edge of the sidewalk and began to fall in reverse into oncoming traffic. He screamed, throwing his hands in front of him and closing his eyes, waiting for the impact that never came.

 

**(Cue OST)**

Sehun was grabbed by the arm and pulled forward, his face and torso colliding abruptly with something solid. A pair of arms wrapped themselves around him tightly, as though he would float away if they were to let him go. Everything began to move in slow motion as Sehun looked up to see Jongin holding him so carefully, looking down at him with his lips parted, a look of panic distorting his handsome face.

 

They stayed that way for who knew how many minutes, just staring at each other. Sehun eventually caved, a tear sliding down his cheek as he buried his face into Jongin’s chest. Sehun sucked in a sharp breath and began to sob. And Jongin let him.  He rubbed gentle circles over Sehun’s back, burying his face in Sehun’s hair.

 

When Sehun’s tears had dried, he pulled away, looking at Jongin apologetically. “I’m-“

 

“Don’t,” Jongin said shortly. “Don’t apologize.”

 

Sehun nodded sadly, his head turned away from Jongin.

 

“Are you okay?” Jongin asked softly, turning Sehun’s cheek.

 

This time, Sehun shook his head, pursing his lips as his eyes closed tightly. Sehun had been too brave. He let himself walk so carelessly down the street, not paying a mind to his surroundings. It was his fault that the man ran into him. He should have been paying attention. Sehun had let his mind stop worrying, if only for a few minutes, and he had nearly become the bug on some car’s windshield. He’d be dead right now, if it weren’t for Jongin.

 

“I-I-I wanna go home,” He choked out.

 

Jongin nodded and pulled Sehun into his side. “Just stay with me, okay?” Jongin whispered softly next to Sehun’s ear. “I got you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

 

Sehun didn’t flinch when Jongin wrapped an arm around his shoulder and began to lead him down the sidewalk. If anything, Sehun was actually _thankful_ for having Jongin here. He was on the verge of having another panic attack, but some way, somehow, Jongin’s presence seemed to calm him down. Sehun wasn’t any less embarrassed by what had happened, though.

 

 

 

They came to a stop in front of Sehun’s door. Sehun dug his keys out of the pocket of the sweatpants and unlocked the door. Sehun didn’t invite him in, nor did Jongin ask, but he followed Sehun through the door, anyway.

 

Jongin led him to sit on the couch. Sehun remained silent as he let Jongin pull his shoes off. Jongin grabbed the blanket lying on the back of the couch and draped it over Sehun’s legs. He didn’t say a word as he stepped into the kitchen and rifled through the cabinets, finally finding the cupboard with the glasses and pulling one out. He filled the glass halfway with water and walked back into the living room, holding the glass in front of Sehun.

 

“You need to drink this, Sehun. It’ll help calm your nerves.”

 

Sehun nodded and accepted the glass graciously, downing its contents in only a few seconds. He looked up at Jongin, neither smiling nor frowning. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth nervously. “Jongin, I –“ He sighed heavily, fiddling with the rim of the glass in his hands. “I just wanted to say thank you,” He said softly. “You saved my life. I don’t… I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.” Sehun looked down at his lap.

 

Jongin bent down on one knee and looked Sehun in the eyes. “How about dinner?” He smiled warmly.

 

“W-w-what?” Sehun whispered in surprise, the word coming out sounding more like a squeak.

 

Jongin chuckled. “Have dinner with me. _And_ Nari, of course,” He quickly added. “Let me cook for you. I’ll even set up a movie in the living room and we can pretend like we’re at the theatre.” Before Sehun could say anything, Jongin went on. “I… I know that you don’t get out much, Sehun. I understand that. Probably better than anyone, because I’ve also dealt with it before. Nari was the turning point in my life,” He admitted so quietly that Sehun almost couldn’t hear him. “But… just because you’re afraid to be around other people… it doesn’t mean you have to be alone.” Jongin smiled sadly as he stood up.

 

Sehun tried to avoid eye contact. When he didn’t respond, Jongin let out a sigh.

 

“You don’t have to say yes. You don’t have to say anything at all. Just… think about it?”

 

With his eyes fixated on the floor, Sehun nodded.

 

“Great,” Jongin whispered, smiling softly. He turned to walk away, but stopped. “And Sehun? You… You don’t have to be afraid to walk alone anymore. If you call me… I’ll be here. I’ll walk with you.”

 

Jongin brushed his hair back with his fingers and walked toward the door. “Goodbye, Sehun.” He turned the lock on Sehun’s door from the inside, before stepping outside and shutting it completely.

 

Before Jongin even reached the stairs, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He paused, taking the cell phone out. He looked down at the screen.

 

_One new email._

 

He slid his finger across the screen to unlock it and quickly opened the message.

 

**_From:_ ** _S. Oh_

**_To:_ ** _J. Kim_

 

_Mr. Kim,_

 

 

_Yes._

 

 

_S. Oh_

_Heart and Seoul Publishing House_


	7. Chapter Five

Sehun fidgeted as he fixed his shirt in the mirror. He pushed his messy brown hair out of his face for a change. He really didn’t know why he was so nervous. Sehun was always nervous, so that was nothing new, really. But… it was different with Jongin.

They’d been exchanging emails quite frequently as of late, in preparation for the book’s impending release. They talked more comfortably through email, often times exchanging conversation as friends rather than a business transaction. Sehun sometimes wondered what Jongin was thinking when he sent his replies. Sometimes they were witty and sarcastic and made Sehun laugh loudly in his quiet apartment. Sometimes they made Sehun wonder other things. Sometimes they were incredibly sweet, bordering on flirtatious. Was that what it was? Flirtatious? Did Sehun even really know what flirting was? Truth be told, he didn’t. And that’s what made him wonder.

It made Sehun sick. Not _sick_ sick, but butterflies-in-his-stomach sick. A nervous sick. His cheeks even became red and feverish every time he opened one of Jongin’s emails. Sehun wasn’t sure what any of this meant. It felt terrible and it was nerve-wracking, but it also felt… _good_? He had begun to like the way his heart would do a little somersault when he read Jongin’s name across the screen.

It was different.

He hadn’t known Jongin for that long, but he could tell that the man was affecting him in a way that Sehun hadn’t even known he could feel. He didn’t feel like that terrified, timid man who was scared of his own shadow anymore (though, Sehun couldn’t deny that he still did occasionally startle when his shadow caught him off guard.) He was… _brave_ with Jongin.

 

 

When he heard a knock at his door, he panicked. This time, he wasn’t terrified because he didn’t know who was there. It’s because he knew exactly who was knocking on his door that he wanted to run and hide under his blankets.

Instead, he took (several) deep breaths and pulled the door open. Standing before him was a casually dressed Jongin, hair pushed back into a slick coif and a twinkle in his brown eyes. In the month that had gone by since Sehun had last seen him, he had forgotten how downright handsome the man was. It took him at least a full minute, but he was finally able to avert his gaze and mutter a “Hello.”

“Good evening, Sehun,” Jongin turned on that thousand-watt smile and Sehun melted.

“G-good evening…” Sehun replied quietly, plastering a shy smile on his face.

“Are you ready?” Jongin asked cheerfully. Sehun nodded his head and stepped outside.

Before they made it to the door downstairs, Jongin stopped and Sehun nearly ran into his broad back. Sehun watched curiously as Jongin held a bent arm out. He gestured for Sehun to take it.

“Uhhhmm…” Sehun wasn’t really sure what to say, hesitating before he gingerly grabbed the arm.

“I know this might be uncomfortable for you, but there’s no chance in hell that I’m letting go of you today. I want you safe,” Jongin said lowly, _sternly_ , next to Sehun’s ear.

Sehun could only nod as he let Jongin pull him closer to his side. His heart was racing. It was pounding in his ears as they walked out into the dangerous beyond. This was a new feeling. Sehun hadn’t experienced anything like this before. He still felt the heat of Jongin’s breath on his ear and Sehun turned his face in the opposite direction, cheeks burning, as a small, bashful smile pulled at his lips.

 

 

Sehun let Jongin lead him down the sidewalk, even going so far as to shut his eyes tightly as they walked, blindly trusting that the man wouldn’t let him down – wouldn’t let him fall. Sehun knew that he would not let anyone get to him. Jongin was well aware of what Sehun was doing and he’d laugh gently every time Sehun would open his eyes and grin widely at the success of his “trust test.”

“I told you, Sehun… I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Jongin laughed softly. “ _I can be your hero, baby ~”_ He sang jokingly, squeezing Sehun’s arm a little tighter and smiling down at him. Sehun chuckled, thinking to himself that Jongin’s voice was actually quite… pleasant. He hadn’t realized how very much Jongin had actually meant his words.

“So, Mr. Kim…” Sehun said quietly. Jongin smiled at his own name. “What will we be watching this evening?”

“Well, Mr. Oh,” Jongin began seriously, “Ms. Kim has chosen an award-winning piece titled _Inside Out_ and I must say, her taste is impeccable.”

“Why, I don’t believe I’ve heard of such a film,” Sehun feigned. “I would be most delighted to view it with the both of you.”

“We’d like that very much, Mr. Oh…” Jongin looked over at Sehun and winked before flashing him a boyish grin.

Sehun’s cheeks flushed and he smiled down at the ground. He and Jongin walked in silence for the next few minutes. It was hard for Sehun to fully understand how he had become so comfortable around Jongin… but he was. It was like he and Jongin had been friends for years. Sehun couldn’t complain. He was… He was _happy_. For the first time in so long, he was happy.

Jongin kept a close eye on Sehun, his hand never leaving Sehun’s arm for more than a couple seconds at a time. Sehun’s heart no longer raced because he was scared of the people around him, though that harrowing fear was still ever present in his mind. His heart raced now because Jongin was near him. And no matter how hard Sehun tried to piece every thought, every feeling, every _thing_ together in his head, he was still left confused and unsure of why he felt _different_.

 

 

Jongin unlocked the door to his apartment, letting Sehun enter first, before closing the door behind them. Sehun didn’t make it five feet before a tiny terror came charging into the foyer, wrapping her arms around Sehun’s waist.

“Sehun! I missed you!” Nari squealed. Sehun laughed, patting her softly on the back.

“I missed you, too, Nari.”

“Yah! What about me? You didn’t miss your old man?!” Jongin looked genuinely offended.

Nari deadpanned. “I can’t miss you if you never leave the house, Dad.”

Sehun snorted. Jongin was taken aback. He huffed and mockingly muttered an “I just _did_ leave the house…” under his breath.

Nari ignored him and turned back to Sehun, grabbing his hand as she pulled him further into the apartment. Sehun gasped when they entered the large, open-plan living room. They completely transformed it into a makeshift theater.

Of the massive windows that swept entirely around the living area, there was one wall in the middle that _wasn’t_ window. It was just a plain accent wall that Jongin had pinned a giant, white screen to and hung a small projector from the ceiling. He positioned the large couch directly in front of the screen.

“You guys… th-this… _wow_.” Sehun was speechless.

“Do you like it!?” Nari asked excitedly. “Daddy said you would like it!”

Sehun chuckled and pulled the little girl close to his side, rubbing her shoulder reassuringly. “I love it. I really do,” He said softly. He looked over at Jongin and smiled warmly.

Jongin’s cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink and he quickly looked away. He cleared his throat and clapped his hands together. “Alright, kids, so I’ve got popcorn in the kitchen and fruit gummies to snack on during the movie.” He paused and held up a finger. “But, first! I have to make dinner.”

Sehun smiled. “Oh, dinner _and_ a show? You two are going to spoil me,” Sehun said softly.

Jongin chuckled. “That’s kind of the plan, Sehun.”

Sehun’s cheeks flushed. “Is… is there anything I can do t-to help you prepare dinner?”

Jongin gave Sehun a lopsided grin and shook his head. “I got it, Sehun. You and Nari can just hang out for a bit while I get it ready.”

Sehun nodded with a grin and plopped down on the couch with his tiny gal pal.

 

 

Sehun moaned in delight after every bite he took of the delicious Mediterranean pizza. Nari had long since scarfed down the octopus-shaped hotdogs that Jongin had made especially for her. Once their plates were completely cleared, Jongin picked up all the dishes and took them to the kitchen. Sehun offered to wash them, but Jongin just waved him off, joking that they’d be late for their movie.

The three of them made their way into the living room. While Sehun and Nari made themselves comfortable on the sofa, Jongin grabbed a pile of blankets from the closet and gave one to Nari, one to Sehun, and kept one for himself. Sehun sat on one end of the couch and Jongin on the opposite. Nari was stuffed between them, a bowl of popcorn in her small hands.

Jongin angled the remote toward the projector and the movie began to play. Not very long into the movie, they were already laughing. Nari laughed the loudest and it was like music to Sehun’s ears. Her laughter was infectious.

Somewhere over the next hour, they’d managed to slip onto the floor, blankets pulled up around them, legs stretched out in front of them, and couch cushions keeping their heads propped up. Nari was biting her lip with tears in her eyes as Joy and Bing Bong tried to find a way out of the memory dump that they’d fallen into. Stumbling upon Bing Bong’s rocket ship, Joy and Bing Bong began to sing loudly and happily, trying to get it to fly. Sehun and Nari began to sing, too.

It’s no use, it’s not working. The rocket won’t fly high enough for them to get out of the memory dump.

Sehun and Nari sang louder.

_“Who’s your friend who likes to play?! BING BONG! BING BONG!”_ Nari and Sehun sang along, grasping each other’s hands. Their eyes frantically searched the screen for any sign of hope.

Sehun knew what was coming next. He could tell it was going to happen even before Bing Bong jumped off of the rocket, allowing Joy to escape without him.

“NOOO! Bing Bong! They can’t do this!” Nari cried, as the cotton candy elephant faded away into nothing. Sehun’s heart broke for the little girl sitting next to him. For a children’s movie, this was actually incredibly emotional. He wrapped his arms around Nari and they cried together.

Jongin watched Sehun and Nari in bewilderment from the other side of their small pallet on the floor. He didn’t understand what the big deal was. It was… it was just a movie. Yet, here were Sehun and Nari, bawling like babies. Jongin knew better than to say anything about it. He’d made that mistake once before with his daughter and she cried for two days longer because Jongin had “invalidated her feelings” as she put it. That was the same day that she had learned what “invalidated” meant.

 

 

Another half an hour went by and everything had quieted down. By the time the movie was almost over, Jongin had actually begun to enjoy it. It was, in fact, a pretty great movie, if he said so himself. He realized he hadn’t heard a peep out of Sehun and Nari in a while. With nothing but the dim light being emitted from the projector, he looked over at the two hunched over figures. Jongin sighed. They had fallen asleep before the movie even ended.

Jongin slowly and carefully removed himself from the floor, trying his hardest not to wake the two of them. As he stood there, he watched them, a genuine smile tugging at his heart. Sehun was turned onto his side and Nari was facing him, her small hand wrapped around his. They both looked so peaceful. It made Jongin’s heart swell with feelings he wasn’t sure he should be having. Sehun was so beautiful. His handsome, ever-worried face was completely serene and his pouty, pink lips parted as he took a deep, somnolent breath.

Jongin didn’t have the heart to wake them. He tiptoed to the spare bedroom and grabbed the large blanket from the bed and draped it over the two of them. As he reached to pull the blanket up to Nari’s chin, a small hand crept out from beneath the blanket and grabbed his own. Jongin froze.

When he glanced down at his daughter, her beautiful brown eyes were open – wide and pleading as she looked up at him. She tugged his hand until he finally relented and lied back down beside her. Jongin knew that she wouldn’t go back to sleep until he succumbed.

Jongin turned onto his side toward his daughter after some minutes had passed. Her eyes had fallen shut once again, but her tiny grip on his hand was still strong. She’d pulled his hand and Sehun’s hand to her chest and hugged them tightly, refusing to let go of either of them. She loved Sehun so much that it nearly broke Jongin’s heart. If only Sehun kn…

Jongin stopped, pushing that ever-present thought to the back of his mind as he forced his tired brain to submit to the subtle lullaby of the soft and steady breathing coming from the two sleepyheads beside him.

 

 

Sehun woke feeling refreshed and rather… peaceful. Another rarity. He hadn’t dreamt at all – his mind had been completely at bay all night. It wasn’t until he started to become alert to his surroundings that panic began to set in. He was trapped under a weight. He could actually feel it. He was scared to open his eyes. He didn’t want to confront the monster that was surely waiting for him. Maybe… maybe he _was_ dreaming after all. Maybe he was in the middle of one his nightmares right now.

Sehun took a staggering breath and began to convulse. It – it felt too real. This wasn’t a dream. Something was hugging him. He could feel it. _Where was he?_ His mind became hazy as he tried to fight the urge to cry. Sehun knew it was starting. It always started this way. The panic attack was taking full force and Sehun was completely powerless – trapped in whatever was holding him down, his mind and vision had already succumbed to the fog.

He was shaking uncontrollably; big, fat tears rolled down his cheeks and soaked his shirt. He couldn’t breathe. It _hurt_ to breathe. He held his breath in for as long as he could, but his lungs had began to burn with the sheer need for oxygen.

_“Breathe, Sehun, breathe….”_ Sehun didn’t know whether he had uttered the words himself or if they had come from someone else. He was too far gone to pay heed to his surroundings. He felt as if he were going to die. The weight on his chest had been lifted, but breathing didn’t come any easier.

_“Daddy, what’s wrong with Sehun?”_ The small voice was so quiet that Sehun almost didn’t hear it. It was worried and scared and that alone had terrified Sehun. The voice was familiar. _Nari_. Nari was scared. Sehun cracked his eyes open and let out a startling gasp.

He stopped breathing. Everything was moving in slow motion. Nari sat on top of the couch wrapped in her blanket, tears rolling down her cheeks. Sehun was lying on his back. He looked over and Jongin was beside him, an arm wrapped around Sehun’s waist and his free hand stroking Sehun’s cheeks. Sehun glanced between Jongin and Nari, both of them looking just as scared as Sehun felt.

Sehun shoved Jongin away from him and tried to stand up, but he was dizzy. He needed to get out of there. Jongin quickly stood up and reached out a hand to steady Sehun, but the latter flinched, pushing it away. He began to run for the door, barely hearing the frightened calls of his name coming from the little girl behind him.

Sehun had found the handle, but before he could turn the knob, a hand reached out and grasped his own.

“Sehun-“

“Stop!” Sehun yelled, finally finding his voice. “Please make it stop. D-don’t touch me,” He sobbed.

“Sehun, it’s okay. It’s Jongin. Just breath, okay? You’re fine. I’m right here,” Jongin’s voice was calm and he loosened his grasp on Sehun’s hand.

Sehun paused, finally releasing the breath he’d been holding in. It came out in a painful stagger and Sehun gasped at the feeling.

“J-J-Jongin, I’m sorry. I c-can’t do this. I need to go.” The brokenness of Sehun’s own voice surprised even himself.

“I’m sorry, Sehun… Let me take you ho-“

“Please just don’t touch me,” Sehun breathed out, finally looking Jongin in the eyes. Jongin’s eyes mirrored his own in pain and despair. Sehun realized that Jongin was only trying to help him, but Sehun couldn’t be helped.

Without so much as even putting shoes on his feet, Sehun finally turned the doorknob. And Jongin let him. Jongin was left staring after him, a blank expression on his face as he watched Sehun running away. No matter how hard Jongin tried, there was nothing he could do to help Sehun and that’s what worried him the most. He promised Sehun that he _could_. But… Jongin had never felt quite so worthless before.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’ve seen Inside Out, you’d probably understand the part where they are watching it. I’m sorry if anyone was confused by it. ^^ This is the clip I’m referring to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXj61BXEy2M&ebc=ANyPxKrvTZY58pyFpNpwGypiHp2EPemYy6Qrqe6HlV2ds01e7ioYCfjlfLeOMk_WLXPW9T0RxWyuHTch7Zs25clWe9VGp5BD6g
> 
> Alright, so, I figured I should probably explain why Sehun had a full-blown panic attack. I couldn’t find a way to write this in without it getting too long-winded, but during the night, Nari sneaks onto the couch, leaving Sehun and Jongin on the pallet on the floor. Neither Jongin nor Sehun realize that she moved and, naturally, they gravitate toward one another and eventually Jongin kind of just… wraps his arms around Sehun and holds him. It freaks Sehun out because Jongin is much larger than Nari and in Sehun’s mind, he pictures that it’s the man who attacked him that is pinning him down, even though it’s just Jongin.
> 
> That being said, Nari did kind of have her reasons for sneaking onto the couch and leaving her dad and Sehun on the floor. She’s a scheming little thing. But, she’s too young to fully understand Sehun’s condition and seeing him waking up like that of course scared her just as much as he was himself.
> 
> I want to try to maybe explain this a little better in the next chapter, but I’m going to leave this here for now. ^^
> 
> Always, thanks for reading and commenting. <3 I appreciate the feedback berry, berry much. Don’t forget to leave kudos if you like it. <3


	8. Chapter Six

Sehun was alone. Completely and utterly alone. He’d resigned himself to this life many years ago, but with Jongin and Nari he actually thought he had a _chance_ at being normal again. Just a slight chance, but a chance, nonetheless.

He’d been in bed for two weeks. He’d barely even eaten anything. He didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of his episode. He’d ignored the numerous phone calls, texts, and emails Jongin sent him. He’d even come by Sehun’s apartment a few times. He would bang on the door frantically, _hopelessly_ , but Sehun wouldn’t open it. He’d sit with his back against the door, knees folded to his chest and tears running down his cheeks, listening as Jongin pleaded with him to open the door, to let him explain, to let him _help_.

By the beginning of the third week, Sehun had begun to feel even more worn down than usual. He’d shed a few pounds on his already thin frame. It had been at least four days since his last shower. His nightmares would begin the moment that he shut his eyes, so he’d lay awake until the sound of birds chirping outside filled his ears. He was… not much more than a mess.

The rumbling in his stomach alerted him to his hunger, but Sehun ignored it. He rolled out of his bed, which seemed so much less inviting since the one night he’d spent in the large, comfy bed in Jongin’s apartment. Sehun knew he needed to be working. He still had deadlines to meet, after all. Life didn’t stop just because his own was on pause.

Sehun figured the first thing he probably needed to do was shower. And so he did. He hadn’t realized how badly he had begun to smell until he stepped out of the steaming hot water and dried himself off. He felt a lot better, too. Not one hundred percent, yet – more like fifteen – but he was getting there.

He towel dried his wet hair, leaving it damp, as he threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Still playing coy to the pangs of hunger, he sat down at his computer and turned it on. Just as he was about to begin typing, a familiar banging on his door made him jump.

 _“Sehun, it’s Jongin… again. Please open the door this time…”_ His deep voice was muffled behind the door.

Sehun took a deep breath and quietly tiptoed out of his bedroom. He stopped in front of the door, resting his palm against it.

_“I… I know you’re in there. I wish you’d just let me talk to you – let me see you. Please? Just let me know you’re okay. You won’t return any of my calls and I’m worried about you, Sehun…”_

Sehun’s lips quivered, but he wouldn’t allow himself to cry this time.

 _“Sehun, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“_ On the other side of the door, Jongin covered his face with his hands in frustration. _“Look,”_ he said softly, _“I’m sorry, okay?”_ He let out a long sigh.

 _“I know you haven’t been out to get groceries. I’ve... I’ve been by here every day and Mrs. Lee says you haven’t even stepped out of your apartment,”_ Jongin said quietly. _“I brought you some food, Sehun. So you don’t have to go out. I’m just – I’m just gonna leave them here by the door, okay?”_ Sehun could hear the rattling of the paper bags as Jongin set them down. _“I’m leaving, okay? I’m gone. I’m… I’m sorry.”_

Sehun’s eyes stung with unshed tears over Jongin’s apology. It wasn’t his fault. None of this was. It was Sehun’s fault. It was _always_ Sehun’s fault.

Sehun waited until he was sure that Jongin was gone before he cracked the door open. He looked down and, sure enough, there were two paper bags, completely filled with nearly everything that Sehun would need for almost a month, if not more. He bent down to pick them up, a sad smile betraying his lips.

“Sehun.”

He froze, any trace of a smile disappearing. He stood up slowly and turned toward the voice. He backed away as Jongin climbed the last step and retreated into his apartment. A hand in the doorway prevented him from shutting the door completely.

“Sehun, I’m sorry! Please just talk to me. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I didn’t know what else to do!” Jongin pushed against the door lightly.

“P-P-Please just g-go away, Jongin!” Sehun cried. “I c-c-can’t do this!”

“Do what, Sehun? What can’t you do?!” Jongin raised his voice in desperation.

“ _I can’t do anything_ ,” Sehun whispered miserably and backed away from the door, falling to his knees on the floor. He hugged his arms around himself and began to rock back and forth.

Jongin pushed the door open hesitantly and stepped inside. He looked down at Sehun pitifully and stooped down in front of him.

“Sehun…” Jongin reached a hand out to gently touch his arm, but Sehun flinched away from it.

“I’m not like you and Nari,” Sehun whispered. “I’m different. I’m – I’m not a normal person.”

“I know, Sehun. I know. That’s why I want to help you.”

Sehun looked up at him with a pained look in his eyes. “You don’t get it Jongin. I’ll never change. I can’t. W-what happened a couple weeks ago… happens to me all the time. I can’t stop it. I don’t… I don’t want you or Nari to see that again. Especially Nari.”

“It’s okay, Sehun,” Jongin said quietly. “I’ve told you before that I know better than anyone what you’re going through. And I’m sorry. God, I’m _so_ sorry for what happened that night. I’m so used to holding Nari when she’s sleeping and when she moved to the couch during the night, I guess I grabbed you instead. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen. It was supposed to be a fun night and I… I really fucked up. Pardon my language, but I _really_ fucked up. I know you’re apprehensive about being touched and I just… I don’t know what to say anymore. I’m sorry, Sehun.”

“S-stop…” Sehun commanded quietly, massaging his temples with his hands. “It’s not your fault. I just… freaked out. S-something… something h-happened to me a long time ago and w-when I woke up with your arm around me it brought back memories.” Sehun didn’t elaborate further and Jongin didn’t pry.

Neither of them said anything for the next couple minutes, as Sehun let Jongin pull him up off of the ground.

Jongin cleared his throat. “I’m… I’m just really glad you’re okay, Sehun. I just wish….” Jongin sighed and shook his head, letting that thought go.

Sehun looked up at him expressionlessly. “W-what… what is it, Jongin?”

“I…” Jongin took a breath before answering. “Please… don’t shut me out,” He pleaded. “I know we’re still getting to know each other, but I… I care about you, Sehun. Just… don’t shut me out when you get scared. I’m here for you. I _want_ to be here for you.”

Sehun smiled weakly and nodded his head. “I…” He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “I’ll try.”

Sehun opened his eyes to find Jongin smiling widely at him. He had to look away because, despite how awful he’d been feeling, that smile still gave him the weird butterfly feeling in his stomach. Sehun cleared his throat.

“Ah… um, so…” Jongin shuffled on his feet. “I actually have something to ask you. It’s… it’s about work. I have to go to Jeju for a few days to represent the author of the book and set up a few meetings with the press there. I was… I was kind of hoping… um… that you’d come with me?” Jongin asked nervously.

Sehun’s eyes widened, but before he had a chance to say anything, Jongin began speaking again. “You aren’t obligated to say yes and you know I’d never make you do something you’re uncomfortable with. I just thought… I mean it would just be a lot easier because you’ve read the book cover to cover and you know the author’s mind probably better than he does. I’m going to have to be doing a lot of speaking about the book and the author a-and I just… I need your help…” Jongin said softly.

Jongin gave Sehun a few minutes to process what he’d just asked him. He could see Sehun’s eyes swimming with fear, worry, and concern as he tried to formulate a response. Finally, Sehun looked at him.

“W-w-why can’t the author go? It’s h-his book.”

“Have you ever met the author?” Jongin asked skeptically. Sehun shook his head. Jongin sighed. “He’s… he’s a real piece of work. I hope you _never_ have to meet him. He’s off on vacation somewhere or something. I don’t even really know. He’d probably hire someone to sign his books for him if he could,” He scoffed.

Sehun bit his lip, eyes beginning to cloud over. He looked at Jongin, struggling to find his voice. “J-Jongin… I-I don’t think I can…” He gasped. “I can’t…”

Jongin grabbed Sehun’s wrist tenderly and began to gently rub his thumb over the back of Sehun’s hand. “Shhh… It’s okay, Sehun. I just thought I’d ask. I’m sorry.” Jongin smiled gingerly at him. “You can just send me the notes through email.”

“I’m… I’m s-sorry,” Sehun whispered looking down at his feet.

Jongin chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s no big deal. It just would have been nice to have you there is all.”

“I-is Nari going with you?” Sehun asked quietly.

Jongin shook his head. “No, my friend Kyungsoo is going to look after her while I’m gone. He’s the one who made us the sandwiches the day we went to the park, remember?”

Sehun nodded. “I remember. I-I hope Nari gets to have more of the lemon bars she loved so much,” Sehun smiled softly.

“I’m sure she will,” Jongin laughed.

“W-when do you leave?” Sehun asked after a few moments.

“My flight takes off at noon tomorrow, actually. Everything was kind of short notice, but you gotta do what you gotta do, I guess.” Jongin’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Sehun hummed. “I guess so. P-please… Please be careful, okay? Y-you always hear bad things in the news about planes crashing… s-so j-just be careful.”

Jongin grinned, baring his teeth. “I will. I… I should probably go ahead and get going. I still have to pack and get Nari ready to go to Kyungsoo’s.”

Sehun nodded in understanding. “I’ll see you when you get back?”

“You will. At least, I hope you will…” Jongin said softly. “I’ll text you when I land, okay?”

Sehun nodded his head once again. “Be safe. A-and Jongin?”

“Hm?”

“Th-thank you… for n-not giving up on me,” Sehun said, barely above a whisper.

Jongin smiled warmly at Sehun, but didn’t say another word as he turned slowly, almost grudgingly, and began to walk down the stairs.

Sehun hadn’t even realized that Jongin had still been holding his wrist until he finally let it go.

 

 

Sehun tossed and turned that night. It wasn’t nightmares that were keeping him up this time, but his own conscience. All he could think of was Jongin. Sehun worried whether he’d be safe flying, if even for just an hour. There were so many things that could go wrong.

It wasn’t just that, though. Sehun felt terrible that he couldn’t be there for him. The _one_ thing that Jongin had asked of Sehun and the latter was completely useless. After all of the things that Jongin had done for Sehun. Why couldn’t he just be normal? He was so sick of being scared.

 

 

Jongin yawned as he waited in line near the security checkpoint. It had been a long morning. He wasn’t exactly prepared for the meetings he was supposed to attend tonight, but he didn’t really have much of a choice, either. He’d have to read the files on the plane.

He set his carry-on bag down and checked his phone for the last time. Sehun hadn’t emailed him any new file reports yet. Jongin sighed. He reached around to put his phone in his back pocket and glanced up. Jongin slapped himself as he did a double take. Was that….?

“Oh my god….” Jongin said in disbelief.

Sehun was doing an odd little shuffle between a walk and a run. He sped up when his eyes met Jongin’s. Jongin wanted to kick himself for even asking Sehun to come. Even from afar he could see that Sehun’s cheeks were red and puffy as if he’d been crying and the look in his eyes was one of pure terror.

When Sehun got closer and closer, Jongin opened his arms slightly and Sehun ran right into them, smacking Jongin in the chest with own torso. Jongin wrapped his arms around Sehun and Sehun didn’t say a word. The only thing Jongin could hear were the soft sniffles and shuddering breaths. He wrapped his arms around Sehun and let the younger man bury his head into his shoulder.

Sehun was shaking. He clenched his eyes shut as he let Jongin hold him right there in the middle of the airport.

“I already regret doing this,” He cried. “I just want to go home. I-I-I can’t… I need to get out of here.”

“Shhh… I got you, Sehun.” Jongin cradled his head in his hand as he held him tightly, wrapping the other arm around Sehun’s waist.

“What are you even doing here?” Jongin asked in shock. “I never meant for you to come here all by yourself. I’m so sorry, Sehun.”

“I c-couldn’t let you do this on your own. I-i-it’s my turn t-to help you,” Sehun whispered in mock confidence, his shaky voice betraying him as a tear slid from his eye.

“Sehun-“

_“Now boarding! Korean Air Flight 1201 to Jeju Island is now boarding!”_

 


	9. Chapter Seven

Sehun was still shaking, rocking back and forth with his eyes shut tightly. Jongin figured the best thing to do for him right now was let him be. He stopped the attendant as she walked by to ask for a glass of water for Sehun. Jongin had upgraded him to his semi-private first class cabin. He knew there was no way Sehun would have been able to handle all of those other people completely alone.

Jongin was amazed that Sehun had come all this way on his own. He had to commend him for that. When Jongin looked at Sehun, he felt a sense of… pride. He was proud of him. He felt terrible that Sehun had felt the need to do something like this for Jongin, but he was incredibly proud of Sehun because this was huge for him.

When the attendant came back around with the glass of water, Jongin hesitantly held it out to Sehun. The timid man looked up with wondering eyes and accepted the cup with shaky hands.

“Th-th-thank you,” He whispered.

Jongin nodded his head with a small smile. He watched as Sehun gulped down the water. He was beginning to calm down, Jongin could tell. He still looked scared out of his mind, but he wasn’t shaking anymore and Jongin took that as a good sign.

“Se….Sehun?” Jongin began cautiously.

Sehun blinked his eyes rapidly. “Y-yes?”

“What made you decide to come all this way?” He asked quietly.

“I-I-I told you… I want to help you, for a change. Y-you always do the kindest things for me a-and I… I just want to repay you.” Sehun looked away, a small blush forming on his cheeks, and whispered, “Plus… I-I was a little scared something might h-happen to you on the flight.”

Jongin’s warm smile lit up the cabin. “Sehun, you are worth so much more than you think. You… you didn’t have to do this. I didn’t expect you to say yes when I asked you to come with me and I never expected you to travel to the airport by yourself. But I just want you to know how proud I am of you. I’m so goddamn _proud_ of you.” Jongin let out a breathy laugh as he grasped Sehun’s hands in his own and grinned at him with tears in the corner of his eyes.

Sehun froze at the contact, but a gentle smile quickly formed on his lips at Jongin’s happiness. For a few moments, Sehun was able to forget where they were, what he had done, and all of the people that were around them. He was able to feel Jongin’s happiness within himself.

 

 

 

Sehun was grateful for Jongin and the way he handled his quirks. He tucked Sehun beneath his arm as he quickly maneuvered them, along with their luggage, through the crowded airport and into a waiting van. Jongin… he just _knew_ what to do for Sehun. Sehun didn’t even have to say anything for Jongin to understand the way he was feeling at any given moment.

It was the same when they arrived to the hotel. Sehun hadn’t gotten as far as securing a room – it was a miracle that he was even able to purchase a plane ticket on his own – but Jongin told him not to worry.

The older man led Sehun to his suite, which was much larger and much nicer than Sehun had ever imagined a hotel room to be. He guessed that’s because it _was_ a suite, after all. There was a private bedroom and bathroom, a small office, and a spacious living room and terrace. It was more like a small apartment than a hotel room.

Sehun stood in the middle of the living room with his hands folded in front. Jongin put their bags in the bedroom closet and reemerged a few seconds later, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I, um… I figured that we could just share my suite. You can take the bedroom and I’ll sleep in here on the sofa.”

Sehun looked up, already shaking his head in response. “N-no, Jongin. You take the bedroom. This is… This is your room. I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch.”

Jongin opened his mouth to hush Sehun. “Hey, no arguing,” He chuckled. “I’m serious, though, Sehun. I really want you to take the bedroom.”

“B-but… the couch will be so uncomfortable for you…”

Jongin smiled. “I’ve slept on these couches before and they’re really not so bad. I’ll be fine, okay?” Sehun nodded reluctantly. He once again felt as if he were taking advantage of Jongin’s kindness, but he figured it was better to just let the man do as he pleased.

Jongin cleared his throat before clapping his hands together. “Now, I don’t know about you, but I haven’t eaten yet and I’m _starving._ So… how about we get cleaned up and order some room service. Then we can get started on going over notes, okay?”

Sehun nodded. “Jongin… You don’t have to stay cooped up in here with me. I-I know you probably want to go out and have dinner at a nice restaurant. I’ll be okay here by myself. I don’t… I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me. It’s not fair to you.” Sehun twiddled his fingers as he looked down at the floor.

Jongin chuckled. “Sehun, you’re silly. I’m not going to leave you here alone. Not because I think you need a babysitter… but because I enjoy spending time with you.” Jongin smiled tenderly at Sehun.

Sehun didn’t know what to say to that. Jongin… actually enjoyed his company? Sehun couldn’t understand it. But he had to admit it was one of the nicest things he’d heard in a very, very long time. And it made his heart beat half a second faster.

“You can take the first shower. I have to make a few phone calls, anyways,” Jongin said softly, snapping Sehun back to reality. “All of our stuff is in the closet. There should be towels and soap in the bathroom already. I’ll just be over here in the office if you need anything, okay?”

Sehun nodded his head, giving Jongin a small smile before heading into the bedroom and shutting the door behind himself.

 

 

Sehun hadn’t wanted to stay in the bath for so long, but once his toes hit the warm water and the jets turned on in the spa tub, he had nearly fallen asleep. He guessed that money really could buy happiness if one were easily pleased. Sehun was. He’d saved up a lot over the years and was beginning to think that maybe he could invest some of that money into stress relief…. namely his own spa bath.

He shook that thought away and opened the closet. His and Jongin’s bags were sitting side by side. And there was one more bag that Sehun hadn’t noticed before, probably because he was too nervous earlier to pay attention to his surroundings. It was a small, pink tote bag and its handles were tied loosely together by a piece of a ribbon. There was a note attached to one end of the ribbon.

_To: Daddy_

_From: Nari_

_Be careful on your trip, Daddy!! I packed you a blankie and a pillow so you can get lots of rest. Snickerdoodle wanted to come so you don’t have to be by yourself. I wish I could go with you, but Kyungsoo oppa says I have to go to school if I want to be like you when I grow up. But I told Kyungsoo oppa that I want to be a baseball player. He still said no. I’m gonna miss you, Daddy. I love you!_

_Love, Nari_

Sehun grinned. Nari was such a bright and happy little girl. Sehun now noticed the top of the stuffed elephant’s head just barely poking out of the bag. If Sehun remembered correctly, then that must be Snickerdoodle. He chuckled and pat the elephant’s head softly, before turning to grab his own luggage.

Sehun threw on a pair of dark jeans and a grey t-shirt. He didn’t bother with styling his hair, but instead just ran his fingers through the damp, brown locks.

He opened the door hesitantly and stepped into the living room. He could hear Jongin’s voice coming from the office. The more Sehun listened, the more he could hear the frustration in Jongin’s voice. Sehun knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but that was one thing that he really couldn’t help.

“Look, I’ll take care of it, okay?”

“No, no, no. I’ve told you before that I’m not doing it again.”

“What you are asking isn’t fair to me! I didn’t write the book! I didn’t even publish the book! It’s not my job –“ Jongin sighed. Sehun supposed the person on the other line had interrupted him.

“Fine. I understand. But, this is the last time. If you do this to me again, I’m done.” Jongin didn’t wait for the other person to respond before disconnecting the call.

Sehun waited a few minutes. When he decided that Jongin was definitely finished with his phone calls, he held a nervous hand up to knock on the door. But, before he could even press his knuckles to the wood, the door was yanked open and Jongin stood before him, startled at Sehun’s presence.

“Sehun,” He breathed out. “You scared me.”

“I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to….” Sehun mumbled quietly. He eyed Jongin with a worried expression. “I-is everything…. Is everything okay?”

Jongin nodded, a tired smile gracing his lips. “It’s fine. It’s just…” He sighed and walked past Sehun to sit on the couch. Sehun followed behind him, taking his seat on the opposite end. “You know how I was telling you that I’m having to fill in for the author during press releases and things like that?” Sehun nodded and Jongin continued. “My boss just informed me that I’ll have to be here for another two weeks. He wants me to finish out the mini tour in the author’s place.”

“That’s… that’s really unfair. How can they do this to you? I-I… I thought you were the boss.” Sehun furrowed his brows.

Jongin chuckled miserably. “Even I still have people that I have to answer to,” He mumbled. He looked over at Sehun. “I mean, it would be fine, you know? It’s just that I haven’t been away from Nari for that long before. I’m never gone for more than a couple of days. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Sehun fiddled with his bottom lip, deep in thought. An idea suddenly struck him. He wasn’t really too sure if was such a _great_ idea, but… it was something.

“Why… why don’t you fly Nari out here? F-for the weekend, I mean. I’m going to be here at the hotel the whole time and I can watch her while you’re away. I-I-I…. mean… if you don’t mind me staying a few extra days,” Sehun said nervously.

Jongin smiled kindly. “You don’t have to do that, Sehun. I know being around others makes you uncomfortable and I don’t want you to feel like you have to watch her.”

“N-no… I-I want to. I-If you and Nari are okay with it… She’s a sweet girl. I think I’d be okay. A-And it would help you.” Sehun smiled timidly.

Jongin broke into a full-blown grin. “Sehun, are you sure you would really be okay with this? You don’t have to.”

Sehun nodded. “I’m sure. I-I know I’m not really… I don’t know. I’m kind of weird,” Sehun laughed at himself weakly. “But, I’d do anything to help you. And Nari and I get along pretty well, I think. I-It might be fun.”

Jongin beamed. “Ah! I wish I could hug you right now!” He laughed, waving his hands in excitement. “Sehun, you have no idea how much this means to me. Really.” Jongin’s smile faded as he took Sehun’s hands in his own, ignoring the boundaries he was always so careful not to cross with Sehun. “Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

Sehun felt like those words held more meaning than he understood, but he brushed it off and smiled warmly at Jongin. For some odd reason, Jongin’s warm hands wrapped around his own didn’t bother him as much as it should have.

 

 

“Okay, so we’ve been over the basic premise of the book a thousand times already. Can we please move on?” Jongin grumbled like an annoyed child as he shoved another bite of the fried rice into his mouth.

Sehun pointed his chopsticks at Jongin accusingly. “Hey, you’re the one who asked me to help you pound this book into your head. I’m just fulfilling my duties,” Sehun laughed, holding his hands up in defense.

Jongin smiled, setting his empty box of Chinese take-out on the coffee table. “I really do appreciate it, Sehun. The book was just so….” Jongin couldn’t even finish his sentence, but Sehun could tell, judging by the sour look on Jongin’s face, exactly what he was thinking.

“It was terrible,” Sehun said softly.

Jongin’s eyes widened and he nodded his head fervently. “Exactly! I couldn’t even get through the first three chapters, to be honest with you…”

Sehun scoffed. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to read this book cover to cover? Imagine how I feel!” He and Jongin laughed at his misfortune.

When Sehun looked over at the older man and saw the smile crinkling in the corner of his eyes, he felt… happy. It never ceased to surprise him how great it felt to just be around Jongin, even though it still took Sehun quite a bit of time to warm up to the man again after they’d settled into the room. It felt so good to laugh like they had been for the past couple of hours.

Jongin sighed, his bright smile finally fading. “As much as I really don’t want to leave, I should probably be heading to the conference hall right about now.”

Sehun smiled softly. “It’s okay. D-don’t be late, alright? I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Thanks again, Sehun,” Jongin said quietly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Sehun nodded his head in acknowledgement.

Jongin stood up, grabbing his coat from the back of the couch. He paused and turned back toward the younger man. “H-hey, Sehun?” He prompted tentatively. Sehun looked up. “Will you watch me on TV tonight?” Jongin asked softly.

“O-of course, Jongin. I wouldn’t miss it.” Sehun smiled genuinely, watching Jongin’s happy face light up the room as he turned to leave.


	10. Chapter Eight

Sehun was curled up in his blanket, like a caterpillar molting in its cocoon. He was sitting on the couch with the television remote in one hand and his phone in the other. He looked down at his phone screen and smiled softly.

****

**_From: Jongin_ **

_The conference is going to be on Channel 4._

_Sehun… I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me. And it makes me so happy that you’re here. I know it was hard for you and I’m forever grateful. I’m so nervous about speaking tonight, but I feel a thousand times better knowing that you’ll be watching. :) I hope I don’t mess up…. Wish me luck!_

_Relax and get some rest, okay? I’ll see you when I get back._

Sehun turned the TV on and set it to the appropriate channel. The conference hadn’t officially begun yet. People were still filing in and the camera would pan around the room every few seconds. Sehun grinned like an idiot when he spotted Jongin at the panel on the stage. Jongin was looking down, like he was checking his phone. When the camera panned away, Sehun’s own phone buzzed.

He looked down and swiped his finger across the screen. Another text from Jongin.

****

**_From: Jongin_ **

_Ahhhh… This is so boring! I wish I could just leave already. :P_

Sehun giggled. Jongin sounded just like a pouting kid. Sehun bit his lip and began to type out a response.

 

**_From: Sehun_ **

_It doesn’t look too fun from where I’m sitting, either. I think the most exciting part so far was when I got to see you on the TV haha._

**_From: Jongin_ **

_You saw me?? Didn’t I look handsome? ;D hahaha. They made me put makeup on for the broadcast._

Sehun rolled his eyes as he chuckled softly.

 

**_From: Sehun_ **

_Oh, yes. SO handsome. The most beautiful person in the room._

**_From: Jongin_ **

_Now I just feel like you’re being sarcastic ;P hahaha. Oh, wait, I think they’re about to come back around with the camera. LOOK AT THE TV!_

Sehun read the message and quickly looked at the TV in confusion. A couple seconds later, Jongin filled the screen. He was waving and smiling and throwing hearts enthusiastically with his arms. Sehun didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Instead, he laughed so hard that he began to cry. Jongin was such an idiot and Sehun loved every bit of it.

 

**_From: Jongin_ **

_Did you see it!?!?! Did you? Did you? DID YOU!?!?!_

**_From: Sehun_ **

_I did! Oh my gosh… Can’t. Stop. Laughing._

_Thanks for that, Jongin._

**_From: Jongin_ **

_See… even when you aren’t here, I still have more fun with you. :) I g2g, I think they’re really about to start now. See you later!_

Sehun couldn’t stop smiling. How did Jongin make him feel so… _happy_ all the time? No one made Sehun laugh like Jongin did. _Except for maybe Nari_ , Sehun thought with a smile.

Then again, Sehun had never let anyone in like this before.

He sighed and shook his head to clear his mind, turning his attention back to the television.

 

 

Sehun must have fallen asleep during the latter half of the broadcast. The sound of the door being shut was what woke him. His heart began to race. Sehun could hear footsteps coming closer.

“J-Jongin?” He whispered nervously in the dark living room, the only light coming from the TV screen.

“Yeah, it’s me, Sehun,” That familiar, deep voice replied quietly.

Sehun breathed a sigh of relief. He could make out Jongin’s figure in the dark, coming closer until he finally reached the couch and sat down on the end opposite Sehun. Sehun made to move his legs out of the way to give Jongin more room, but instead, Jongin grabbed hold of his ankles and placed Sehun’s feet in his lap. He didn’t say anything and neither did Sehun. The silence certainly wasn’t unpleasant.

Jongin eventually began to trace patterns across the top of Sehun’s bare foot and Sehun let him. He was lying back on the couch, his head propped on one of the cushions, eyes closed, and dangerously close to falling asleep again.

Jongin let out a sigh and tapped Sehun’s foot tenderly. “I think you should probably go ahead and go the bedroom. You look like you’re about to pass out.” Even though Sehun’s eyes were closed, he could tell that Jongin was grinning.

“Why don’t you take the bedroom? You’ve had a much longer night than I have,” Sehun smiled sleepily.

“We’ve talked about this. You are going to be sleeping in the bed. No complaints!” He laughed.

“Fine, fine…” Sehun chuckled. “I’m going.”

Sehun tiredly pulled his feet out of Jongin’s lap and stood up from the couch. He stretched his arms over his head and let out a yawn before dragging himself toward the bedroom. He held his hands out in front of him, feeling around for the edge of the bed. When he finally found it, he pulled the blankets back and climbed in.

Only a moment later, he could hear Jongin shuffling into the room and opening the closet door to retrieve his pajamas.

“I’m gonna use the bathroom, but I’ll only be a second,” He whispered in the dark, as he tiptoed to the en suite.

True to his word, Jongin was out of the bathroom less than two minutes later. Sehun could see Jongin’s tall, dark figure making its way toward the door.

“Jongin.” Sehun prompted softly.

The older man paused by the door. “Mmhm?”

“You were great tonight. I’m really….” Sehun let out a yawn midway through his sentence. “…proud of you,” He finished sleepily, his eyes getting heaver and heavier.

Jongin chuckled softly. “Thank you, Sehun.”

A drowsy Sehun hummed in response. Jongin listened quietly until he heard the soft snores. He could just barely make out Sehun’s sleeping form bundled up in the bed.

“I’m proud of you, too, Sehun,” He whispered, aware that the other man wouldn’t be able to hear him. “I’m so proud of you.” He placed a hand on the doorknob as he began to step out of the room, turning around to flash one last, tender smile at Sehun. “Goodnight, beautiful.”

 

 

 

Sehun was startled awake during the night. Another nightmare. He wished they would stop. He was left with his heart pounding and his breath caught in his throat. Not to mention, he was sweating buckets.

Surprisingly, Sehun didn’t freak out about being in an unfamiliar room. When he woke from his nightmare, he remembered where he was. That was rare.

It was just after five in the morning. The sun was just beginning to rise and the light was trying to break through the curtains. Sehun wanted to try and get back to sleep, but his throat was so dry and his stomach was in knots. He figured having a glass of water wouldn’t hurt.

He quietly exited the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen. He passed by Jongin, sleeping soundly on the sofa. Sehun stood there for a moment, just watching him. Studying him. His face was… so tired, but so serene.

He had been working hard and Sehun could tell that he was exhausted, not that Jongin would ever let it show. He _always_ smiled in front of Sehun – in front of Nari. Jongin was a _good_ person. Sehun was scared of almost everything and his anxiety kept him from many things. But, slowly, he was beginning to realize that he didn’t have to be scared of Jongin. He didn’t _want_ to be scared of him.

Sehun stepped a little closer, grabbing the fallen blanket from the floor and gently draping it over Jongin’s sleeping form. He smiled fondly at the man and quietly crept into the kitchen for a glass of water.

 

 

Jongin cracked his eyes open, squinting at the bright morning sunlight. _What time is it?_

He checked his phone. _9:47_. He must have been really worn out last night to have slept in this late.

 _And… what… what is that smell? Pancakes?_ He thought to himself, sitting up slowly on the couch. He turned toward the kitchen. Sehun’s back was turned to him. He was standing at the stove, spatula in hand. And he was… he was _humming_. It was a happy little tune that Jongin had never heard before. He smiled.

“Sehun,” Jongin prompted, stepping into the small kitchen. Sehun jumped, holding his hand over his chest as he turned around, his eyes wide.

“J-Jongin… you scared me.” Instantly, Sehun’s expression changed into something more like guilt. “I’m so sorry. I-I-I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“It’s okay,” Jongin chuckled. “So…” He gestured to the spatula in the hand that Sehun was still holding over his chest. “You’re cooking?”

Sehun nodded, smiling timidly. “Y-yeah. I thought I’d try to make breakfast. I mean, it’s nowhere near as good as yours, b-but I tried…”

Jongin grinned, closing his eyes as he took a whiff. “Mmmmm… Well, it smells amazing.”

That really made Sehun smile. He _hoped_ that Jongin would like his cooking. It’s the least that Sehun could do for him.

“G-guess w-what I did…” Sehun said softly, looking up at Jongin through thick lashes, with an almost mischievous glint in his eyes, if Jongin didn’t know any better.

“What’s that?” Jongin smirked playfully.

“I… I went to the market downstairs in the lobby… a-all by m-myself…” Sehun bit his lip, suddenly unsure of himself. But, when Jongin slapped a hand over his mouth in shock and began to grin ecstatically, telling Sehun how brave he was and how proud he was of him… Sehun blushed and laughed softly.

“Sehun… that’s _incredible_. You could have woken me up and I would have gone with you, though. I’m just… I am _SO_ proud of you! But, if you do get scared, don’t be afraid to ask me for help, okay?” Jongin assured him, still grinning.

“I’m _always_ scared, Jongin,” Sehun chuckled. “I-I just… I want to get better. I know I’m never going to get better if I don’t try, though.” Sehun’s smile faded and he looked down at the spatula in his hands, turning it over and over to keep his mind busy. “I… I need you to help me. I’m _asking_ you to help me,” He said quietly.

Jongin stilled Sehun’s hands with his own. “Sehun, look at me.” The younger man did as he was told. He looked into Jongin’s eyes, his expression firm. “How many times have I told you that I’m here for you?” Jongin broke into a smile. “You _are_ going to get better. And I’m going to make sure of it.”

Sehun and Jongin looked at each other for a long minute. And then Sehun did something that surprised both of them. He hugged Jongin. Jongin was taken aback. He let out a breath as Sehun buried his face in Jongin’s chest, tightening his arms around Jongin’s waist. Jongin hesitantly wrapped his arms around Sehun, cradling Sehun’s head with his hand.

“ _Thank you, Jongin_.” Sehun was so quiet that Jongin almost didn’t hear him. Instead of speaking, because Jongin wasn’t sure if he trusted his own voice at the moment, he softly ruffled Sehun’s hair in acknowledgment.

Jongin thought he heard Sehun sniffling as he stood there with his face pressed against Jongin’s chest, but just as quickly as Sehun had grabbed onto him, he let him go, wiping his cheek as he turned back to the stove.

“M-m-my pancakes are starting to burn… I have to keep an eye on them…” Sehun said absentmindedly, as if the last two minutes hadn’t occurred.

 

 

 

Sehun was so complex. And he confused Jongin. But… that just made Jongin want to try even harder to help Sehun overcome the very thing that was holding him back. If… if only Jongin knew what that was. Sehun didn’t talk much about his personal life. It was funny. Jongin really _didn’t_ know that much about Sehun, yet at the same time, he felt like he’d known him all his life.

Jongin… he trusted Sehun. And Sehun trusted him. Jongin wasn’t dumb. He knew how much the little things he did meant to Sehun. And that’s why he did them. He wanted to show Sehun that he cared about him. He wanted Sehun to _want_ to open up to him – to _want_ talk to him. Jongin just wanted to be there for Sehun. And he would tell him so every single day if that’s what it took.

And he was _so_ happy that Sehun got along with Nari. Jongin smiled at the thought. Nari already considered Sehun her best friend. When it came to his daughter, Jongin didn’t trust everyone. And neither did Nari. But, Sehun was different. Even Nari, at seven years old, knew there was something special about Sehun. He was just… pure.

Jongin hated to leave Sehun alone today, but he had meetings until later this evening, then he had another live press conference. And he couldn’t forget to call Kyungsoo and tell him that he would be flying Nari here tomorrow.

Jongin dreaded these meetings. Especially since this wasn’t even really his job. He was in _marketing_. He didn’t sign up for this. If he really wanted to go on a book tour, discussing a best-selling novel on live television, he would have written a book himself.

He grabbed his tie and wrapped it around his neck, adjusting it so that it was comfortable and snug, and headed into the living room. Sehun was on the couch, his laptop open, and a pair of reading glasses hanging haphazardly on the bridge of his nose. He smiled when Jongin walked in, looking up from his laptop.

“I have to get going,” Jongin said softly. “Will you be okay by yourself for a few hours? It’ll probably be late when I get back.”

Sehun nodded. “I-I’ll be fine. I have some new pages to work on, so I can keep myself busy,” He grinned.

Jongin smiled. “Alright. Well… I guess I’ll see you later, then?”

Sehun nodded his head with a soft smile. “See you later.”

Jongin waved goodbye as he headed for the door. His phone buzzed when he reached the elevator. He fished it out of his pocket.

 

**_From: Sehun_ **

_I forgot to tell you good luck! So… good luck tonight! I’ll be watching for you!_

Jongin grinned happily, sticking his phone back into his pocket.

 

 

 

Sehun yawned as he sat up on the couch. He must have fallen asleep again. His laptop was lying open on his lap, the screen already turned black where the computer itself had also gone into “sleep mode.” He had watched most of the broadcast while he worked on the new pages his office had emailed him, but somewhere in that time he’d passed out.

Sehun checked the time on his phone. It was getting late. Jongin would probably be coming in soon. Sehun figured he might as well go ahead and get in bed, that way Jongin won’t have to nag him to do it when he got back. Sehun sighed. Jongin was way too nice sometimes. Letting Sehun have the bed when Jongin really should have been the one to take it.

Sehun closed his laptop and shut off the TV. He made his way to the bedroom and turned the doorknob. He really didn’t remember shutting the door earlier, but he guess he must have bec-

Sehun froze. His mouth hung open, but his breath was caught in his throat. _He_ certainly hadn’t shut the door. But, _Jongin_ had. And Sehun was currently staring at Jongin’s nude backside as he dried himself with a towel.

Sehun didn’t know what to do. This was not right. He had to get out of here. He gasped as he began to back out of the room. Jongin heard him. He turned around and Sehun’s eyes began to bulge out of his face as Jongin unintentionally flashed him. Sehun shut his eyes quickly, but the mental image was already burned into his brain.

“I-I-I’m sor-“ Sehun tried to say as he continued to step backwards out of the bedroom. In hindsight, he probably should have been looking where he was going, because the next thing Sehun knew, he was falling backwards, yelping as he flailed his arms before landing flat on his back.

“Sehun!” Jongin yelled as he quickly tied the towel around his waist. He ran to Sehun’s side. Sehun was mortified. His cheeks were brighter than a tomato and he was trying so hard not to look Jongin in the eye as the older man examined him out of concern.

Sehun was trying very hard to ignore how very nude Jongin was and how very close he was. He turned his face in the direction where Jongin _wasn’t_. He couldn’t look at Jongin. He just couldn’t.

“Sehun, are you okay??” Jongin brushed Sehun’s hair out of his eyes and gently grabbed his chin, turning Sehun to face him. Sehun scrunched his eyes shut.

“I-I-I’m sorry, Jongin.. I-I-I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know you were….”

“It’s okay, Sehun. I’m more worried about you than you seeing me naked.”

Sehun shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, I-I-I’m great aside from being slightly embarrassed and scarred for life.”

That made Jongin laugh. Sehun couldn’t help but grin, too, as he tried to stand up. Jongin grabbed his arms and helped him to his feet, while Sehun still tried to avoid looking directly at Jongin.

“I’m sorry you had to you see… um, you know. I should have told you that I was back, but you were sleeping so well and I figured I could just grab a quick shower before waking you up.” Jongin pursed his lips apologetically.

“I-It’s fine,” Sehun smiled, finally looking up at Jongin. “I-I-I’ll just knock before I enter next time…” He laughed softly.

 

 

 

After Jongin had finished getting dressed, he bid Sehun goodnight and closed the bedroom door. Sehun lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. He was trying really, really hard, but the image of Jongin’s butt… it wasn’t leaving his mind anytime soon. Sehun sighed and rolled over. He didn’t feel right. His stomach was tied in knots and all he could think about was… was how _nice_ of a butt Jongin had. It was very nice. And Sehun slapped himself. He groaned and rolled over once more. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking about these types of things. It… it wasn’t right.

 

 

Sehun had eventually fallen asleep, but was awaken during the night by the sound of the bedroom door opening and closing. Sehun stayed calm as a tall figure walked slowly to the other side of the bed and climbed under the blankets, sidling up beside Sehun and wrapping an arm around his waist.

Sehun was… Sehun was naked? He had never slept nude before, so he must have gotten too hot or something in the night. He felt the hand on his hip caress the skin there softly. It was warm and… and nice. Then, a pair of lips landed on his own and Sehun gasped before they quickly pulled away.

“Jongin?” Sehun whispered into the dark.

“Yeah, Sehun. It’s me.” He whispered back, reaching up to cup Sehun’s cheek with his palm.

“I was waiting for you,” Sehun said softly. “I… I hoped that you would come.”

“I’m here. I’m right here…” Jongin’s voice trailed off as his lips once again captured Sehun’s, this time a little more forcefully, pulling a subtle moan from the younger man.

Jongin moved his lips to the side of Sehun’s mouth and planted a soft kiss there, then moved further down to Sehun’s jaw line. Another kiss. Further and further until he reached Sehun’s chest. More and more kisses. Sehun was in a state of bliss. Jongin kept going down. Sehun threw his head back into the pillows, a cry of Jongin’s name on his lips, when Jongin finally reached the spot he’d been searching for. A little more than just a kiss….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't freak out yet. Just wait.


	11. Chapter Nine

Sehun awoke early the next morning, soaked in his own sweat. He was hot. He was _burning_ hot. And it wasn’t because of the temperature. Sehun was in- and exhaling in shallow breaths. He was _aroused_.

He didn’t know what to do. He was more embarrassed than anything. He hadn’t had such an explicit dream in all his life. His nightmares didn’t count. This dream... it made him feel _good_. And that scared Sehun more than the torture he’d felt in his nightmares.

Sehun jumped out of the bed. It was still early, so Jongin probably hadn’t woken up yet. Sehun grabbed a fresh pair of clothes and hurried into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He didn’t even bother waiting for hot water to run in the shower. He wanted it _cold_. He had to get rid of this _thing_ sticking straight out between his legs.

Sehun stood there under the freezing stream of water. He lips were quivering as he glanced down between his legs. His erect member was throbbing and Sehun just wanted it to stop. None of this was _right_. He didn’t _want_ to feel this way. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way.

This state of arousal was more or less a new sensation for Sehun and he was terrified of it. He knew about human anatomy and how it worked. He wasn’t an idiot. He just… never really had the chance to experience it in a controlled environment. His only sexual encounter was forced upon him in the worst possible way and his life after had so clearly been such a mess.

Sehun tentatively reached a hand down and grasped his member. He let out a startled gasp at the sensation. _How was he supposed to feel right now?_

Sehun shut his eyes tightly. He squeezed the shaft as hard as he could, to a point where it began to throb in pain. Sehun’s eyes swelled with fresh tears as he bit his lip, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth. He was _angry._ If that scumbag excuse of a human being had never laid a hand on him, then he wouldn’t be standing here right now _praying_ that his dick would shrivel up and fall off. Sehun would be normal. He had a chance to be happy and love and _be loved_ like a normal person and that was so crudely taken away from him.

 

 

Sehun wasn’t sure how long he had been in the shower, but eventually he heard three soft knocks on the door. He sniffled and cleared his throat.

“B-be out in a minute…” He called out, not bothering to listen if Jongin had replied.

Sehun let the water run down his face one last time before shutting it off and stepping out of the shower. He quickly dried himself and put his clothes on.

Jongin was sitting on the bed, already dressed, when Sehun exited the bathroom. He stood up when he saw Sehun.

“You were in there for a really long time. Are you ok-“ Jongin paused midsentence when Sehun looked up at him. “Sehun, your eyes are bloodshot. Were you… were you crying?” Jongin asked softly, stepping closer to Sehun.

“I’m fine,” Sehun said brusquely, shoving past Jongin as he walked out of the bedroom.

Jongin was left alone in the bedroom, mouth open in question and completely stunned.

 

 

Sehun made breakfast again. Jongin didn’t try to speak to him once in that time. He wouldn’t even come near the kitchen. Sehun hadn’t meant to act so coldly toward him earlier. It wasn’t Jongin’s fault. Sehun couldn’t control his own thoughts and he was just upset. He shouldn’t have taken it out on Jongin when the man had been nothing but sincere and kind to him.

Sehun sighed, looking down at the plate of food he’d made with a sad smile. He grabbed the bottle of chocolate syrup from the refrigerator and quickly, but carefully, began to draw characters on the stack of pancakes.

 

Jongin sat at the desk in the ensuite office. He pulled his glasses off, pinching the bridge of his nose as his head had begun to throb. He was startled by the soft knock on the door and even more in shock when Sehun stepped inside only a moment later, holding a plate of food out to him.

Neither of them spoke as Jongin accepted the plate, setting it on the desk before him. He smiled softly, looking down at the stack of pancakes with the whipped cream and blueberries so deliciously surrounding it and one single word spelled out in delicate handwriting right in the middle.

_미안합니다_ _._

_I’m sorry._

“Sehun…” Jongin began, looking up at him now. Sehun stared back at him with uncertainty in his own eyes. “Did I… did I do something wrong?” Jongin whispered nervously.

Sehun quickly shook his head, looking down at the ground as he fiddled with his hands. “It’s not you. I-it’s me. You haven’t done anything. I’m sorry that I acted the way that I did. I-I-I was upset.”

“I see. Do you… do you wanna to talk about it?”

“No!” Sehun yelled, quickly covering his mouth with his hands. “No… Please. I can’t…” He whispered.

Jongin sighed and boldly grabbed Sehun’s hand. “It’s okay, Sehun. We don’t have to talk about it. But just know that if you ever do decide that you need someone to listen, I’m right here, okay? And I’m not going anywhere. No matter how much you might want to push me away sometimes, I’m not going to leave you.”

Sehun could feel his eyes beginning to water and he certainly didn’t want to cry in front of Jongin. He felt like the only thing he ever seemed to do was cry. He scrunched his eyes shut. He felt Jongin grab his other hand as he stood up from his desk. Sehun let out a shaky breath and a warm hand laid itself on his cheek, wiping away the tear that Sehun had tried to hold in.

“Let’s go eat at the table together, okay?” Jongin said softly against Sehun’s ear. “This food looks amazing, Sehun. You’re really impressing me with your cooking skills,” He said with a smile to his voice, picking up his plate and pulling Sehun toward the kitchen.

 

 

“Kyungsoo said they had a nine o’clock flight so they should be here any time now,” Jongin mumbled, looking down at his watch. “Hey, so, I was thinking… what if I take today off? You know, call in sick or something. Today was just an office day, anyways. We could… we could go to the beach or something? I know being around other people scares you an-“

“Let’s do it.”

“What?”

“I want to spend time with you and Nari,” Sehun said quietly, looking at Jongin with determination.

“Oh…kay. Okay?” Jongin smiled widely. “Okay! This is gonna be a great day, Sehun. You’re going to have fun, I promise!”

Sehun laughed at Jongin’s excitement. It was always nice to see him smile. No matter how terrified Sehun might be about leaving the hotel, he was going to put on a brave face for Jongin and Nari.

“We can do something else, though, if going to the beach is too much for you. I don’t want you to feel-“

“Jongin?”

“Y-yeah?”

“Shut up.” Sehun smiled softly at Jongin who returned the gesture, cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

“O-okay.”

They both jumped at the pounding on the door. Jongin and Sehun smiled at each other knowingly as they both stood up. Jongin opened the door to an ever-energetic Nari wrapping her arms around his legs.

“ _Daddy!_ ”

“Hey, baby.” He scooped her into his arms with a grunt. “Ohhh, I missed you so much!”

“Daddy, guess what!?”

“What, Sweetheart?”

“Kyungsoo oppa let me eat a whole pie all by myself for breakfast!”

Jongin’s eyes widened in amusement. “ _He did!?_ ”

“I did not _let_ her have the whole thing to herself!” The petite, brunette male finally entered the room, still trying to catch his breath, most presumably after having to run after Nari. “She _found_ the pie I made for Chanyeol in the refrigerator. By the time I got to her, there was only one piece left, so I told her she _might as well have eaten the whole thing!_ I did not condone that!” Kyungsoo defended cutely.

Nari grinned. “Kyungsoo oppa makes the best pies.”

“Kim Nari, you are worse than your father!” Kyungsoo pointed a finger at her accusingly. His expression softened when he noticed Sehun standing several feet behind Jongin. “Oh, hello, there,” He greet politely.

“Hello,” Sehun said with a soft smile.

“Sehun!?” Nari squirmed in Jongin’s arms until he finally put her down, so that she could run directly into Sehun’s.

He bent down, enveloping the small girl in his arms. “Hi, Nari.”

“Daddy, you didn’t tell me that Sehun was gonna be here!” Nari was squeezing the life out of him, but Sehun didn’t mind it one bit. As he stood back up, Nari grabbed his hand and pulled him toward Jongin.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Jongin laughed. “Actually… I should probably introduce you two, though.” Jongin smiled sheepishly, looking between Sehun and Kyungsoo. “Sehun, this is my best friend’s husband and also the single greatest chef in Seoul, Park Kyungsoo. And Kyungsoo, this is my good friend and coincidentally also my business partner for the time being, Oh Sehun.”

“It’s nice to finally meet the person that Nari and Jongin never shut up about,” Kyungsoo smiled taking Sehun’s hand in his own. Jongin playfully punched Kyungsoo’s arm in embarrassment and Sehun chuckled.

“I’m glad to m-meet the person who made the most delicious lemon bars I-I’ve ever seen. Of course, I didn’t actually get the chance to try them. Nari kind of stole mine before I got to eat it,” Sehun grinned.

Kyungsoo laughed. “That sounds like Nari.”

“ _Hey_ , you two are mean!” She frowned, crossing her arms over her chest.

Kyungsoo ruffled her hair. “Oh, Nari, we’re only teasing,” He smiled. “Now, give me a hug goodbye so I can go catch my flight home.” The little girl caved, wrapping her arms around the small guy. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she smiled at him.

“You get on my nerves, but I guess I still love you, oppa.”

“Always count on Nari to keep it real,” Jongin laughed.

“Okay, guys, I really have to go. Bye, Jongin. It was so nice to meet you, Sehun. Maybe when you guys get back we can have a double date or something. Have a good weekend, Nari!” He waved goodbye and closed the door.

Sehun blushed, realizing that Kyungsoo had assumed he and Jongin had something else going on. Jongin didn’t seem to notice and Sehun was glad for that. The three of them migrated into the living room and Nari immediately plopped down on the couch.

“Don’t get too comfortable, honey, we’ve got a full day ahead of us.”

“But, _dad_ , I don’t want to go to your dumb business meetings….”

“Who said anything about that? I’m taking you to the beach, baby girl.”

Nari jumped up. “Seriously, dad!?” Jongin nodded and Nari began to jump up and down. “This is awesome! Sehun, are you going, too!?”

“Y-yeah. I’m going with you.”

“Oh my gosh! This is going to be the best weekend ever!” Nari took off running through the hotel room. Sehun laughed.

“Hey,” Jongin said softly.

Sehun looked up at him. “Hmm?”

“You did really well talking to Kyungsoo. I’m proud of you,” Jongin smiled.

“Kyungsoo is a really nice guy. I see why Nari likes him so much. She does seem to give him a hard time, though,” Sehun chuckled.

“That’s just Nari being Nari. Kyungsoo is more like a protective big brother to her than anything. He’s actually older than me, but he and Nari argue like they’re _both_ children,” Jongin laughed.

“She’s lucky to have such wonderful people in her life,” Sehun smiled genuinely.

“And now she has you, too,” Jongin said softly. “We’re lucky to have _you_ in our life, Sehun.”

Jongin took off to find Nari before Sehun had a chance to say anything. 

 


	12. Bonus: Merry Christmas

A/N: I'm sorry this isn't a real update, but Merry Christmas. This is a short oneshot. It's set a few years later and is basically just fluff and a happy, healthy Sehun. ;_;

 

 

Jongin watched Sehun with the greatest amount of joy that someone could feel on such a cheerful day as this. The younger man was standing in front of their large Christmas tree, hanging decorations ever-so-delicately.

He had been so cute earlier, angry over the fact that Jongin had been so busy at work that he hadn’t even had time to buy their daughter a Christmas tree, and here it was Christmas Eve. Little did Sehun know, Jongin had already bought a tree earlier that day and set it up before his husband arrived home from the grocery store with their daughter. As cute as Sehun may have been when he was angry, he was absolutely stunning when he was smiling. That was what Jongin lived for.

Sehun had one of those beautiful little smiles on his face now. He held his tummy protectively as he stretched to hang one ornament high on the tree. His protruding belly was getting bigger every day and Jongin couldn’t be happier. His small family of three would soon be four.

Jongin crept up behind Sehun and wrapped his arms around the beautiful man, letting his hands rest softly atop Sehun’s stomach.

“Do you need some help with that, baby?” He said softly against Sehun’s cheek as he planted a small kiss there. Sehun grinned, his cheeks red and warm.

“I can get it, honey, it’s not that high up. It’s just a little harder for me to stretch these days with this big belly,” He laughed.

“I think your big belly is beautiful,” Jongin said cheekily, turning Sehun around in his arms, so that he was now facing him, said big belly poking Jongin’s own flat stomach. “In fact,” Jongin continued with a smirk, “I think your big butt is beautiful, too.”

Sehun hit Jongin in the arm teasingly. “You’re such a creep,” He laughed. “I can’t help it that my butt is big,” He pouted. “It’s the pregnancy. It’ll probably go away after the baby is born.”

“No! It’s so squishy. I like it a lot. I want to keep it.” Jongin poked his bottom lip out in a pout.

Sehun chuckled. “Alright, alright. Maybe I’ll consider doing squats after the baby comes and let you keep this big, squishy butt that you like so much.”

“That’s all I ask,” Jongin grinned, pecking Sehun’s nose. “It’s my Christmas wish. I just want your butt.” Sehun could do nothing but roll his eyes.

“Speaking of Christmas wishes… “Little Sister” was on the top of Nari’s Christmas list. When should we tell her?” Sehun bit his bottom lip nervously.

“Let’s do it tonight.” Jongin smiled warmly, flashing his beautiful teeth. “She’s gonna be so happy. _I’m_ happy.”

Sehun wrapped his arms around his husband, resting his head on his shoulder. Jongin held him tightly, rubbing gentle circles across his back. “I love you, Oh Sehun.”

Sehun pinched the top of Jongin’s butt in mock anger. “It’s _Kim_ Sehun, now, asshole. And I love you, too,” He smiled.

 

 

“ _Dad…._ Can I please open my presents now? You said I had to wait until after dinner and we finished dinner _forever_ ago _._ ”

Jongin had wondered when Nari was finally going to crack. They’d been lying on the couch watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ for the past hour, but he could tell that his daughter was getting antsy about the presents. He looked over to Sehun and smiled as the man nodded at him with a small grin gracing his lips.

“I don’t know, Sweetheart. I think maybe you should wait until Santa comes in the morning.”

Nari deadpanned. “ _Seriously, Dad?_ I’m ten. I _know_ that you two are Santa.”

“Oh, really, now?” Jongin scoffed. “So are you telling me that we can’t trust you to keep up the story when your little sister gets here?”

Nari froze. “ _What_?” She whispered in disbelief.

“Your sister is going to be heartbroken if you ruin the magic of Christmas.”

“ _I’M GETTING A LITTLE SISTER!!?”_

Jongin couldn’t contain his excitement. “Yeah, baby, you are! You’re going to have a baby sister!” He grinned happily, pulling Nari into his arms and rocking her back and forth.

“Is this true, Daddy!?” She squealed, turning to Sehun.

“Yes, honey! We’re having a girl!” Sehun’s emotions were already running high because of his pregnancy hormones. So when Nari bent over and placed her small hands on his stomach and began to pepper her unborn sister in kisses and tell her how much she loved her and couldn’t wait to meet her, Sehun began to cry.

He was bawling like a baby. Nari sidled up next to him and wrapped her small arms around his neck and held him tightly. “I love you, Daddy. And I love my sister. This is the best Christmas ever,” She whispered softly next to Sehun’s ear.

Sehun cradled her head in his hand and rubbed her back gently as they held onto each other. “I love you, too, baby. I love you so, so much.”

“Gosh, you guys, let me in on this hug,” Jongin groaned as he scooted across the couch, enveloping them both in his arms. Nari and Sehun laughed.

“Gross, Dad! My head is in your stinky armpit!” Nari giggled, as Jongin pulled them even closer.

“I love you _both!_ Smell my love!” He yelled.

“ _I’m pretty sure it’s not love I’m smelling under your arm!”_ Nari’s voice was muffled by Sehun’s shoulder, as she tried to keep her face away from her father’s monstrous armpit.

Sehun’s heart was so full. He had the two greatest (and also weirdest) joys in his life wrapped in his arms and another safe and sound in his tummy. If you’d asked him a few years ago, he’d never think that this is where he would be today. He didn’t know if he’d even be _here_ at all. But he _was_ here now. And he was happy.

When Jongin finally released them and Nari pulled away to sit back on the couch, she closed her eyes and sighed happily. “Best. Christmas. Ever.”

And neither Sehun nor Jongin could disagree with that. 


	13. Chapter Ten

The next hour found Sehun, Jongin, and little Nari walking to the beach nearby. Surprisingly, there weren’t many people out, which Sehun was glad for. Yet, despite that, Jongin held onto Sehun’s hand. He was scared to let him go, and to be quite frank, Sehun didn’t want him to. Nari skipped and hopped happily, always just one step in front of them. Sehun and Jongin both watched her fondly as she shimmied her way down the boardwalk.

“It’s beautiful outside today,” Jongin prompted softly.

Sehun hummed in response. “It is. I wish I could do this more often. This… this is really nice.”

Jongin grazed his thumb across the back of Sehun’s hand tenderly. “You can do this anytime you want, Sehun.”

Sehun laughed a little at that. “If only…” He sighed. “It’s still hard for me. With you two, right now, it’s easier. But, I’m still nervous. I’m still terrified I’m going to freak out again at any time. I’m trying my best. I want to heal.”

Jongin smiled. “That’s all you can do, Sehun. Try. I know it’s hard. But, look at you. You’re here. You’re here because you tried.” Jongin paused and cupped Sehun’s cheek affectionately with his free hand. “And I’m so proud of you.”

Sehun couldn’t find words to say as they began to walk again, but he didn’t think Jongin was looking for a response anyways. That’s just how Jongin was. He made Sehun feel so good. Good about himself. Good about everything. Yet he never expected anything in return.

Not much longer, their feet hit the sand. Nari was going bananas. She would kick her feet in the air and fall to the ground to make ‘sand angels’. Jongin directed them to an area close by that he knew would be completely vacant of people, not that there were more than a couple dozen other souls on the beach to begin with.

It was only another five-minute walk. Jongin led them to a secluded area just past a small cliff. The sand bank there wasn’t huge, but they didn’t need it to be. Nari was happy just to be able to build her sand castles. The cliff was just tall enough to give them the privacy that Jongin knew Sehun needed. It was like their own little private beach.

“Daddy! Sehun! Look at my castle!”

“It’s beautiful, baby,” Jongin grinned at his daughter as he plopped down onto the sand. Sehun squatted down beside Nari, helping her put the final touches on the extravagant sand castle.

“There we go,” Sehun smiled, poking a small, makeshift flag out of the top of the ‘tower’. “I think it’s fit for a princess.”

Nari smiled at Sehun sweetly. “I’m Princess Nari?”

Sehun nodded with a laugh. “Yes. Princess Nari.”

“And my daddy can be the king?” She asked curiously.

Sehun nodded once more. “Yes, what is a castle without a king?” He smiled down at the little girl.

Nari grinned happily. “And you can be the queen? And then we can be a whole family. And I can have a mommy.”

That sent a little pang to Sehun’s heart. He didn’t understand why Nari’s words broke his heart so badly, but he felt his eyes brimming with tears regardless. He knew she hadn’t meant anything against Jongin. He was doing a perfect job of being Dad _and_ Mom. But Sehun felt sad for the little girl who had never known what it was like to have a mother.

Sehun didn’t say anything as he pulled the little girl to his side and kissed her forehead, smiling down at her.

Sehun decided to change the topic. “Princess Nari?” He prompted.

“Yes?” She said, albeit too sweetly.

“Would you mind teaching me how to swim? I’m afraid I just can’t remember how.”

She grinned widely, nodding her head fervently.

 

Nari pulled her sundress over her head and threw it the ground, immediately running to the water in her cute pink bathing suit with the yellow sunflowers on it. Sehun chuckled. He kicked his sandals off and began to hesitantly pull his t-shirt up.

Instantly, he could feel the rays of the sun beating down on his pale back. It felt… _amazing_. He withdrew the shirt from his body and gripped it in his hands, closing his eyes as he soaked up the rays of the sun.

Jongin watched him from their beach towel. Sehun was so stunning and he didn’t even realize it. His pale skin was a beautiful contrast to the navy blue swim trunks he’d borrowed from Jongin. His smooth stomach was unmarked by any blemishes.

Jongin wished just once that he could hold Sehun’s lithe body in his arms and never let go. Jongin looked away and let out a long sigh. What was this feeling he was beginning to have? He let the thought fade away and shoved it to the back of his mind.

Sehun tiptoed to the edge of the water. The sunlight glistened against the water, making it sparkle and shine like there were diamonds lying beneath the waves. He timidly stuck one toe in, testing its warmth. With a determined grin, he threw the shirt he’d been gripping to the ground and took a runner’s stance.

Three, two, one…

Sehun’s feet caused a ruckus against the shallow water as he ran, finally making a leap as the sand began to disappear into the water. Sehun went under, flailing his hands happily. It certainly wasn’t deep enough for Sehun to get into too much trouble (he really wasn’t lying when he’d asked Nari to help him swim, after all.) Within seconds, he was doggy paddling back to shore, hair soaking wet as water ran down his face, laughing as knees hit the sand and he began to stand up.

It wasn’t only Jongin watching him – Nari also couldn’t take her eyes off of him. Sehun was actually _laughing_. It wasn’t just a light laugh either. It was hearty and deep and came from far within. It was one of those laughs that when you heard it, you just _knew_ that the person laughing was genuinely happy. It was a laugh that made you feel that secondhand happiness.

Nari had never seen Sehun like this before. He was having fun. Of course, they’d had fun together many times, but this was… this was different. It was like Sehun was a kid like her. Nari smiled. She just wanted to run over to him give him a hug really, really bad. But instead, she sat down on the towel next to her dad and they smiled at each other.

“Daddy, I think I really love Sehun,” Nari said softly, glancing back in Sehun’s direction, watching him splash around in the water.

Jongin followed her gaze. “ _I think I do, too, baby…”_


	14. Chapter Eleven

Jongin had stepped away from Sehun and Nari for only a moment so that he could make a phone call. He had something special planned for their evening and he hoped that Sehun would be okay with it. For Jongin, he just wanted to make the most of this weekend with his daughter and Sehun.

 

They arrived back to the hotel early in the evening. Jongin ran Nari a bath. He warned her not to take _too_ long, because knowing his daughter, she could stay in there hiding in the bubbles for hours. While she was occupied, Sehun and Jongin sat together on the sofa.

 

Sehun let out a sigh as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the cushioned back. Jongin quietly cleared his throat and slowly, carefully, pulled Sehun’s hand into his own. He drew circles and swirls across the back of Sehun’s hand. Jongin let out a breath when Sehun suddenly twined their fingers together.

 

It was quiet. The only noise to be heard coming from Nari splashing in the tub.

 

“Thank you,” Sehun whispered softly, squeezing Jongin’s hand gently.

 

Jongin boldly pulled Sehun into his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Sehun made no complaints. He laid his head against Jongin’s broad shoulder and rested his hand against Jongin’s chest.

 

Sehun wanted to cry. Not because he was sad, but because he was happy. He was comfortable. And it confused the hell out of him, but he didn’t want this happiness to stop. He wanted to be brave. He wanted to take chances. He wanted to _try_.

 

And when Jongin leaned in and kissed Sehun’s forehead so softly, the feeling of warm lips against his head going just as quickly as they had came… It was in _that_ moment that Sehun realized what he’d been feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this chapter written and posted on a different site since August. I had plans to finish this chapter, but my grandmother actually ended up passing away the day after I posted it and it's been really hard for me since then. She was my best friend... I know I sucked at updating before, but since she passed, I haven't had any motivation to do anything. You know, I honestly love Ao3. Everyone here is so much kinder than on AFF and Wattpad. No one here pressures me to try and update and I appreciate that about you guys. It's so refreshing. Thanks for reading and especially thanks for being so nice.


	15. Chapter Twelve

Sehun felt a little lighter on his feet. He smiled a little more and laughed a little louder as he walked hand in hand with Jongin, who was stuck between both Sehun and Nari on either side of him. Sehun felt content. Everything felt _right_.

For days – weeks – _months_ , he’d been so confused about his feelings for Jongin. He couldn’t understand the physical pull he felt on his heart when he was with the other man. All this time, he couldn’t understand why he could barely go ten feet outside of his bedroom door without having an anxiety attack, but when he was with Jongin he could fly across the country. But, now he knew.

Sehun hadn’t experienced anything like this before. It’s a funny thing, love is. Even though Sehun had never been in love or felt a love like this, when it hits you – _you just know_.

And now here they were, walking through an empty amusement park because Jongin had so graciously gotten the owner of the park to close it off to the public for just this one night. Just for them. Sehun couldn’t imagine how much money it could have cost, but Jongin didn’t seem to care.

Nari was bouncing up and down with excitement when they came to a ride that looked like a bunch of strawberries. Jongin flashed a smile at the attendant and the young man unlocked the gate, allowing the three of them to board one of the strawberries. As it turned out, the ride spun. It spun very fast. Sehun was thrust into Jongin’s side roughly, as Jongin was sitting closest to the door, and Nari was slammed into Sehun. None of them were able to move due to the gravitational pull of the spinning strawberry. Sehun held onto Jongin for dear life. Nari, on the other hand, threw her hands in the air and screamed in delight.

 

 

An hour and six spinning rides later, Sehun was ready to take a break. He urged Nari and Jongin to go on without him, but Jongin refused to leave Sehun behind. They took Nari to the children’s park, where she could ride as many rides as she wanted – _without_ adult supervision. And that was the highlight of her night.

“Dad, you can’t tell me what to do anymore, okay?” She spoke very seriously to Jongin. “I’m a grown-up now. I don’t need you to babysit me anymore.”

Jongin scoffed. “Sure. We’ll see how long that lasts when you don’t have anyone to cook your favorite breakfast before school anymore.”

“I’ll just call Kyungsoo oppa.” She winked with a mischievous little smile on her face before taking off on her next mission.

“Yah! Kim Nari, I’m still your father! Don’t disrespect me like that!” Jongin shouted at the wind with a hurt look on his face. “Who does she think she is? Aish...”

Sehun laughed. Poor Jongin couldn’t handle Nari’s pre-teenage attitude.

“Are you hungry Sehun? I could get you something from the snack bar?” Jongin worried.

“I’m perfectly fine, Jongin,” Sehun smiled sweetly. Jongin hummed in response, following Sehun to sit on a small bench beside them.

“It’s so nice out tonight. Not a cloud in the sky.”

“Mm. Look at all the lights,” Sehun said quietly. Jongin smiled as he watched the younger man staring up at the night sky, twinkling with the bright lights of the amusements. “It’s so beautiful…”

“Yes…” Jongin said softly. “You are.”

Sehun flushed. His ears were burning. Jongin was crossing the undrawn line.

“You’re…. _beautiful_ , Sehun,” Jongin said in a strained whisper.

“Jongin-“ Sehun’s voice cracked. “D-don’t…”

“I’m sorry… I-I-I… I like you, Sehun… I can’t help it. It’s everything about you. You’re so damned perfect and you don’t even realize it.” Jongin was standing now, pleading his case to the fragile man sitting in front of him. He’d been wanting to say this for a long time. “You think you’re broken… But, you’re not. You’re not broken… You’re the most beautiful thing in the world to me. And every minute that I’ve gotten to spend with you has been the best minute of my life. I want to spend more minutes with you. I want to spend hours and days with you. Weeks. Years.”

Jongin bent down on his knee to wipe the tears from Sehun’s cheeks that he hadn’t even realized had been falling.

“My daughter loves you, Sehun. You’re the only person she’s ever loved this much. You’re her best friend…” Jongin chuckled softly, his own eyes welling with tears.

“I’m… I’m in lo-“

“Stop.” Sehun said abruptly. “Please stop, Jongin.” Sehun was breathless. Speechless. “Don’t say what you’re about to say. Because then I have to admit that I’m in love with you, too. And I’m… _I’m not ready_.” Sehun put his face in the palms of his hands and began to cry.

The words he had been longing to say to Jongin are the words Jongin had just said to _him_. Sehun didn’t think it could be possible for someone like Jongin to feel the same way about him. He didn’t think it could be possible for someone else to love him at all.

Jongin sat back down beside Sehun and wrapped his arms around him. Sehun was shaking. Jongin could barely hold his own self together. Sehun grabbed the hem of Jongin’s shirt and buried his face in the older man’s chest. He’d never felt safer than with Jongin’s arms around him.

“J-Jongin…” Sehun whispered weakly as he pulled away. Jongin looked up, his cheeks puffy and red. “You have to promise not to fall in love with me.”

“Sehun. I-I can’t…”

“Please, Jongin. Please do this for me.”

Jongin had no choice but to nod weakly in defeat. His heart was broken.

“I can’t make you happy. I know you don’t want to think so, but I _am_ broken. It… it would be selfish of me to take away any chance you might have at a normal relationship.”

“Sehun…”

“I’m sorry…” Sehun leaned in and kissed Jongin’s cheek softly.

It was bittersweet and, to Jongin, it felt like goodbye.

“Okay, dudes! I feel like I’m gonna puke. I think I’m ready to call it a night.” Nari wobbled her way over to the two men, who quickly tried to compose themselves.

Sehun hastily wiped his tears and held his arms out to the green-faced little girl who literally looked as if she were about to pass out.

“Why… why are you crying?” Nari poked her lip out in concern as she crawled into Sehun’s lap.

Sehun glanced over at a dazed Jongin who couldn’t even look at him. Sehun had never felt more disgusting in his life. The years of torment Sehun had been put through felt nothing like the pain he felt when he saw the tears rolling down Jongin’s cheeks, knowing that he himself was the reason for those tears.

“W-we’re sad because we couldn’t get a picture with Benji the Bear. He went home early.”

“Awwww man, I didn’t get to meet Benji…”

“M-maybe next time?” Sehun smiled.

“Yeah! We _have_ to come back again. There’s one ride that I didn’t get to go on, but I’m afraid I’m gonna barf if I do….” Nari’s face looked sickly just thinking about the other ride.

“Alright, it’s a date,” Sehun chuckled.

He stood up, holding Nari in one arm, and grabbed Jongin’s wrist with his free hand. “Come on.” Jongin nodded weakly, still refusing to look at Sehun.

Sehun smiled in relief when he felt the tug of Jongin’s fingers on his as the man twined their fingers together. “Let’s go home…”


	16. Chapter Thirteen

Dinner was more than a little awkward. And Sehun felt like the meanest person in the world. Jongin had cooked for them in silence. Little Nari kept busy by hammering Sehun with a million and one questions about what they would do the next time they came back to the amusement park.

Jongin still refused to look at Sehun throughout their meal. Nari was beginning to pick up on the tension. So she thought of a game – _20 Questions_. She’d try to ask them _both_ questions that required them to speak to or about each other.

“Sehun, what’s Daddy’s favorite color?”

Sehun thought for a moment. “I… I don’t really know, honestly. Green?”

“Daddy?”

“It’s red,” he said quietly, not looking up from his plate. Sehun swore he saw Nari frown and furrow her brows in anger, but it was gone as soon as he blinked his eyes.

“Daddy, what is Sehun’s favorite movie?”

“I don’t know.”

Jongin was clearly very upset. He didn’t want to speak to Sehun. And Sehun couldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t want to speak to himself, either, after what he’d done.

Nari looked at Sehun expectantly.

“It’s… _Inside Out._ ” Sehun’s voice was weak.

Nari beamed. “That’s my favorite movie, too! It’s my favorite because I got to watch it with my two favorite people… my daddy and my Sehun.”

Sehun smiled softly, reaching a hand out to stroke Nari’s cute pink cheeks. “Me, too.”

“ _Me, three,_ ” Jongin said quietly, still fiddling with the fork in his hand. Nari and Sehun grinned at each other.

 

 

It was beginning to get late. Nari and Sehun would both be flying back to the mainland the next morning, so the three of them changed into their pajamas and got ready to sleep. Nari, of course, only wanted to sleep with Sehun, so they took the bedroom. Jongin took the couch again.

Nari was fast asleep by now, but Sehun was wide awake. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jongin. Sehun loved him. He loved him so much. He only wanted what was best for him.

He was trying to protect him, but Jongin didn’t see it that way. Jongin was _normal_. And he was handsome. He could have anyone he wanted. There were so many great men and women out there who could make him happy. People that he could truly start a great life with. The kind of people he wouldn’t have to worry about having panic attacks every day. That he could actually take out to nice restaurants and go on dates and travel with. The kind of people that he could kiss and hold. The kind of people that weren’t Sehun.

But… Jongin said – _was about to say_ – that he loved Sehun. And for a split second, Sehun felt so happy. He couldn’t describe how happy he felt. In that one, single, fraction of a second, his life was perfect. But he couldn’t let Jongin finish his sentence. He couldn’t let Jongin ruin his own life.

Sehun sighed. He looked over at Nari, snoring softly. She was so beautiful. She was so lucky to have Jongin as a father. Jongin loved that little girl more than anything in the world. And Sehun… he loved her, too. He loved her more than he’s ever loved anyone – even Jongin. The only person whose love could ever compare to how much Sehun loved Nari… was his own daughter. The little girl he had never known. She would be the same age as Nari, now.

Sehun got up from the bed, making sure to tuck the blankets back in around Nari. He pondered for a moment, biting his lip, as he paced across the bedroom. He paused in front of the door and let out a breath, softly grasping the doorknob in his hand. He opened the door quietly and stepped into the living room.

Jongin was lying on the couch, his eyes closed. Sehun tiptoed toward him and sat down on the edge next to Jongin. Sehun watched him, a small smile on his lips. He let his fingers ghost across Jongin’s soft cheeks, softly going upwards to push a strand of wayward hair away from his forehead. Sehun withdrew his hand and sighed, the smile leaving his lips.

“What are you doing, Sehun?” Jongin whispered softly, eyes still shut. He didn’t sound angry or upset – just sad and confused.

“I can’t stop thinking about you, Jongin. I don’t want to push you away.”

“Then, stop trying,” Jongin pleaded, sitting up on the couch. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know,” Sehun sniffed. “I know you’re not.” He sighed. “C-can you close your eyes again? For just a moment?”

Jongin didn’t even question him. As soon as his eyes were closed, Sehun threw his arms around him. Jongin let out a breath, a soft smile gracing his lips as he brought his arms around Sehun’s thin frame.

Sehun nuzzled his head into the crook of Jongin’s neck. “Being touched by others terrifies me. But, I like… when _you_ hold me. It makes me feel safe.”

The feeling of Sehun’s soft lips whispering against the skin of his neck gave Jongin goosebumps. “Then, I’m never letting you go.”

“You have to, Jongin,” Sehun said sadly.

“Sehun-“

“But tonight, just hold me.”

Sehun pulled away, grabbing Jongin’s hand. He led him to the bedroom. Before they entered, Sehun glanced at Jongin wearily.

They climbed under the covers, scooting close to each other. They were careful not to wake Nari, who was still sleeping soundly between them. Jongin draped his arm across his daughter and let his hand rest at the small of Sehun’s back.

“Is this okay?” Jongin whispered softly.

Sehun nodded. He bent down and kissed the top of Nari’s head, then looked back up at Jongin who was staring at him with a look of wonder.

“I know you don’t want me to say it… but I love you, Sehun.”

Sehun smiled softly, though there was a sadness to it. “Goodnight, Jongin.”

 

 

Sehun woke first. He’d had another dream. About Jongin. Only this time, he wasn’t scared. It wasn’t like before. This dream wasn’t sexual… it was blissful. Wonderful. Sehun had never felt more rested and refreshed. He finally felt the slightest bit normal for the first time in a very, very long time.

He didn’t know when this feeling would end, so he decided to make the most of it. He stood at the stove, flipping the pancakes. Adding another glob of batter when the first batch was finished. He fried the bacon, baked the biscuits, and boiled the eggs.

“Sehun.” The voice from behind startled him.

“Good morning, Jongin,” Sehun smiled.

Jongin let out a sigh of relief. “I woke up a-a-and you weren’t there and I thought you left.” He pulled the younger man into an embrace. “I think this is the first time _you’ve_ scared _me_.”

Sehun chuckled. “Wow. Never thought that would happen. And my flight isn’t until ten. You still have me for another couple hours.”

“About that… are you sure you want to go?” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

“It’s time, Jongin,” Sehun shrugged sadly.

“I was afraid of that…” Jongin sighed and sat down at the table. ”So… did you sleep okay?”

Sehun nodded, turning back to his cooking. “Last night… was the best night I’ve had in a long time.”

“And you’re _absolutely sure_ that you don’t want to stay here?”

Sehun laughed. “Thank you. For _everything_ , Jongin.” He turned off the stove and put his spatula down, turning to face Jongin. “You have no idea how much it means to me. You have no idea how much _you_ mean to me,” He said quietly.

“Once we get back to Seoul… you won’t hear from me anymore. Unless it’s strictly work-related. I still have obligations to my company.” Sehun looked away. “I think it’s for the best. A-a-and you might hate me for it. That’s okay. In time, you’ll see. It’s better if we keep our distance. You can’t fall in love with me. You promised me. Remember?”

Jongin nodded dismally. “I remember. And I do respect your decisions, Sehun. That doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it. But, I could never hate you. No matter what you do, I’m always to going to… you know, “L-word” you.”

Sehun smiled. “I know. And I wouldn’t expect anything less of you.” He cupped Jongin’s cheek in his hand. “Can you… can you close your eyes?” Jongin nodded.

Sehun took a breath and leaned forward. With his lips just mere centimeters away from Jongin’s, he decided to take a chance. He pressed his own lips against Jongin’s. Sehun’s lips were softer and lighter than a feather, but Jongin could feel every bit of his kiss, though he didn’t dare deepen it. Sehun pressed a little harder, the tip of his nose brushing against Jongin’s causing the younger man to smile into the kiss. He pulled away, but leaned back in a second later to seal Jongin’s lips with his own just one last time.

“I… I “L-word” you, too.”


	17. Chapter Fourteen

Kyungsoo was such a blessing. Sehun had been so terrified of flying back alone. Of course, he and Nari had flown back together, so he tried to be as calm and collected as he could be, for her sake. But, Kyungsoo was there waiting for them at the gate as soon as they landed in Seoul. Sehun wasn’t sure how much Jongin had told Kyungsoo about him, but the cute, kind man had been so accommodating in helping Sehun get back home.

Parting with Jongin was bittersweet. Sehun had let Jongin kiss him – just a simple, sweet peck on the lips – before they got out of the car at the airport, much to Nari’s amusement. That small kiss left Sehun with a big smile and tingling lips as they grabbed their bags from the trunk.

That kiss also left him with a headache. Nari wouldn’t stop talking about it during the entire flight.

“ _Are you gonna marry my daddy?”_

_“Do you love each other?”_

_“Is he gonna be your boyfriend now?”_

But the question that hurt Sehun’s heart was her last.

“ _Will you pretty please be my daddy, too, Sehun?”_

It didn’t matter that Jongin had arranged for them to have their own private first class cabin. Sehun was bound to start crying, regardless, whether from a panic attack or Nari breaking his heart. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he couldn’t see her father anymore. To be honest, Sehun didn’t even think he’d be able to keep his own word. He knew there was no way he could stay away from Jongin or this sweet little girl. And he knew they wouldn’t give up on him, either.

 

 

Mrs. Lee was downstairs at the dry cleaner when Kyungsoo and Nari dropped Sehun off. Sehun gave her a shy smile.

“Hello, how are you today?”

“Oh, I’m just fine, dear,” Mrs. Lee smiled. “We haven’t seen you in a few days. Thought you might have left us without saying goodbye.”

Sehun grinned nervously. “I-I went to Jeju. W-w-with my friend.”

Mrs. Lee looked shocked. “That handsome young man that comes in here with his adorable daughter?”

Sehun nodded bashfully, a soft smile playing on his lips as he looked to the ground.

“Oh, my! I know that look. My sweet boy is in love,” Mrs. Lee chuckled happily.

“I-I-I might be…” He said softly, smiling genuinely at the elder woman.

“Mrs. Lee? C-can I ask your advice about something?”

The grey-haired woman looked more than happy to answer. This was the most Sehun had ever even spoken during the five years that she’d known him. She nodded.

“If you have someone who can make all the bad things in your life disappear, someone who wants to give you the whole world… someone who wants to make your life better… w-what do you do?” Sehun bit his lip nervously.

Mrs. Lee smiled at him with a fondness in her eyes. “Well, honey, that doesn’t seem like such a hard decision to make.”

Sehun furrowed his brows. “What if… what if you knew that letting this person into your life would end up ruining theirs in return?”

“That’s the beauty of life, sweetheart – it’s a mystery. Some questions can’t be answered with a simple yes or no. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.”

Sehun was contemplating. Mrs. Lee took his hands in her own frail ones.

“Now, let me ask _you_ a question.” Sehun looked up.

“Does he make you happy?”

Sehun nodded his head. “I’ve never been more happy than when I’m with him.”

“And do you make him happy?”

Sehun thought for a moment. “He says I do… but…”

“And you love each other?”

He nodded. “Very much.”

“Now, tell me, Sehun…. what would hurt more – being unhappy without him or knowing that _he’s_ unhappy without you?”

Sehun’s eyes began to water. Mrs. Lee squeezed his hands. “There’s your answer, sweetheart.”

 

 

Mrs. Lee was a wise old woman. Sehun would rather have his heart ripped from his chest than see Jongin unhappy.

He sighed. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t just call Jongin. He had to give him space. If Jongin truly wanted to be with Sehun, then Sehun wanted to give him time – time to make _absolutely_ sure that being with him is what he wanted.

So, for the next week, Sehun didn’t return his calls, texts, or emails. He wanted to. Oh, how he wanted to… But he had to let Jongin breathe without him. It was funny, really. Before, Sehun was the one who didn’t think he could live without Jongin. But now, he was the one trying to let Jongin decide if he would be able to live without _him_.

Sehun didn’t want to be a burden on Jongin for the rest of his life. But, he also missed Jongin. Not speaking to him was eating away at his heart.

Sehun tried to keep busy and take his mind off of the man by taking on new manuscripts to edit. He went back into seclusion with no plans to leave his apartment anytime soon.

Later that afternoon, his phone began to ring.

_Jongin._

Sehun bit his lip. He couldn’t answer. He shouldn’t. But… he did.

“Sehun?”

“H-Hi.”

“Oh, thank God!” Jongin sounded frantic.

Sehun’s heart began to race. “Jongin, what’s wrong?”

“It’s Nari. The school called me and said she fell on the playground and needs to see a doctor. Kyungsoo is at an event and I can’t get in touch with him. I’m still stuck in Jeju and I can’t get a flight until later this evening. I-I-I didn’t know who else to call. I know you don’t want to talk to me and you’re scared of peop-“

“I’m leaving my apartment now. I’m going to get her. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you, Sehun. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you,” Jongin said breathlessly.

“I’ll call you after we leave the doctor. Just try to calm down, okay? I’ve got her,” Sehun said softly, slipping his shoes on and heading out the door. “Take care, Jongin.”

 

 

Sehun was a nervous wreck walking into the office of Nari’s school. It was only a few blocks from Sehun’s apartment, but there were _so many_ people out today. Nari needed him, though, so he had to fight through his anxiety to get to her.

She was sitting in the nurse’s station when he walked inside. She ran to him the moment that she saw him. Sehun pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.

“Ouchie,” She whimpered, knitting her brows.

“Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry, Nari,” Sehun apologized, releasing her. “Where are you hurt?”

“M-my arm… it really hurts,” She cried. Sehun examined her. She was right. It was all blue and purple. Poor girl.

Sehun kissed her forehead. “It’s gonna be alright, Nari. I’m gonna take you to the doctor, okay?” She nodded her head feebly.

“H-Hi,” Sehun smiled shyly, holding Nari’s hand as he walked up to the receptionist’s desk. “I’m here to take Nari to the doctor.”

“Oh, hello there! I don’t think we’ve seen you here before. You must be Mr. Kim’s husband!”

“Actually-“

“All the women in the office just adore him! He’s such a wonderful father. Handsome, too!” She grinned.

“I-I’m not-“

“I had no idea he was married! But, my word, I can definitely see where Nari gets that beautiful smile from. My goodness, she looks just like you… Look at those eyes.” The woman cooed. “Oh, what a sweet family…”

Sehun had no choice, but to smile awkwardly.

“You go right ahead, sweetie. Get that precious girl to the doctor as soon as possible. All of her schoolwork is in her book bag, so don’t you worry about that!”

Sehun bowed politely. “Th-thank you.”

He scooped Nari into his arms, careful not to touch her hurt arm, and carried her away from the school. Half way to the doctor’s office, she decided that she wanted to ride on Sehun’s back, and he was powerless to decline the adorable little girl.

“Sehun?” She asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Mmhm?” He mumbled nervously, trying to keep his mind off of all the people around them.

“Do you think we look alike?”

“I-I don’t know, sweetie. What do you think?”

“I think our nose is the same,” She giggled, poking the tip of his nose. “We can be twins! Wouldn’t that be awesome?!”

Sehun chuckled. “That would be pretty cool. I’m a little taller than you, though, so that might be a problem, don’t you think?”

“It’s not a problem when you hold me like this, because then I’m as tall as you,” She grinned.

“If you say so,” Sehun laughed softly.

 

 

“Oh, my, is that Sehun?” Dr. Jang pushed his glasses back up on the bridge of his nose.

“It is…” Sehun smiled softly. “Good to see you again, Dr. Jang.”

The man had definitely earned a few more grey hairs since the last time Sehun saw him, but he still had that same fatherly demeanor about him.

“You know, I was just wondering about you the other day. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen you. How are you doing, son?”

Sehun smiled genuinely. “I’m… I’m doing better, actually.”

Dr. Jang beamed. “Oh, I’m so happy to hear that, Sehun.” He turned his attention to Nari. “And who is this little one we have here today?”

“This is Nari,” Sehun kissed the top of her head as she hid her face in his chest. “She’s usually not so shy…”

Dr. Jang looked at Sehun inquisitively. “Is she...”

Sehun could see where that question was going. “No, no, no! She’s my… my friend’s daughter.”

“Ahhh, I see… and what brings Miss Nari in here today?”

“She fell at school and her arm is pretty banged up.” Sehun tilted his head down to look at the little girl in his arms. “Do you want to show Dr. Jang you arm?”

Nari shook her head. “I’m scared,” She whispered.

“He doesn’t bite, I promise.” Nari still wouldn’t budge.

“Nari, do you remember how I get scared sometimes, too?” She nodded. “Well, I always feel safe when you’re with me and I stop being scared. Because you’re Nari the Protector, remember? And we fight monsters together,” Sehun said softly.

“Dr. Jang is kind of like that, too. Except he fights a different kind of monster – the kind of monsters that make you sick… like when you had the throw-ups? That kind of monster. And now there’s a _tiny_ , invisible monster playing jump rope on your arm and making it hurt. Dr. Jang just wants to get rid of the monster, so your arm can feel better.”

Nari sniffled. “Are you sure he’s not gonna bite me?”

Dr. Jang chuckled at that. “I’ll tell you what, Miss Nari. How about I give you a lollipop? Usually, kids have to wait until _after_ , but since your friends with Sehun, I’ll let you have it right now.”

Nari’s head perked up. “R-really?”

The older man nodded his head. “Really.”

Sehun grinned, rolling his eyes. “Why did I have to go through such a long pep talk and you folded over a lollipop….” He said, mostly to himself.

 

 

Half an hour later, after blood work, x-rays, and two more lollipops, Dr. Jang came back into the room. He had a look on his face that Sehun had seen before. When the man had informed him of his pregnancy. Sehun’s face paled. He waited for Dr. Jang to give them bad news, but it never came. The man remained calm, but not any less nervous.

“S-s-so, what Nari has is a fractured wrist. I’m gonna put a splint on it for the time being. Just… make sure she doesn’t take it off, unless it’s to bathe.”

Sehun nodded his head. It looked as if Dr. Jang wanted to say more… but he didn’t.

 

 

Sehun had the same uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, even as they arrived at Jongin’s apartment. He just couldn’t shake it. Something was off. Was there something about Nari’s x-rays that didn’t come back right? Would her wrist not heal? Did he find cancer in her blood work? Surely, Dr. Jang would have said something if he had.

Sehun shook his head clear. He tried to take his mind off it. He called Jongin, letting him know that they made it home. He made dinner for Nari and put on a movie. Their _favorite_ movie.

Not an hour in and Nari was passed out on the couch. Sehun lifted her carefully in his arms and carried her to her bedroom. He tucked her in and kissed her cheek tenderly, then went back to the living room.

Sehun remembered Nari’s schoolwork, so he grabbed her book bag to make sure she didn’t have any homework due the next day. He pulled out a stack of graded papers and began to flip through them. So many A’s and A+’s on them. Sehun smiled proudly. Nari was a smart girl.

The last page he came to was actually a drawing. It was two men and a little girl. One man was wearing black, one wearing white, and the little girl had a dress on. The men were holding hands and the little girl stood in the middle in front of them. All had smiles on their faces. It looked… it looked like a wedding scene.

Sehun flipped it over to find his, Jongin’s, and Nari’s names scrawled on the back in Nari’s handwriting. Sehun’s eyes watered. It was _their_ wedding. Nari had drawn her father and Sehun getting married.

Sehun wiped his eyes and carefully put Nari’s things back in her bag and turned off the lights in the apartment. He was sure that Jongin wouldn’t mind if he borrowed a pair of pants and a t-shirt to sleep in again. He found Jongin’s room and opened the closet, grabbing the first pair of pants and shirt that he came across. He quickly changed out of his clothes and climbed into Jongin’s bed.

 

 

It was…. _really_ comfortable. Sehun had no trouble falling asleep. He didn’t know how long he’d been out when he felt a hand grasp his hip from behind. His breath hitched and his heart began to race. Not again. Not another nightmare. _Please not tonight_.

“ _Can I hold you again?”_ Sehun heard a soft voice whisper in the dark. He opened his eyes, though he couldn’t see anything. It was Jongin. It was just Jongin, he had to remind himself. It wasn’t a nightmare. It wasn’t a stranger.

“Y-yes…” Sehun breathed out slowly. The hand on his hip relaxed.

“Can I… can I kiss you again?” Jongin asked timidly.

Sehun turned over to face Jongin. He brought his hand up to Jongin’s face, softly tracing its features with his fingertip. “ _Just… be gentle with me, okay?”_ Sehun whispered softly. He felt Jongin smile beneath his touch.

Half a heartbeat later, he felt the nervous press of Jongin’s soft lips against his own. Sehun lifted his head to press his lips a little deeper into Jongin’s – to let him know that it was okay. He cupped Jongin’s cheek in his hand as Jongin wrapped his arm around Sehun, carefully pulling them closer together. Sehun parted his lips, moving them slowly against Jongin’s. Timid. Learning. Jongin was never the first to initiate anything deeper. He let Sehun deepen the kiss on his own, when he was ready.

Sehun surprised even himself. He was terrified, but he craved more. He darted the tip of his tongue across Jongin’s upper lip. Jongin let Sehun explore his lips, only opening his mouth ever so slightly. He gently brushed his own tongue against Sehun’s. Sehun gasped at the feeling. This was all new to him. And… he liked it.

In that moment, Sehun realized that he was starting over. This was his second chance. He kissed Jongin softly, once more on the lips and then once on his cheek, before pulling away slowly.

Jongin sighed in contentment. “I missed you, Sehun.”

“I missed you, too. So much.”

“Thank you for taking care of Nari today. You have no idea how much I appreciate it. I know it wasn’t an easy thing for you to do.”

“It… it wasn’t so bad. I’m – I’m getting better. I’m trying to, anyways,” Sehun said softly.

“I’m so proud of you. I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you, Sehun.”

Jongin rolled onto his back. It was quiet. Sehun rested his head against Jongin’s chest, the slow rising and falling as the older man in- and exhaled lulled Sehun.

“Goodnight… I “L-word” you, Sehun.”

Sehun grinned, closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, Jongin… I love you.”


	18. Chapter Fifteen

Sehun woke to Jongin’s arms still wrapped around him. He didn’t panic. He was… he was at peace. He was happy. He smiled and snuggled closer to Jongin.

“Mmm…” Jongin groaned, yawning as he opened his eyes. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

Sehun beamed. “Good morning to you, too.”

“Are you… okay?” Jongin asked hesitantly, softly rubbing Sehun’s back.

Sehun chuckled. “No panic attacks, I promise.”

“Good,” Jongin smiled. “I… I still worry about you, you know. Whether you’re really okay with… with being here… like _this_ with me,” He said more seriously.

“I told you, Jongin. When I’m with you… I feel safe. It’s – It’s different.” Sehun smiled softly, pecking Jongin on the lips.

Jongin’s eyes brightened and he glanced at Sehun. “You’ve… you’ve never really told me why you’re so scared of people. Do you ever want to talk about it? Because you know I’m here for you, Sehun. I’m never going to let anything happen to you.”

Sehun looked away, smile faltering. “I can’t do this right now, Jongin. _I can’t_. I would never look the same to you. And I’m not ready to lose you yet. I-I just got you…”

“Hey, hey… Sehun, it’s okay,” Jongin said calmly. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay. I just want you to know that when you are, I’ll be here. I don’t care what happened, Sehun. You’ll always be perfect to me. You don’t have to tell me.” Jongin kissed his forehead. “You should know by now that you’ll never be able to get rid of me. You’d have to kill me first,” He smiled. “And even then, I’d still come back and haunt you.”

Sehun grinned. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Jongin’s, kissing him long and slow. Jongin sighed happily after Sehun pulled away. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that.”

The sound of Jongin’s growling stomach ruined the moment. Sehun laughed. “Come on. I’ll cook breakfast.” Jongin couldn’t say no to that.

 

 

“I think I’m gonna have to go to the grocery store,” Jongin said sheepishly as Sehun whipped up some eggs and pancakes with what was left of the ingredients. Jongin had been gone for over two weeks, so he was running short on supplies.

Sehun hummed. “D-do you mind if I come?”

“Of course you can come. You don’t have to ask,” Jongin said happily.

“Daddy, can we get lollipops when we go to the store?” Nari pouted. “They make my arm feel better.”

Jongin chuckled. “Of course we can, baby.”

Nari squealed happily.

 

 

Sehun walked hand in hand with Jongin down the crowded street. Sehun was on edge the whole time, but Jongin kept him grounded. Aside from the nervousness, Sehun felt like a teenage girl walking with her crush. He was giddy.

They passed by the pharmacy and Sehun suddenly remembered his medication. It had been weeks since he’d picked up his last prescription. But, to be honest, Sehun wasn’t entirely sure he needed it anymore. He hadn’t realized that he’d actually been _sleeping_ lately – not staying up all night, terrified to fall asleep because of his nightmares. He made a mental note to call the pharmacy later.

Nari skipped ahead of them into the grocery store. Sehun took a breath. It was hard to believe that this was the place where it all started – where he’d first met the two people that would come to be the loves of his life. He was so thankful to Nari for running into him on that fateful day a few months ago.

The young girl had already found the lollipops and grabbed a whole pack before Sehun and Jongin even had a chance to grab a shopping cart. Sehun grinned. He’d give anything to be as carefree as Nari.

Jongin pushed the cart while Sehun stayed wrapped around his arm. Jongin was truly happy. He felt like they were a real family. He didn’t know exactly how Sehun felt, but if he had to guess, he’d say that he was pretty happy – definitely still anxious, but happy nonetheless.

They picked out their groceries together. Nari would throw in random things that they really didn’t need and Jongin would take them back out. It would only serve to upset the cute child and she’d argue her case about why she _needed_ such an item. Sehun grinned at them as they bickered back and forth. Jongin would always give in, knowing from the start that he’d never be able to say no to his daughter.

“Hey, Sehun…” Jongin prompted as they began to make their way to the checkout.

“Hm?”

“I was thinking, um, if you want…. I mean… Do you want to stay with us again tonight?” Jongin was actually _nervous_. It was adorable. Sehun smiled fondly at him.

“I would love to.”

Jongin breathed a sigh of relief. “Great.” He grinned cutely.

“I… I just need to stop by my apartment and get a change of clothes.”

Jongin nodded in understating. “We’ll come with you.”

Sehun squeezed Jongin’s arm appreciatively. “Thank you,” He whispered.

 

 

“If you want… you can bring some extra stuff and just leave it at my place,” Jongin said softly. “I mean, you know… in case you want to stay with us more often.”

Sehun grinned as he rifled through his drawers. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” He teased.

“I really would.” Sehun looked over at Jongin and chuckled, but the man looked more than serious.

“Oh. Um… I mean… yeah,” Sehun stammered, taken aback. “I’ll just pack a small bag, then.”

Jongin’s smile could have lit up Sehun’s room if the lights had been off. The older man slowly wrapped his arms around Sehun’s waist. Sehun froze, but quickly melted in Jongin’s embrace.

“You know, you can stay here, too, if you want,” Sehun smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck.

“How about we take turns?” Jongin grinned, leaning down to peck Sehun on the lips.

“ _OMG_. Get a room!” Nari shouted from the doorway, with a look of amusement.

Sehun’s cheeks turned bright red. “I-i-if you haven’t already noticed, we’re already in a room,” Sehun said quickly, but quietly, pulling away from Jongin.

Jongin burst out laughing. “Ha. Ha. _HA_!” He mocked, pointing at Nari. “You just got a taste of your own medicine, little miss Queen of Sarcastic Remarks!”

Nari stuck her tongue out at her father. “Why don’t you act your age and not your shoe size, Dad?”

Sehun laughed at the pair of them. He loved the way Jongin and Nari teased each other relentlessly. “Okay, kids, settle down…” He joked. “I think I’ve got my stuff together.”

Jongin smiled, grabbing Sehun’s hand. “Let’s go.”

 

 

Jongin cooked them dinner this time. He made kare kare and they ate every bit of it. Not a drop was left. He also made lumpia because that was one of Nari’s favorites.

“You keep surprising me,” Sehun smiled. “I didn’t know you knew Filipino recipes.”

Jongin grinned. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

Sehun looked away. He knew Jongin didn’t mean anything by it, but he was absolutely right. They really didn’t know all that much about each other. Jongin noticed the look on Sehun’s face and changed the subject.

“Nari, make sure you brush your teeth before bed, okay? And _do not_ take the brace off of your arm.”

“What am I, five? I _know_ , Dad.”

Jongin scowled at her. “I have no idea where you get this sassiness from. I swear sometimes, you’re seven going on seventeen.” Nari only rolled her eyes.

“I have school tomorrow, so if you’ll excuse me…” She said, getting up from the table. “I’m going to bed.”

Sehun chuckled. “You made her mad.”

“I – I did not.” Jongin feigned innocence.

“You _did_. She doesn’t want to be treated like a baby.” He shrugged.

“B-b-but… she is a baby. She’s _my_ baby.” Jongin whined.

Sehun laughed, rolling his eyes. “And babies grow up.”

Jongin frowned. “I guess.”

Sehun stood up from the table, grabbing everyone’s plates and taking them to the kitchen. Jongin walked up behind him, placing a hand on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun flinched. He hadn’t meant to; it was a force of habit. He turned around, looking at Jongin apologetically.

“S-sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Jongin smiled softly. “Can we talk?”

Sehun nodded and followed Jongin to sit on the sofa.

“W-what’s the matter?” Sehun asked nervously.

“It’s nothing, really,” Jongin smiled, trying to reassure Sehun. “I just, um… I know it’s only been a few months and we’re still getting to know each other. I just… I don’t want you to feel like I’m forcing you into this too fast. Sometimes I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have said the “L word” just yet.”

“Jongin, are you unhappy?” Sehun worried.

“What? No! Jesus, no, Sehun. I’m just worried that you’re having second thoughts about us.”

“I’m… I’m not,” Sehun sighed. “I just… you were right. I don’t know that much about you. I don’t know your favorite song. I didn’t even know your favorite color until last week.” Sehun smiled sadly. “I just want to get to know you better.”

Jongin took Sehun’s hands in his own. “Then… let’s go on a date tomorrow. Just the two of us.”

Sehun smiled. “I’d like that.”


	19. Chapter Sixteen

Sehun kissed the top of Nari’s head as he and Jongin dropped her off at school. The woman from the office was ushering the children inside the gates. When she saw Sehun with Jongin her face lit up. Though she meant well, Sehun didn’t really feel like getting into a one-sided conversation with her again. He pulled Jongin’s arm and quickly began to pull him away from the school.

“Whoa, Sehun, slow down,” Jongin chuckled.

Sehun glanced at him apologetically. “Sorry,” He grinned.

Jongin smiled, tucking Sehun into his side as he wrapped an arm around his petite frame.

“So, um, what did you want to do today?”

“Well,” Jongin began, “I was thinking… since it’s still pretty warm out, maybe we could go canoeing.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Oh.” He’d never been canoeing before and the thought intrigued him. “That… that sounds fun.”

“I thought… I mean… you really liked the beach in Jeju and I thought you might like this, too.”

Sehun nodded. “I can’t wait.”

 

 

Jongin rented them a charming little canoe. He thanked the attendant and began to pull the small boat toward the edge of the water. Sehun had a little trouble keeping his balance as he tried to step into the boat, but Jongin was there to keep him steady.

One push from Jongin and they were floating. Sehun took a deep, calming breath and opened his eyes. He’d never realized how beautiful Han River was. Even more so than in any photographs he’d ever seen.

“What are you thinking about?” Jongin quirked an eyebrow at him inquisitively.

“How lucky I am.” Sehun smiled in Jongin’s direction.

“ _Damn_ ,” Jongin groaned. “I could never get tired of seeing that beautiful smile.”

“And I could never get tired of you flattering me all the time,” Sehun laughed.

“Honestly,” The older man began, “I think I’m the lucky one.”

“How so?” Sehun raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Because for the past two days, I’ve gotten to wake up next to you. Every time I wake up, I keep thinking to myself that I must be dreaming because there’s _no way_ that someone like you would love someone like me. And then I pinch my arm a few times and I finally realize that it’s real. You’re not a dream.”

“Jongin…”

“I know, I know,” He sighed. “I’m being sappy.”

Sehun grabbed the neck of Jongin’s shirt and pulled him closer.

“ _I love you,”_ Sehun whispered against Jongin’s lips before kissing him softly. He tousled the hair at the nape of Jongin’s neck and smiled against those soft lips. Sehun pulled away with a longing sigh.

“So,” Jongin cleared his throat. “Um… what made you decide to get into editing?”

Sehun smiled at Jongin’s nervousness. “I used to love writing. I… wanted to be a novelist, but… things happened and I settled for the next best thing.”

Jongin nodded, making notes in his head. “Was that your dream?”

Sehun nodded sadly. “Yes. It _was_.”

“I don’t think you should give up on your dream, Sehun. It’s never too late.”

Sehun sighed. “For me, it is.”

Jongin frowned, but he knew better that to argue with Sehun. He knew there were things that Sehun was uncomfortable with and he didn’t want to push him.

“So, how about you? When did you decide that you wanted to get into marketing?”

Jongin chuckled. “I didn’t really decide. My friend Chanyeol, Kyungsoo’s husband, opened up his own firm right out of college and needed help. I volunteered. But… as it turns out, I’m _really_ good at it. So, I never left. It pays well, so I can’t complain.”

“Did you have a dream?”

“I… I did, actually. I wanted to be a dancer.”

Sehun grinned. “You wanted to be a dancer?” Jongin nodded with a smile. “Oh my gosh, does Nari know? She would give you so much flak if she knew you wanted to be a dancer.” Sehun laughed.

“Okay, okay… shit on my dreams, why don’t you?” Jongin laughed.

Sehun grinned and placed a hand on Jongin’s cheek affectionately. “No, no, I’m sorry. I just never imagined you as the dancing type.”

Jongin glared determinedly. “You know, Oh Sehun, I could show you a thing or two about dancing, if you’d like.”

Sehun’s mouth opened and closed. “Well, Kim Jongin, I’d like to see you try.”

“Okay, stand up.”

Sehun looked around. “Wha – Here?”

Jongin nodded. “I’m serious. I’m gonna show you.” He smiled when Sehun still refused to stand up. “It’ll be fine, Sehun. Come on.” He held out a hand and Sehun hesitantly took hold of it.

Jongin pulled Sehun up in the canoe. Sehun was wavering on his feet, but Jongin pulled him close. He put an arm around Sehun’s waist and guided Sehun’s hand to his shoulder.

“And…. Now we just sway.” Jongin smiled as he guided Sehun back and forth, careful not to trip over the seats.

Sehun smiled bashfully. They must have looked like two crazy people here dancing in a canoe. They were having fun, though, and that’s all that mattered. Jongin twirled Sehun around, much to Sehun’s amusement. Then, Sehun tried to do the same to him…. Only it didn’t really go as planned.

Jongin ended up getting his foot caught underneath the edge of the seat and was leaning dangerously close to the edge of the small boat. He was flailing his hands and Sehun tried his best to catch his arm, but it was too late. Jongin flew over the side with a loud splash.

“Jongin!” Sehun screamed.

A few seconds later, Jongin broke the surface of the water, gasping for air.

“Oh my God, are you okay!?”

“I’m fine!” He put two thumbs in the air to reassure Sehun. “Hey, um… can you give me a hand?” He smiled sweetly.

Sehun reached his hands out, hurrying to try and pull Jongin up. Jongin had other plans. As soon as he caught Sehun’s hand, he pulled the other male into the water with him.

Sehun yelled as he fell into the water. Jongin had his arms around Sehun before his head could even go under.

“What the hell, Jongin!” Sehun screamed. It was the first time Jongin had ever heard Sehun use such language and to be frank, he found it hilarious. Jongin burst out laughing. “Is this funny to you!?” Sehun’s cheeks were bright red and his brows were furrowed in anger.

“Actually… it kind of is. I’ve never seen you like this before.” Jongin rubbed Sehun’s cheek with his wet thumb. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re gonna be _real cute_ when I kick your a-“

Jongin shut him up with a kiss. Sehun couldn’t resist him. He melted into Jongin’s lips, wrapping his arms around the older man and gripping his damp hair as he parted his own lips. Jongin pressed in closer, darting his tongue out to taste Sehun’s bottom lip. Sehun’s tongue found Jongin’s and they grazed each other shyly, doing a dance of their own. Jongin wanted so badly to keep going, but it was getting harder to keep them both afloat.

“We should probably try to get back in the boat now,” Jongin sighed, pressing his forehead against Sehun’s.

“Well,” Sehun cleared his throat. “If you had just let me _help you_ , then we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.”

Jongin chuckled. “Okay, okay. Fair enough.”

With a lot of effort, they finally managed to pull themselves back into the canoe. Jongin promised to be good this time, but Sehun was finding it hard to actually believe that.

“Do you… do you wanna go back, now?”

“No,” Sehun sighed. “I like being out here with you… You know, despite you trying to drown me.” Jongin held his hands up in defense. “ _Kidding…_ ” Sehun laughed.

“What were you parents like?” Jongin wondered aloud.

Sehun hummed. “I… didn’t have any. I grew up in a foster home with about twelve other kids.”

Jongin frowned. “I’m sorry, Sehun… I didn’t really know my parents either. I mean, I had them, but I wouldn’t really call them parents. I was out on my own by the time I was fifteen.”

“I don’t understand how people can have kids and not even care about them. Not even care if they’re taken care of or not.” Sehun’s face darkened. “That’s why I…” He cut himself short. He wasn’t ready for that conversation yet.

“That’s why what?” Jongin asked softly, caressing the back of Sehun’s hand with his thumb.

“Never mind…” Sehun mumbled.

They were both quiet. Sehun looked up at Jongin with an affectionate gleam in his eyes. “You’re such a good father, Jongin. I’m so glad Nari found her way to you. I can’t imagine her growing up the way we did. She’s too good for this world.”

Jongin smiled. “I raised her to be tough. She’ll never have to go through what we went through. I’ll make damn sure of it. She’s never going to have to worry about whether I love her or not. I show her everyday, even on the days when she’s mad at me for treating her like a baby. I’m always going to be there for her. And even at times when I can’t be there… she knows taekwondo,” Jongin chuckled.

Sehun smiled warmly. “She’s gonna have to teach _me_ to protect myself.”

“Or… you could let me protect you?” Jongin grinned, flashing his teeth in hope.

“That doesn’t sound too bad, either,” Sehun said softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard to write this chapter. I keep trying to do things to keep my mind off of thinking of Jonghyun, but as I was writing this, I kept finding myself trying to write "Jonghyun" instead of "Jongin"... He's all I've been able to think about. And I worry about the other boys. And his sister, my dear goodness, I feel so much for her. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a little brother. I have two and I cry even thinking about what would happen if I lost them. This world will never be the same without Jonghyun. I always thought he was the happiest member in SHINee, but I guess I was very wrong about that... he was the least happy. I wish I'd paid more attention to his posts, but I never suspected anything was wrong. No one did. I guess nothing could have changed this outcome. Looking back, I can find a lot of cries for help that I never noticed before. I wish we could go back in time. There are so many evil people in this world and Jonghyun was a rare blessing. Jonghyun was too good for this world. We didn't deserve him, but I'm so glad we got to have him, even for this short 27 years. I will forever be a Shawol. And no matter what happens, he will always be part of SHINee. <3 Bling Bling will always be Jonghyun.


	20. Chapter Seventeen

Days passed by that turned into weeks and before anyone knew it, it was November. The trio spent Chuseok together at Sehun’s small apartment. He’d insisted, since Jongin was always the one who seemed to host their dinners and sleepovers. Nari loved it. She got to spend the whole week at Sehun’s “cute, little house!” as she’d always called it.

It was getting closer and closer to Christmas and Sehun was worried about finding his two favorite people the perfect gift. He’d tried actually going shopping at a real store, but that proved to be a fail when he began to black out before he’d even stepped inside.

He’d had to take a step back and breathe. Jongin had been trying to help him overcome his anxiety and Sehun wished so badly that the man was here with him now.

 

 

“ _Don’t think about the people, Sehun. Close your eyes. Just listen to yourself breathe. Concentrate on that sound. Don’t listen to the noise around you. Then, when you’re ready, open your eyes.”_

_“I’m scared, Jongin.”_

_“I know. It’s okay to be scared. But, I’m right here with you. Just think about what you want. Don’t pay attention to anything else. Put your hand over you chest. Do you feel that? That’s your heart, Sehun. Listen to what it wants.”_

_“Drown out all these people and just concentrate on you. These people – they don’t matter. They don’t even exist. It’s just you and me. Just breathe.”_

Sehun thought about what Jongin had taught him. He slowed down. Took a breath. Listened to his heart.

And after several minutes, Sehun did it. He walked into that store with a sense of purpose. And he was okay. _He was okay._ Sehun felt like he’d climbed a mountain. He was proud of himself. And this time, he’d actually done it on his own.

He’d gone into the store with more confidence than he’d ever imagined he could feel, but what he came back out with was a heavy heart. He found nothing.

What was he supposed to get them? They already seemed to have everything that they could ever want. What more could he give them?

Sehun walked back home, hands in his pockets as the cold wind nipped at his nose. He thought and he thought and he thought.

What was something that every child wanted? Something that every family needed?

Then, it hit him. Sehun smiled to himself. He wasn’t quite sure that Jongin would be okay with it, so he decided not to even ask. You absolutely _cannot_ refuse a gift, after all. It was the perfect plan.

 

 

Jongin and Sehun had been spending nearly every waking minute together. Sehun stayed at Jongin’s apartment most nights. He had to admit, he was getting pretty comfortable there.

He stopped flinching when Jongin snuck up behind him. It had become natural for them. Jongin was such a flirt. He made Sehun laugh all the time with his cheesiness.

Sehun was finally starting to feel normal. Instead of worrying whether he would panic waking up with Jongin’s arms wrapped tightly around him, he relished in that feeling of warmth. He loved it even more when Nari would sneak in during the night and curl up between them, her cold, little toes pressing softly against Sehun’s warm legs under the blankets.

Sehun had found his family.

It didn’t come as a surprise when Jongin had called Sehun earlier and told him he had something special planned for them later in the evening. Jongin was always doing something special for Sehun. The latter would just smile and agree.

He got back to Jongin’s apartment just before the sun went down. Sehun still refused to be caught outside after dark. He used the spare key Jongin had given him weeks ago.

“Hello? Anyone home?” Sehun yelled as he cracked the door open.

“I’m in the kitchen!” Jongin shouted.

“Where’s the princess?” Sehun asked curiously, meeting Jongin by the stove with a hug.

Jongin pressed a kiss to the top of Sehun’s head. “That’s part of my surprise. My friend Yixing is going to keep her tonight. He’s one of Nari’s godparents,” Jongin smiled. “She’s going to help him wrap his Christmas gifts. I wanted to do something special for just the two of us.”

“Now, if you’ll follow me,” He began, grabbing a large basket from the counter top, “I’ll show you the rest of your surprise.”

 

 

Jongin led Sehun out of the apartment and to the staircase. Sehun was a little nervous, but he trusted Jongin. They took the staircase up to the next floor. Sehun didn’t even realize there _was_ a next floor. But, when Jongin opened the door, he realized that it led to the rooftop.

Sehun was in shock. It was so _beautiful._ Jongin had decorated the entire rooftop with strings of lights and candles. He had a warm fire going in the small fire pit and there was a very cozy-looking sofa sitting just behind it. Sehun stepped forward, looking out over the edge of the roof at the twinkling lights beneath them.

“This must have taken so long to set up…” Sehun gasped in wonder. “I thought you were working today.”

Jongin chuckled sheepishly. “I might have lied about that…”

“I can’t believe you did this, Jongin,” Sehun said softly, turning around and placing his arms around the man’s neck. “This is incredible.”

“You’re incredible,” Jongin grinned. “Come on, let’s sit down.” He pulled Sehun toward the sofa and sat the basket down on the ground. He pulled out a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“I… I hope you like Sauvignon Blanc,” Jongin asked timidly, pouring the beverage into their glasses.

Sehun nodded. Truthfully, he had only had wine two times in his life, but he didn’t want to offend Jongin. He’d drink whatever the man gave him.

Jongin then pulled a blanket out of the basket and draped it across Sehun’s shoulders. He then wrapped his around Sehun and pulled the man into his side. Sehun smiled, taking a sip of his wine. He nuzzled his head against Jongin’s shoulder.

“This is so perfect…” He whispered. “I love you, Jongin.”

“I love you more.”

“I love you _most_.”

Jongin grinned. “You know… It just occurred to me that I never actually got around to asking.”

“Asking what?” Sehun raised an eyebrow.

“If you’d do me the honor of being my boyfriend.”

Sehun laughed softly. “I thought I was already your boyfriend.”

Jongin shrugged, a small smile tugging at his lips. “I know… I just wanted to make it official.”

“Well, what if I say no?”

Jongin put a hand over his chest, pulling away from Sehun in shock. “You don’t want me?”

Sehun hit his arm playfully. “Pabo. Of course I want you. Are you crazy?”

“Crazy for you,” Jongin smiled, leaning into kiss Sehun’s sweet lips.

Sehun could tell where this was about to go. He set his glass of wine on the edge of the fire pit.

Jongin wrapped his arm around Sehun’s waist, laying him back against the sofa gently, never disconnecting their lips. Sehun let Jongin slide his tongue against his lips, opening his mouth slightly. Sehun gripped the hair at the base of Jongin’s neck, pushing lips a little more forcefully against _his boyfriend’s_.

Jongin was careful not to go too far with Sehun, but he couldn’t help himself as his hand wandered down Sehun’s flat stomach. Jongin placed his hand beneath the hem of Sehun’s sweater, gently caressing the bare flesh with his thumb. Sehun gasped at the feeling, closing his eyes and arching upwards ever so slightly.

Sehun captured Jongin’s bottom lip between his teeth, tugging on it softly until it slid out. Sehun had never done anything like that before, but judging from the groan coming from Jongin’s throat, Sehun was pretty sure that he liked it.

Jongin kissed him with more passion, devouring Sehun’s lips like they wouldn’t see tomorrow. Sehun was whimpering beneath Jongin as the man let his hands roam across Sehun’s stomach and hips.

Sehun let out a breath of euphoria. Jongin was magical. He was more than a little disappointed when Jongin pulled away.

“W-w-why… why did you stop?” Sehun asked nervously, sitting up, his lips red and puffy from their makeout session.

“If we keep going, I’m going to end up doing something that we’ll both regret and I’m not about to lose you over something so stupid.” Jongin looked away, running a hand through his tousled brown locks.

Sehun was quiet. His eyes widened when he realized what Jongin meant. “Oh.”

Jongin smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, Sehun.” He pulled the younger man against his chest. “I love you so much.”

Sehun kissed Jongin’s neck tenderly. “I love you, too.”

Sehun jumped as something wet touched his nose.

“What’s the matter?” Jongin asked curiously.

Sehun flinched again. _Another one_.

“Oh my God…” A smile began to spread across Sehun’s face. “I think it’s the first snowfall!”

Jongin looked up at the sky. A fuzzy, frozen droplet of water landed right on his cheek. He smiled, wiping it away. Sure enough, another and another came down. Before they knew it, they could see nothing, but white flakes falling from the sky.

Jongin watched as the snowflakes extinguished their source of heat. “So much for our fire…” He laughed.

“It’s so cold!” Sehun giggled happily, rubbing his palms together.

Jongin kissed his red nose. “Come on, let’s go inside.”


	21. Chapter Eighteen

“You know, I actually wanted to give you something…” Jongin left Sehun sitting on the couch as he disappeared for a moment. He came back with a box decorated in fancy red ribbons. He handed the box to Sehun.

Sehun smiled softly. “What is it…?”

Jongin chuckled. “Just open it!”

Sehun grinned, pulling the ribbon from the box. “Christmas isn’t for another two weeks…” Jongin rolled his eyes at Sehun as the younger man took the top off of the box and pulled out the tissue paper. He pulled out the cutest ugly Christmas sweater he’d ever seen.

“Jongin…” Sehun laughed. “What is this for?”

“There’s one for both of us. It’s our first couple outfit.”

Sehun beamed. “Let’s put them on.”

“It looks good on you, even though it’s supposed to be ugly,” Jongin laughed sheepishly.

Sehun smiled. “Weirdo.”

“Hey, let’s take a picture.”

Sehun frowned. “I-I-I’m not good in pictures. I look terrible.”

Jongin shook his head. “Stop. You’re _beautiful_ , Sehun.”

“Jongin…”

“Please, Sehun? It’s the first snowfall, we have our first couple sweaters, and… I was hoping we could have our first picture together.”

Sehun pursed his lips. Jongin was such a romantic. But, Sehun certainly couldn’t fault him for it. He loved that about his boyfriend.

So, Sehun let Jongin do as he pleased. They sat back on the couch and Jongin began snapping pictures with his Polaroid camera. Sehun was reluctant at first, but Jongin would find ways to make him laugh and then he’d snap a picture at just the right moment. They’d barely wait for the little piece of film to print from the camera before they’d start laughing and snapping more photos. At one point, Sehun stole the camera from Jongin and leaned in, kissing him on the mouth while Jongin was mid-laugh, eyes shut tight. Sehun snapped a photo.

That picture turned out to be Jongin’s favorite. He put that one in his wallet, alongside Nari’s school picture.

 

 

The two of them had stayed up way past their respective bed times, just talking and laughing. Sehun helped Jongin set up the Christmas tree, but Nari would be furious if she wasn’t the one who got to decorate it.

Sehun and Jongin changed into their pajamas and climbed into the big, comfy bed. They lay there in silence for a while.

Sehun’s mind was abuzz, running rampant with thoughts of “what ifs” and “should haves”. There was that nagging feeling of depression in the back of his head that he’d been trying to suppress for months. It wanted to show it’s ugly face. _Tonight_ of all nights.

_“I was assaulted.”_

“What?”

Sehun didn’t know what came over him. He just blurted it out. He immediately wanted to run and hide.

Jongin turned over, grabbing Sehun’s hand in his own.

“What did you say?”

Sehun’s eyes began to water. This is what he was trying to prevent, but it was too late to turn back now.

“I was assaulted. Eight years ago. That’s why I’m so scared of people.” Sehun’s voice was softer than the squeak of a mouse.

“Sehun….” For the first time, Jongin was speechless. He didn’t know what to say. He just pulled Sehun into his arms and held him.

“I was walking alone… at night… and he came out of nowhere. He beat me up pretty good. It... it took a while for me to recover.” Sehun laughed sadly. “As you can see, I’m still recovering…” His lip quivered. “He, um… _he raped me_ ,” Sehun breathed out, finding it harder and harder to talk. “I was too weak to fight him off.”

Sehun cried hard, his tears refusing to stop anytime soon. He’d never told anyone but his doctor what happened to him. He decided not to tell Jongin everything yet, but just this small bit felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest.

Jongin didn’t say a word. He just let Sehun cry, rubbing circles across his back comfortingly. Truth be told, Jongin was angry. Not at Sehun. He was angry at the sick bastard who did this to Sehun. He wanted to kill him. Jongin made a promise to a higher being that night that if he ever found the son of a bitch, he’d end his life right then and there.

“Before I met you and Nari, I’d still see him in my dreams every night. That’s why I freaked out so much in the beginning. I’m sorry, Jongin.”

Jongin scowled. “Are you kidding me, Sehun? You have nothing to be sorry about. I never want to hear you apologize for something that wasn’t your fault. You are the most amazing, beautiful, kind, and _brave_ person in this entire world. You’re so strong.” Jongin kissed his forehead. “I love you, Sehun. I don’t want you to ever feel guilty or sorry for something that was never your fault.”

“I… I didn’t think you’d still want me anymore… after I told you what happened. I’m… I’m dirty. I’m used.”

“Sehun, don’t say things like that. I’m never going to “not want you.” I’m always going to want you. What he did to you… makes _him_ dirty. Not you. You’re… fucking beautiful. If there were angels on earth, I’m pretty sure they’d be jealous of you. No one will ever come to close to you, Sehun. You’re _it_ for me. You’re my number one.” Jongin sighed. “And now I’m probably sounding like a crazy person.”

Sehun laughed softly. “No, I like it. Keep going.”

Jongin chuckled, wiping a tear from Sehun’s cheek. “You’re incredible. One of a kind. You’re sexy. You’re sweet. You _actually_ care – not _pretend_ to care like a lot of people do. You’re cute when you’re angry. You’re _funny_. My daughter thinks the world of you. And I’m in love with you.”

Sehun twined his fingers with Jongin’s and kissed the back of his hand. “I just want you to hold me and never let go.”

Jongin smiled softly. “That was already part of my master plan. You don’t have to tell me twice.”

 


	22. Chapter Nineteen

Jongin woke first. Sehun was snoring softly, his cheek pressed against Jongin’s chest. Jongin furrowed his brows as he brushed Sehun’s soft cheek with his finger. Who would want to hurt such a beautiful person? Sehun was like a daisy in a field of weeds.

After what Sehun had admitted to him last night, Jongin couldn’t bear to think what Sehun had been going through alone all these years. He would never let anyone hurt Sehun again.

Sehun’s eyes fluttered open and landed right on Jongin’s warm smile.

“Morning,” Sehun yawned, tilting his head up to catch Jongin’s kiss.

“Good morning, my love,” Jongin whispered softly.

“What’s on the agenda for today?”

“Well, the first thing I have planned is telling you how much I love you,” Jongin smiled.

Sehun chuckled. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get tired of your cheesiness.”

“Good,” Jongin grinned. “Because it’s only going to get worse with age.”

“I thought cheese was supposed to get better with age?”

“You’re thinking of wine.”

“And cheese.”

“Okay, well… you be the wine and I’ll be the cheese. They both go great together, anyway,” Jongin laughed softly.

“So… the second item on the agenda…” Jongin began. “I was thinking that maybe you could come with me to pick up Nari. And… and maybe… maybe you could meet my friend, Yixing.”

“I’d like that,” Sehun smiled softly.

“Are… are you sure? Will that be okay for you?”

Sehun grabbed Jongin’s hands in his own. “Stop worrying. I’ll be fine.”

Truth was, Sehun was terrified. A new person meant new stress. He didn’t want Jongin to see it, though. He wanted to show Jongin that he was trying. And he really was. Meeting Jongin’s friends was important to Sehun. He had to do this.

 

 

Jongin squeezed Sehun’s hand reassuringly as he knocked on his friend’s door. Sehun could hear Nari yelling “ _Daddy!_ ” as footsteps began to get closer to them. He smiled. Not more than three seconds later, a tall, handsome man opened the door and the little girl ran outside and grabbed onto her father’s legs.

“Hi, baby,” Jongin picked her up, squeezing her tightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Daddy! And I have to show you something!” She squirmed, trying to get out of his arms. Once Jongin let her down, she grabbed his hand and ran, pulling him inside the apartment.

Sehun was left standing there with the tall man. He wasn’t quite sure what to do. The two of them just kept staring at each other.

After an awkward amount of time, the man finally reached his hand out. “Hi, I’m Yixing.”

Sehun took it, giving it a nervous shake. “I-I’m… I’m Sehun.”

Yixing smiled, pulling Sehun’s hand. Sehun stumbled forward and the man embraced him in a hug. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

Sehun froze. He took several deep breaths and slowly brought his hands up around Yixing’s back. “N-n-nice to meet you, as well,” Sehun muttered softly.

When Yixing pulled away, Sehun noticed Jongin standing behind him in the doorway, frozen, eyes wide, and mouth open in terror. Sehun nodded at him reassuringly and mouthed an _“I’m okay”_ in his direction.

“I’m so happy that I’m finally getting to meet you,” Yixing gushed. “Nari has been talking about you nonstop all weekend. And don’t even get me started on Jongin…” He laughed.

Sehun blushed. “I-I’ve heard wonderful things about you, too.”

Yixing grabbed Sehun’s hand, a little more gently this time, and began to pull him into his home. “Jongin told me that you’re a writer. You know, I’m actually an illustrator. We should totally collab sometime!”

Sehun chuckled nervously. “I’m… I’m just an editor… I-I’m not a writer anymore.”

Yixing frowned. “That’s too bad. I would have love working with you.”

Sehun smiled genuinely. “Me, too.”

 

Yixing was surprisingly easy to talk to. As much as Sehun liked Kyungsoo, he could actually see himself becoming good friends with Yixing in another life. They had so much in common.

They had been talking for so long, that Sehun had almost forgotten that Nari and Jongin were even there. It wasn’t until Jongin cleared his throat that Sehun realized nearly an hour had passed.

“We should probably get Nari back home to finish the assignments she’d been putting off all weekend.”

“ _Daaaaad_ , my teacher said I can turn them in next week,” Nari groaned. Jongin looked at her sternly. Nari only rolled her eyes, running into Yixing’s arms to give him a goodbye hug.

“And it was really nice talking to you, Sehun. I hope we can hang out sometime.”

Sehun smiled. “I’d really like that, Yixing. It was nice to meet you. We’ll see you next time.” Sehun bowed politely.

“Later, man. Thanks for keeping Nari for us. I hope she helped you finish all of your shopping and wrapping.”

Yixing laughed at that. “You owe me a lot of money, Kim Jongin. She finished my shopping, your shopping, Kyungsoo’s shopping, even Santa’s shopping! I’m broke now!”

Jongin quickly made a beeline for the door. “K, thanks, love you, _bye!_ ” He said, swiftly shutting the door behind him.

 

 

“You know, I really like Yixing,” Sehun said suddenly.

Jongin had one hand on the steering wheel, the other intertwined with Sehun’s on the center console. “I’m glad, Sehun. I really am. You, um, you were talking _a lot_.”

Sehun chuckled nervously. “I’m sorry about that. The only people I’ve ever been comfortable enough to talk to is you and Nari, so it was weird for me to meet someone so easy to communicate with.”

“No, no, I’m _happy_ you were so comfortable around him. I’m proud, actually.” Jongin thought for a moment. “You know, I’ve been saying that a lot, lately. You make me proud every day, Sehun. Always accomplishing little feats. You’re doing really well. I mean, you might even be okay hanging out with Yixing _without_ me.”

Sehun grinned. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet…. But I’d really like to one day. Yixing and I get along really well. He’s really… cool?”

Jongin laughed. “Yeah. He is.”

 

 

“Sehun?” Nari yawned, crawling into Sehun’s lap on the couch.

Sehun pulled her into his arms. He brushed her hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. “Yes, baby?”

“Can you sleep in my room tonight instead of my daddy’s room? I miss you.”

Sehun cooed. “Of course, honey. I miss you, too.”

Sehun kissed Jongin goodnight and let the little girl lead him to her room and, of course, watched as she rearranged all of her stuffed animals, so that Sehun would have a place to sleep on the bed.

She settled into Sehun’s arms, bidding a good night to each of her plush friends.

“Sehun, will you come to my birthday party?” She asked softly.

Sehun nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it. When is your birthday?”

“It’s in a few weeks. I just want to make sure you’re gonna be there. It’s gonna be really fun. I’ll be eight, so I’m practically gonna be a teenager,” She said, very matter-of-factly.

Sehun laughed. “I certainly wouldn’t want to miss that, then. Your dad’s gonna have a heart attack when you become a teenager.”

Nari yawned. “I’ll let you know the plans when I figure it out….” She closed her eyes. “Goodnight, Sehun…”

Sehun smiled, kissing her nose softly. “Goodnight, my angel. Sweet dreams.”


	23. Chapter Twenty

“Where are you two going so early in the morning?” Sehun yawned, watching as Jongin helped Nari with her jacket and shoes.

Jongin smiled. “I’m going to take the princess to get her arm x-rayed and make sure we can take the splint off for good.” He zipped Nari up and went to give Sehun a kiss on the cheek. “We thought we’d just let you sleep in.”

Sehun hummed. “Well, you both be careful, okay? Since I won’t be there to protect you and all.”

Nari giggled. “Don’t worry, Sehun. Dad’s got _me_.”

“I know, baby girl.” Sehun grinned and ruffled her hair, bending down to kiss her forehead. “I’ll see you when you get back.”

 

 

Sehun was actually relieved when they left. It meant that he could finally pick up his gift to them. He was still a little nervous about going out on his own to get it, but he had to do it. It was now or never.

He’d taken the bus to an animal shelter further in the city. He’d been talking with the owner about adopting a dog for Nari. Well… maybe not _only_ for Nari. Sehun had never had a dog before, either.

“Hello, how can I help you?” A middle-aged man in a white lab coat greeted him.

“H-h-hello. M-my name is Sehun. I spoke with someone over the phone about adopting a dog?”

The man smiled warmly. “Sehun. How nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Byun. I’m the local veterinarian and I also own this shelter.”

“N-n-nice to meet you,” Sehun smiled.

“Come this way,” The man ushered him through a set of doors leading into a kennel area. “We have a lot of animals that could use a good home.”

Sehun looked around. So many dogs and cats happy to see a new face, hoping for a new home. They were all so friendly, coming right up to the gate and licking his hands as he tried to pet them. Sehun grinned. He wished he could take all of them.

He made his way further down the row of kennels. He came to a stop at one in particular that had caught his attention. A white Labrador sat in the far corner of the kennel. It’s head was down, almost as if it was sad. Sehun called to the dog, but it only looked up and put it’s head back down with a grunt.

“That’s Nevy. He’s been here the longest. He only has one eye and a few scars, thanks to a previous owner, so he’s a bit timid. And he’s a little older than most of the dogs, which is probably why he’s still here.” Dr. Byun sighed sadly. “Most people come in looking for puppies. Nevy’s a sweet dog. He’s just used to the disappointment.”

“I want him. He’s perfect,” Sehun said immediately.

Dr. Byun smiled. “You’re sure?”

Sehun nodded happily. “He’s beautiful.”

Nevy’s ears perked up instantly, almost as if he had known exactly what Sehun said. His tail began to wag and he slowly made his way to the gate. Dr. Byun opened it and Sehun stepped inside slowly, bending down as the dog began to sniff him.

Sehun shyly stuck his hand out and rubbed the spot between Nevy’s ears. Nevy closed his only eye and stuck his tongue out, his tail beginning to beat faster. Sehun tried to pull his hand away, but Nevy excitedly licked Sehun’s palm and arm.

Sehun giggled. “Good boy! You want to come home with me? Huh?” Nevi barked loudly.

Dr. Byun chuckled. “I think you’ve found a new best friend, Sehun.”

Sehun certainly couldn’t disagree.

 

 

It was like Nevy could sense how nervous Sehun was about walking down the street. Sehun was trying to remain calm, but inside he was shaking. His heart was pounding. Sehun had gotten a six-foot leash for Nevy, but the dog wouldn’t move more than a few inches away from Sehun. When Sehun would stop walking, Nevy would nudge his cold, wet nose into the palm of Sehun’s hand, almost to let him know that it was okay – that he was there.

They finally arrived at Jongin’s apartment, the doorman greeted them as usual, letting Sehun know that his two favorite people had made it back just a few moments before them. Sehun smiled. Perfect timing.

Sehun opened the door, poking only his head inside. “Hello?”

“I’m in here!” Jongin yelled from the living room.

“I just want to warn you that I have an early Christmas present for you and Nari, so Jongin, please try not to freak out too much.”

“What are you talking ab-?” Jongin froze as Sehun walked into the living room with Nevy.

“Sehun. That’s a dog.”

Sehun smiled warmly. “No, it’s a Christmas gift for you and Nari.” He coughed. “ _And me_.”

“OH MY GOD IS THAT A PUPPY?!” Nari yelled from the hallway.

Sehun grinned. “It is.”

“Whose puppy is this? He’s so cute! What’s his name? Oh my gosh I can’t believe there’s a puppy in my house!” Nari squealed delightedly, wrapping her arms around the dog. Nevy was happy for the attention. He licked all over Nari’s face as the little girl just laughed.

“He’s your puppy. His name is Nevy.”

“Hi, Nevy! Oh my gosh, you’re so _cute!_ He’s really for me?”

“Merry early Christmas, sweet girl.” Sehun’s heart was so full watching Nevy and Nari play together.

Sehun looked at Jongin wearily. “A-a-are you mad?” Jongin had been silent for a while.

He shook his head. “I’m not mad. I’m just… in shock.”

Sehun bit his lip. “In… in a bad way?”

“I don’t think so. I’m just… I mean… I’ve never had a dog before. So, this is pretty new to me.”

“I guess this is a first for all of us, then.”

“I can’t believe you got a dog,” Jongin breathed.

“He’s a gift, okay, so you can’t give him back.” Sehun frowned sadly.

Jongin looked at him. He grabbed Sehun’s hand and pulled the younger man into his arms. “I would never even dream of it, Sehun.” He kissed the corner of Sehun’s lips. “Thank you. For everything. Nari is probably the happiest little girl in the world right now.”

“I’m happy, too,” Sehun smiled.

 

 

Everyone slept in Jongin’s bed on the first night. Jongin hanging haphazardly on the left side, Sehun on the right, Nari somewhere in the middle, and Nevy sprawled out horizontally, dangerously close to kicking Jongin all the way off the bed.

Jongin sighed. He could tell he was going to be on the floor by sunrise. But, he was so content. He was truly the luckiest man on Earth right now, and probably even the whole universe if he had to guess. His family was complete. He didn’t realize anything had ever been missing in his perfect life until Sehun came into it. And now that they were all here together… Jongin never wanted it to end.

His daughter was happy. He was over the moon. And he could tell Sehun was delighted, too. And now Nevy – snoring away and nearly kicking Jongin out of his own damn bed – he made everything complete. This was their family. Probably the only family that any of them had ever really known.

Jongin decided in that moment that he would never let anything come between him and his family. And… he wanted to make Sehun a part of his family _for real_ – for life. Now, all he had to do was figure out how to ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading!


	24. Chapter Twenty-One

“Nari did a great job decorating the tree,” Sehun smiled as he put the last present underneath it.

“She did, didn’t she?” Jongin stared at the tree proudly.

“Do you think she’s gonna like the baseball glove and the bat?” Sehun worried.

Jongin chuckled. “I think she’s gonna love it. You know she’s gonna want you to go outside and play with her the minute she opens it, right?”

Sehun grinned. “I’m counting on it.”

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” Jongin rubbed his nose against Sehun’s.

“Only every day,” Sehun laughed, giving Jongin a long kiss on the lips.

“Ewwww, gross! My innocent eyes are _burning_!”

“Alright, alright,” Jongin groaned. “We’ll stop.”

“Can you at least wait do that when I’m not home?” Nari fake gagged, pulling Nevy behind her from the hallway.

“And good morning to you, too,” Sehun sighed.

 

 

“I need to run to my apartment and give Mr. and Mrs. Lee their Christmas gift. I’ll be back soon.”

Jongin raised an eyebrow. “By yourself?”

Sehun smiled. “Yes.”

“Baby, I can come with you. Just let me finish making Nari her breakfast and I’ll get dressed.”

“No, no… It’s okay. I… I’m gonna take Nevy with me.” Sehun made his way over to Nari and Nevy, watching classic Christmas cartoons on the couch.

“Nari, do you mind if I borrow Nevy for a little while? I’m gonna take him for a walk.”

“Okay!” Nari beamed. “Nevy loves to walk.” Sehun smiled and gave Nari a pat on her head.

“Wait! Can you put Nevy’s new collar on? I decorated it ‘specially for him.”

Sehun nodded his head with a grin. “Of course, baby. Where is it?”

Nari ran to her room and came right back with a bedazzled, sparkly, bright brink collar. Nevy and Sehun both grimaced. “I-it’s beautiful. I’m sure Nevy’s going to love it. Right, Nevy?” The dog looked at the shiny collar and let out a huff. He seemed to be contemplating. After a few minutes, he nuzzled the collar with his nose and allowed Sehun to slip it on him.

Nari pulled Nevy into her arms. “You look so pretty, Nevy!” The old dog couldn’t resist Nari’s charms. He howled happily and licked her nose.

“Alright, boy. Let’s go!” Sehun chirped. Nevy began wagging his tail as he followed Sehun out the door.

As soon as Jongin heard the door shut, he grabbed Nari’s plate and called her to the table. She sat down, confused as to why her father was suddenly so anxious.

“Are you okay, Dad? You’re acting weird.” Nari bit off a piece of her bacon and stared at her father.

“S-s-so… you know how your birthday is coming up soon, right?” Jongin began nervously.

“Duh, how could I forget?” Nari giggled.

“And you know Daddy’s birthday is on the same day?”

“Of course, Dad. Have I _ever_ forgotten your birthday?” She grinned.

“I know, baby. And you know _you_ are the greatest birthday gift that anyone’s ever given me?” Jongin smiled softly, wiping a piece of bacon crust from the corner of his daughter’s mouth.

“I know, Daddy. You tell me that every year,” She smiled. “Why are you being so weird today?”

“I was… I was hoping you could help me with my birthday present this year.”

“What do you want for your birthday? You don’t like my sparkly ties anymore?”

Jongin chuckled. “No, no, baby. I love the ties you make me every year. This is… something else.” Jongin took a breath. “Daddy wants to marry Sehun.”

Nari squealed. “ _Are you serious!?_ ”

Jongin nodded. “I wanted to make sure you were okay with it first.”

“Why would I not be okay with it? O. M. G! Dad! I’ve only been waiting for this since for-like-ever.” Nari was bouncing in her seat.

“I’m glad you approve,” Jongin laughed. “I wanted to ask him to marry me for my birthday.”

Nari screamed. “I’m so excited. So, that means Sehun is gonna be my daddy, too?! I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life!”

Jongin’s heart was full of joy, but it ached. He wished Nari knew the things he knew.

 

 

When Sehun returned, it was much later in the evening than he’d anticipated. Mrs. Lee wouldn’t let him go. She hadn’t seen him in a few weeks and she wanted to gossip. Sehun was happy, truly. He loved Mrs. Lee. In a way… she’d become like a mother to him over the past few months and Sehun had somehow become the son she’d never had. He made a mental note to visit her more often.

Jongin greeted him nervously when he entered the living room. “It’s late, Sehun. I thought something happened… Nari and I were about to go looking for you.”

Sehun grabbed Jongin’s hands in his own. “I’m fine. Nevy was with me the whole time. He protected me.” Nevy grunted, butting his nose into Jongin’s leg.

Jongin grinned. He bent down to rub Nevy’s head. “Good boy, Nevy. Looks like you’re giving me a run for my money.”

Sehun laughed. “I didn’t miss present-opening time, did I?”

“Of course not,” Jongin smiled.

“Sehun!” Nari ran up to him and jumped into his arms. Sehun pulled her up and hugged her tightly.

“Hi, sweet girl. Are you ready to open presents?”

She kissed Sehun’s cheek and hugged him even tighter. “I love you, Sehun,” She whispered softly.

Sehun chuckled. “I love you, too, baby.” He pulled back to look at her. “Are you feeling okay, Nari? You’re not usually this nice to me,” He laughed.

“I just love you so much, that’s all.”

“Okay, let me in on this hug. I love both of you _so_ much,” Jongin fake cried, pulling both of them into his arms. “Come on, Nevy! You don’t wanna miss out on this, boy!” Nevy barked loudly and jumped onto Sehun’s legs.

“Okay, okay! I can’t breathe!” Nari yelled. “Put me down!” Sehun laughed as he put her on the floor. “Can we open presents now?” She groaned.

Less than five minutes later and they were crowded around the Christmas tree. Nari’s eyes widened when she opened her gift. “I-I-I can’t believe you got me a new bat and glove! This is _awesome_! Thanks, you guys! Sehun, can we go play?!”

Sehun grinned happily. “Maybe tomorrow we can go to the park for a little while.” Nari nodded her head in excitement.

The next gift to be opened was Sehun’s. It was from Jongin. It was in a simple red box with a big green bow on top. Sehun took the top off the box and he couldn’t believe his eyes when he looked inside. It was a brand new MacBook Pro. “J-Jongin… this is… this is so expensive.”

“It’s priceless,” Jongin said with a soft smile. “So you can start writing again.”

Sehun felt tears stinging the corner of his eyes. He set the box down and pulled Jongin into an embrace. “Thank you,” He whispered softly as a tear slid down his cheek.

An instant flash of light interrupted their moment. Sehun looked over to see Nari holding the Polaroid camera. He grinned, wiping his tears away. “You’re supposed to warn someone before you take their picture.”

“Nah. Candid pictures are the best pictures,” Nari smirked.

“Here, let’s set the timer and take a picture together, okay?” Nari nodded and Sehun grabbed the camera and pressed a few buttons before setting it up on the coffee table.

The four of them gathered on the floor in front of the tree. Nari sat on Jongin’s lap, while Sehun leaned in and wrapped his arms around the both of them. Nevy laid in the front, his ears perked up and his tongue hanging out happily. When the timer began to countdown, they all smiled. The flash went off.

 

 

Sehun lay awake in Jongin’s bed later that night. He didn’t understand how on Earth someone like Jongin could love him so much. Jongin was this incredible person and Sehun was… Sehun. He never felt like he deserved Jongin.

“What are you up to, Sehun?” Jongin said sleepily, startling Sehun.

“I’m just thinking.”

Jongin found Sehun’s hand in the dark and pulled it to his lips, kissing it softly. “What are you thinking about?”

Sehun hummed. “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

Jongin chuckled. “Only every day.”

Sehun rolled over on top of Jongin.

“Whoa! What are you doing?” Jongin laughed, grabbing hold of Sehun’s hip.

Sehun leaned down and kissed Jongin on the mouth.

“Mmrmp… Sehun…” Jongin mumbled through Sehun’s lips. The younger man pulled away. “What are you doing?”

“I-I-I… I wanted to t-try… I ‘ve never… I mean, I _have_ … but I didn’t want it before… and now I want…” Sehun was flustered. He rolled back over onto his side of the bed, facing away from Jongin. His cheeks were hot. “Never mind.”

Jongin put a hand on his arm comfortingly. “Sehun, do you… want to be intimate? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

Sehun nodded his head weakly, still refusing to look at Jongin. The older man grabbed Sehun’s chin and turned his head. “Sehun, I want you. I want you so bad. But, I’m not going to be the cause of another scar on your heart.” He kissed Sehun slowly. “I won’t do this with you until you’re ready.”

Sehun grabbed Jongin’s cheeks between his hands determinedly. “Jongin. _I’m ready_.”


	25. Chapter Twenty-Two

“You’re sure about this?” Jongin cupped Sehun’s cheek in his palm.

Sehun nodded. “I’m sure.”

Jongin rolled his torso on top of Sehun. He bent down slowly, connecting his lips with Sehun’s in a soft, languid kiss. He pressed a little harder and Sehun parted his lips with a gasp. Jongin darted his tongue out, running it against Sehun’s own. Sehun nipped at Jongin’s lips, sliding his tongue into Jongin’s mouth like it was some mystical cave and he was an explorer.

Sehun felt hot with Jongin’s muscular body lying atop his own. He tentatively grasped at Jongin’s shirt – pulling at it – up and over Jongin’s head. Sehun pulled away from Jongin only so he could marvel at his sculpted torso. Sehun trailed his hand across the rippled planes of his stomach. For Sehun, it was like seeing one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Jongin was beautiful. He was godlike.

Jongin studied Sehun’s wondering expression. He let Sehun touch him, let Sehun _learn_ him. When Sehun finally looked back up at him, Jongin bent down slowly, once again connecting his lips with Sehun’s in a soft, sweet kiss.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jongin whispered.

Sehun tilted his head back as Jongin peppered kisses against his lips, his chin, and down the side of his neck. He was distracting Sehun as he began to slide the younger man’s shirt up. He rid Sehun of the obstructing piece of cloth and threw it to the floor.

Sehun felt so bare, so vulnerable. It was different than how he had felt before. He wanted this. He liked this new vulnerability because he knew that Jongin would not abuse it.

Jongin nipped at Sehun’s collarbones, inching his way down slowly. He grasped Sehun’s hip, rubbing it softly, almost comfortingly, with his thumb. Jongin licked Sehun’s dusty pink nipple, flicking at it until it became hard beneath his tongue. Sehun couldn’t stop the soft sound of pleasure that escaped his lips.

Sehun ran his fingers through Jongin’s dark hair as he worked on Sehun’s other nipple. There was a feeling pooling in the pit of Sehun’s stomach. It was the same feeling he’d had the night he dreamt about Jongin. Only this time, he didn’t want the feeling to go away.

Sehun guessed Jongin must have had the same feeling because he began to slowly rock his hips against Sehun’s. He looked up at Sehun, eyes so full of concern that it made Sehun’s heart skip a beat. No one had ever cared about Sehun like Jongin did.

“It’s okay, Jongin,” He said softly, brushing a strand of hair off of Jongin’s forehead. “Kiss me again.”

Jongin didn’t waste a second. He locked his lips with Sehun’s hungrily. Sehun wrapped his arms around Jongin’s back, pulling him closer even though they were already chest-to-chest. Sehun parted his legs, the bulge growing in his pajama pants. Jongin fit comfortably between Sehun’s legs and Sehun gasped when felt a similar bulge press against his own.

“ _J-Jongin..,_ ” Sehun breathed, closing his eyes as the man began to grind his pelvis against Sehun’s. Sehun instinctively wrapped his legs around Jongin’s waist, the friction making him nearly scream out loud.

Sehun could feel the vibrations of Jongin’s grunts and groans through his kiss. Jongin didn’t dare part from Sehun’s lips. He couldn’t, for fear he wouldn’t be able to stop shouting Sehun’s name.

Jongin could feel himself getting bigger, a warm sensation beginning to pool in the pit of his stomach. His thrusts became more reckless and untimely. Sehun tightened his grip around Jongin’s back, his fingernails digging into soft flesh.

Something was happening to Sehun. He was losing control. It was like he felt _too_ good all of a sudden. Jongin’s own tight bulge was hitting him in just the right way and Sehun was going crazy. He was straining painfully against his pants now and he felt as if he were going to explode.

Jongin’s eyes bore into Sehun’s, but Sehun couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He scrunched them shut, unable to contain himself any longer. A warmth came over him as he released into his pants. Jongin kissed him hard, riding it out with Sehun. Jongin gave one last long, hard thrust and came with a cry of Sehun’s name on his lips.

He collapsed on top of Sehun, kissing his lips softly. Sehun held Jongin in his arms. Neither of them moved for what felt like hours. They didn’t speak. They were both dripping with sweat from their rigorous escapade.

Jongin jolted up when he heard the beginning of Sehun’s soft cries.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He worried, caressing Sehun’s cheek with his hand.

Sehun half laughed and half cried. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Why are you crying?” Jongin’s eyes were wide with fear. “What did I do wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No,” Sehun sniffled. “Everything is perfect. I’m okay. I’m just… overwhelmed. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel.”

Jongin kissed his forehead. “How do you want to feel?”

“Happy. _Enlightened,_ ” He laughed weakly. Jongin grinned at that. “I-I-I feel… I feel good.”

“I love you, Sehun. You know that right? This is love. Love is gentle and patient and kind. I’m sorry that someone took that away from you.” Jongin rubbed his nose against Sehun’s. “I’m gonna try my damned hardest to show you what love is _supposed_ to feel like,” He whispered, kissing Sehun softly.

“I love you so much, Kim Jongin. I never want to let you go,” Sehun cried.

“Then, don’t…” Jongin smiled against his lips. “Don’t let me go.”

 

 

Jongin took Sehun into his bathroom and turned on the shower. Sehun let Jongin pull his soiled pajama pants off and watched as he began to pull off his own. Sehun blushed when he saw Jongin’s blessed girth for the second time. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. Jongin stepped closer, grabbing Sehun’s hand and pulling him into the shower.

The warm water was like a blessing to their naked bodies. Jongin smiled at Sehun under the spray of the shower and Sehun turned away shyly. Jongin grabbed a bar of soap and rubbed it over his own body, then trailed it across Sehun’s.

He rubbed Sehun’s shoulders, then his arms, and made his way to the bottom of Sehun’s stomach. Jongin slid his hand across Sehun’s hip and let it rest on one soft, squishy globe of Sehun’s bottom. Sehun watched Jongin out of curiosity. It was now Jongin who was learning Sehun’s body.

Sehun let his eyes wander lower. He couldn’t take them off of Jongin’s length. This is what Sehun had been so scared of. Not _the penis_ in particular, but what one had done to him before. He guessed that it wasn’t so much the penis that had hurt him, but the person attached to the penis. And Jongin was _not_ that person.

Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hand gently. “It’s okay. You can touch it if you want.”

Sehun looked up at Jongin nervously. He let Jongin guide his hand, wrapping it around his penis. Sehun let out a gasp. It was so big in his hand. He traced his thumb across the tip and Jongin sucked in sharply. Sehun pulled his hand back.

“It’s nice,” Sehun said quietly.

Jongin laughed out loud at that.

“W-what’d I do?” Sehun asked nervously.

“Nothing,” Jongin chuckled. “You’re just cute, that’s all. It is nice, isn’t it?”

Sehun nodded.

“I think your butt is nice, too,” Jongin said, after a couple of minutes. Sehun grinned. “Let’s wash up and go to bed, okay?”

 

 

All clean and dressed in their birthday suits, they lay in bed, Jongin’s arms wrapped around Sehun’s thin frame. Jongin’s chin rested on top of Sehun’s head, his hair still damp from the shower.

“Mine and Nari’s birthdays are coming up soon,” Jongin thought aloud. Sehun tilted his head up.

“When is your birthday?” Sehun was ashamed that he didn’t know this already. It had been nearly nine months since he’d met them. You’d think he would know their birthdays by now.

“January 14th. Nari and I share the same birthday, actually. She’s the greatest gift of all time,” He said fondly. “She always gets mad when I tell her that.”

Sehun couldn’t help smiling at that. This was definitely the man he fell in love with. Sehun thought for a moment.

“Y-you said the 14th?”

Jongin nodded. “We’ll probably have dinner here or something. Nari is in charge of planning it. It’ll probably be unicorns and baseball themed,” He chuckled.

The fourteenth… of January. That day was important to Sehun.

“She said you totally _have_ to be there,” Jongin grinned, thinking of his daughter. “Of course, I really want you to be there, too. Nari always invites her friends from school, but no one ever comes to _my_ birthday,” He pouted. “Maybe you can be my guest instead of hers,” He laughed sheepishly.

Sehun sucked in a breath. “I-I-I wouldn’t miss it.”

Jongin kissed Sehun on the nose. “Perfect.”

“I-I-I’m really tired all of a sudden,” Sehun feigned a yawn. “I’m gonna sleep now. Goodnight, Jongin.” He pecked Jongin on the lips and laid his head on Jongin’s broad chest.

“Goodnight, Sehun. I love you.”

Sehun closed his eyes, but the last thing he did was sleep. He was wide awake.


	26. Chapter Twenty-Three

Jongin woke the next morning with a smile on his face. Last night was… amazing. He thought he might have just been dreaming, but it was very, very real. He turned over to pull Sehun into his arms, but he found the bed beside him empty.

Jongin stood up, yawning, as he stretched his arms above his head. He pulled on a clean pair of sweatpants and ventured out of his room. He couldn’t find Sehun anywhere. He checked his daughter’s room, only to find a snoring Nari buried in a pile of stuffed animals.

Jongin sighed, shuffling into the kitchen to get a glass of milk. He put his hand on the handle of the refrigerator and immediately took an eye to the note stuck to the door.

_My dearest Jongin,_

_Something came up and I have to leave for a little while. Nevy is with me. I’ll be back._

_Love you always,_

_Sehun_

Jongin tapped a finger on the note in thought. _Where on earth did he go_? It was unusual for Sehun to venture out by himself, but to not even tell Jongin that he was leaving or where he was going was _really_ strange. And he didn’t say anything about coming back soon – just that he’d “be back.”

Jongin frowned. There was something he must have done last night that Sehun wasn’t comfortable with. He should have known better. He should have known that Sehun wasn’t ready. And now Jongin had gone and messed everything up. Jongin kicked himself. He’d potentially just ruined one of the best things to ever happen in his life.

 

 

Sehun wandered down the street aimlessly, Nevy close to his side. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed to go. He needed to think. And he couldn’t do that with Jongin right next to him.

He was groggy. He hadn’t slept at all last night. That date kept repeating over and over in his head. _January 14 th._ That was the most important date in Sehun’s life. On that day, in the earliest hours of the morning, he’d given birth to his baby girl. A little girl that was adopted on that same day.

There were too many coincidences that Sehun should have noticed before. Maybe he was too blind to see it. Or maybe he _chose_ to ignore it. Sehun didn’t want to face what he thought might be true. What were the odds, after all, that Nari could be the daughter he’d given up so many years ago?

Sehun’s heart was hurting. He loved Nari. She was a smart, beautiful, sassy, carefree spirit. She was everything that Sehun wished he could be. And yet still, in the back of Sehun’s mind, he’d always seen himself reflected in her.

Sehun felt like the most evil person in the world. If she was, in fact, his daughter… how could he ever have given her up?

He sat down on a bench near one of the bus stops. Nevy plopped down next to him and put his chin on Sehun’s knee, looking up at the man with soft, worried eyes.

Sehun wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. “How could I do this to her, Nevy?” Sehun sniffled. “How could I hurt her like this? And Jongin… How can I ever tell him?”

Nevy nudged Sehun’s knee with his nose.

“I can’t tell them. I-I-I don’t even know if I’m really her father or not. M-maybe it really is just a coincidence…” Sehun sighed.

But, then, maybe the reason Jongin and Nari had always felt so familiar to him… was because they were his family all along.

 

 

Jongin was really worried now. He’d called and texted Sehun and gotten no response. He’d even stopped by his apartment, but Mr. Lee said he hadn’t seen Sehun since yesterday.

Nari grasped her father’s hand. “Daddy, it’s okay. Maybe Sehun is just playing a _really_ good game of hide and seek.”

Jongin smiled softly at his daughter’s optimism. “I hope so, baby… I really hope so.”

 

 

Sehun stepped into the clinic and the receptionist immediately side-eyed him. “Sir, I’m sorry, but we don’t allow animals inside.”

Sehun gripped Nevy’s leash in his hand nervously. “H-h-he’s m-my service animal…” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

The woman’s expression softened. “Oh… I see. Well, in that case, sign in and have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

Sehun bowed politely and did as he was told. The moment he sat down, his phone began to buzz in his pocket. Sehun sighed. _Jongin again…_ He turned his phone off this time. He couldn’t bear to talk to Jongin until he found out the truth.

Sehun didn’t have to wait too long. Less than fifteen minutes later, the nurse was calling him to his room.

“Sehun, my boy!” Dr. Jang exclaimed as he entered the room. “And who is this we have here?” The older man eyed the dog curiously.

“This is Nevy. He’s… he’s my service dog. Sort of,” Sehun said nervously.

Dr. Jang didn’t press any further. “Well, Nevy, it’s lovely to meet you.” He stuck his hand out and the dog instinctively put his paw into the man’s hand. He smiled, turning his attention back to Sehun. “What brings you in today, son?”

Sehun bit his lip. “There’s n-no easy way to say this, so I’m j-just going to come right out with it.” He took a breath. “The little girl I brought here a few weeks ago – Nari. Is… she… _mine_?”

Dr. Jang, for the first time in his career, could not say anything.

“I-I-I know you know,” Sehun pressed quietly. “It was in her blood work, wasn’t it? That’s why you seemed so uneasy that day.”

The doctor sighed. “I’m so sorry, Sehun. I didn’t want to tell you because you’d been so adamant about not seeing your daughter after she was born. The other day, you seemed to be happier than I’d ever seen you before. I thought it best not to say anything. But… yes. She is your daughter.”

Sehun sucked in sharply. “Oh my god…” He put a hand over his mouth. He didn’t want to believe it, but he knew in his heart that it was the truth. His eyes began to swell. “What have I done?”

 

 

Sehun went to his own apartment. He’d kept Nevy out long enough. The poor dog was probably tired by now, though he didn’t seem the least bit unhappy. Sehun kicked his shoes off and went into the kitchen to pour Nevy a bowl of water.

There was a piece of folded paper on the counter with Sehun’s name scrawled across it in handwriting he knew all too well. He opened it up.

 

_Sehun –_

_What’s going on? I’m worried about you and you won’t talk to me. Whatever I did… I’m sorry. I love you and I miss you._

_Nari thinks you’re playing hide and seek. But, it feels like you don’t want to be found. Please just talk to me. Please come home._

_We love you so much._

_J & N_

Sehun sank down to the floor and pulled his knees to his chest. He didn’t know what to do. Nari was his daughter. _His_ daughter. He’d given birth to her. And he’d given her up. How could he have done that?

Ms. Nam had been right about Jongin, though. He was the best father that Sehun could have ever hoped for Nari to have. Nari had grown up so beautifully and Jongin loved her more than anything. As much as it hurt Sehun to think about it now… he knew he’d made the right choice. Sehun could never have given her the life that Jongin was able to give her.

But, why, then, did his heart ache so much? Because he’d been unintentionally lying to them this whole time? Or because he knew if they found out the truth, they’d hate him for it?

Sehun had a decision to make. He could let things be and not say anything and continue to feel guilty for the rest of his life.

Or he could be honest and tell Jongin the truth and let him decide if he wants to hate Sehun for what he’s done. Nari – sweet, innocent Nari – she wouldn’t be able to understand it. Sehun could never hurt her.

Sehun really wanted to just pretend that he didn’t know anything. He loved that little girl so much. No longer could he think of his life without her in it. And Jongin… what if he said that Sehun could never see her again? What if he didn’t want to be with Sehun anymore? He would think Sehun had lied about everything. Sehun would die.

No. Sehun owed it to them to be honest. He had to tell Jongin the truth, no matter if he kicked Sehun out of their lives or not. He wiped his tears and got up off of the floor.

“Nevy?” The dog’s ears perked up. “I’m sorry, boy, but we’ve gotta go out one more time, okay?”

 

Jongin was relieved when he heard the door shut in the foyer. He saw Nevy trot in first, followed by a disheveled Sehun. He ran to Sehun, pulling the man into his arms.

“Thank God!” Jongin hugged Sehun tightly. “I was so worried about you.”

Sehun sucked in a breath. “I-I’m sorry, Jongin.”

Jongin pulled back and looked at Sehun, a soft smile on his face. “Don’t be sorry. Don’t ever be sorry.” He kissed Sehun softly on the cheek. “Please just tell me what I did wrong, so I can make it better.”

Sehun turned his head away. “It wasn’t you. It was me.”

“Sehun-“

“Where’s Nari?” Sehun pulled out of Jongin’s arms and made a beeline for her room.

“She’s playing with her Christmas gift. She’s been waiting for you to get home so you can play together,” Jongin called after him, following him to Nari’s bedroom.

“Sehun!” Nari shouted when he entered. “Did you win hide and seek? Me and Daddy couldn’t find you anywhere!” She laughed, running into his arms.

Sehun smiled sadly, tears stinging the corners of his eyes. “Yes, baby girl. I won.”

He looked at the little girl who had the happiest grin on her face and the brightest twinkle in her eyes. It was like Sehun was seeing her for the first time again. He studied her. Her soft cheeks and her cute little nose… the upturned curve of her lips as her smile reached toward the crinkled corners of her eyes. This was his daughter. And he was so scared that this would be the last time he got to see her.

Sehun let out a breath and wiped his tears away. “Do you want to throw the ball back and forth?” He asked excitedly. “I told you we could play today.”

For the next hour, he played with Nari. He cherished the time he got to spend with her. They tossed the baseball back and forth throughout the apartment, careful not to break anything. It was getting late and Sehun didn’t want this night to come to and end. He knew as soon as they sent Nari to bed, he’d have to face Jongin and that was something he did not want to do.

But, as sure as the sun would rise, the night did have to end. Nari, of course, wasn’t happy about it. She groaned and grumbled the entire walk to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her for good measure. Sehun laughed. He was really going to miss that attitude.

“Sehun.” The voice behind him pulled him from his reverie. Sehun turned around, allowing Jongin put a hand on his waist, pulling him into his arms. “What’s really going on?”

“I…”

“You’ve barely looked at me all night. Is it something I did?” Jongin worried, his eyes red and watery.

“Kiss me, Jongin,” Sehun commanded. “ _Kiss me_.”

Jongin leaned in hesitantly. He placed his lips softly against Sehun’s and pulled away.

Sehun wanted more – _needed_ more _._ He put a hand on the base of Jongin’s neck and pulled him closer, their mouths clashing in a tangle of teeth and tongue. Sehun nipped at Jongin’s bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from the latter. Jongin grasped Sehun’s hips in an attempt to balance himself. He was struggling to catch his breath, but Sehun didn’t seem to want to let him go.

When the younger man finally pulled away, his lips were red and marked and Jongin kissed them once more, gentle and unhurried.

“God, I don’t want this to end,” Sehun whispered.

“Who says it’s going to end?” Jongin questioned in confusion.

Sehun took a breath. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

“What is it?” Jongin looked uneasy.

Sehun was trying to steady his heartbeat. His cheeks were burning. “D-do you remember… how I told you that I was assaulted?”

Jongin nodded.

“I…” Sehun’s lip quivered. “I… became pregnant… because of it.”

“Sehun-“

“Let me finish,” Sehun pleaded softly, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

“I had a little girl,” He smiled softly. “She was _beautiful_. I only saw her once. In the nursery. And… and then I… I gave her up for adoption.”

Sehun sunk down to his knees. He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Sehun, it’s okay.” Jongin squatted down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Sehun vigorously shook his head. “No…” He looked Jongin in the eye. “Nari is that little girl. I-I-I’m… I’m… She’s my daughter.” Sehun couldn’t hold back anymore. He began to sob, right there in Jongin’s arms.

“I know, Sehun. I know,” Jongin said quietly.

Sehun sniffled, looking up at Jongin. “W-what?”

“I’ve known since the moment I saw you.”

Sehun was incredulous.

“I was there that night. At the hospital,” Jongin said tearfully. “I saw you in the nursery.”

“You… you _knew_?” Sehun pulled away, a disgusted look on his face.

“Yes, but Sehun-“

“You knew she was my daughter the whole time and you kept it from me?!” Sehun stood up. Angry tears rolled down his cheeks. He half ran, half walked to the door.

“Sehun, come back!” Jongin shouted after him. Jongin grabbed his wrist, but Sehun pulled it away harshly.

“No, Jongin! _You_ lied to _me_!” Sehun shouted.

“What’s going on?” A yawning Nari strolled into the living room, with a nervous-looking Nevy right behind her. “Why are you yelling?”

Sehun froze, turning around. “Nari,” He bent down, holding his arms out. “Come here, sweetie.”

Nari looked slightly confused, but climbed into Sehun’s arms. He kissed her rosy pink cheek softly. “I love you, okay? I love you so much. Don’t you ever forget that? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He squeezed her tightly. He began to cry even harder as he let her go. “I love you, baby girl.”

“Sehun, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” She asked worriedly.

Sehun began to walk away. Nari tried to follow after him, but a dumbstruck Jongin grabbed her by the shoulders, holding her back. Nari began to panic, fighting to get out of Jongin’s grip.

“Daddy, come back!” Nari shouted after him. “Daddy!” Sehun didn’t turn around. The sound of her cries broke his heart. “ _Appa!_ ” She sobbed.

Sehun slammed the door behind him and fell to the ground. When he said goodbye to Nari in her nursery almost eight years ago, he thought he’d never feel pain like that again. But, he was wrong. This was the hardest goodbye.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Four

Jongin was numb. It had been two days since Sehun left them. Nari was inconsolable. She was angry. She was hurt. She didn’t understand why Sehun left her. She locked herself in her room, refusing to even talk to Jongin. She had figured by now that it was probably his fault.

Jongin didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to do. He’d tried calling Sehun after he left, but of course, Sehun wouldn’t answer the phone. If he’d just let Jongin explain...

He’d known from the beginning. That much was true. He didn’t know that Sehun had been assaulted or that he’d been raped. He only knew that Sehun was Nari’s biological father. She looked just like him, for Heaven’s sake. Jongin often wondered how Sehun didn’t see the resemblance.

Jongin never planned to keep it a secret from Sehun. He honestly never thought he’d even see Sehun again after that night in the hospital. Then, Nari bumped into him in the grocery store and the rest is history. To Jongin, it felt like fate had brought them together. And now it was fate that had so cruelly torn them apart.

No… it wasn’t fate. That wasn’t right. Their circumstances tore them apart. Jongin should have been honest with Sehun from the beginning, but he feared that if he had, Sehun would have just run away. Sehun was so fragile. Jongin didn’t think he would be able to handle finding out that Nari was his daughter.

Now, look where it where it had gotten them.

 

 

Sehun had cried until the corners of his eyes became raw and cracked. He cried so much that he’d given himself a migraine on top of his broken heart. He hadn’t left his apartment. He couldn’t. He felt like he was back at square one.

He had done this to himself this time around. He was the one who ran away. He was the one who left. And now he was too ashamed to turn back.

 _Jongin had known the whole time._ That thought kept replaying in Sehun’s mind. Why wouldn’t Jongin say anything? He couldn’t blame him, though. Sehun was a mess. He’d been a mess for a long time. None of this was Jongin’s fault.

Sehun had been so worried about Jongin keeping Nari away from him, but Jongin had known all along and he didn’t care. He _wanted_ Sehun to be in Nari’s life just as much as Sehun wanted to be in it. And now Sehun had fucked it up. He was so ashamed of himself. He’d broken his own heart. He’d broken Jongin’s heart. And most regretfully, he’d broken Nari’s heart.

It killed Sehun when she called him _Appa_. She had already thought of Sehun as a father. She wanted him to be her other father so badly. It was ironic that Sehun actually _was_ her other father.

Sehun couldn’t bear to think about it anymore. There was no going back for him. He’d messed up royally and he didn’t know how to fix the damage he’d caused. Jongin and Nari probably hated him. How could they not? Look at what Sehun had done to them.

 

 

Sehun had tried, over the course of the next two weeks, to work on editing new novels, but he couldn’t. With every paragraph he read, his mind drew a blank and he’d have to reread the same paragraph several more times. He shut his computer off.

He thought with every day it would get easier and easier to cope, but it didn’t. It only got worse. And to top it off, it was “the day.” Sehun wasn’t really sure what to feel anymore. Emotionally, he was drained. Physically, he was exhausted from crying so much. He didn’t want to deal with life anymore. He didn’t want to think about anything.

He decided to call it a day and just go to bed early – at three in the afternoon. He just wanted to sleep. If he was lucky, he wouldn’t wake up at all.

But, life had other plans.

Not half an hour later, someone was banging on Sehun’s door loudly. It had given Sehun a start, but he jumped out of bed and put his slippers on. He looked out through the peephole, but no one was there. Sehun turned around to go back to his room, but the banging started again. With a shaky hand, Sehun pulled the door open.

Standing before him in all of her four-foot-five-inches was a despondent Nari, holding onto the leash of an equally gloomy-looking Nevy.

Sehun took a breath. He couldn’t believe it.

“N-Nari... what are you doing here, sweetie? Where’s your father?” He bent down on his knee so that he was on her level.

She looked at him sadly. “You promised you wouldn’t miss my birthday.”

“Oh, Nari…” Sehun pulled the girl into his arms. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“I thought you were gonna stay with me forever,” She began to sob. And with that sentence went all that was left of Sehun’s heart.

Sehun picked her up, cradling her head against his shoulder and brought her inside, along with Nevy. He sat down on the couch with her.

“Baby girl, I need to tell you something. It’s really important and you might not understand it right now, but it’s okay.” She looked up at him and Sehun swept her hair out of her face. He smiled at her fondly.

“What if… what if I told you that I was your other daddy? Like for real. Your _mommy_.”

She sniffled. “I know, Sehun. My dad always told me that my other daddy was out there somewhere. We were just waiting for him to find us. A-a-and then you did. But you left us.” She began to cry again.

Sehun held her, rocking her back and forth in his arms. “He was right, baby. I was looking for you all along. I just wish I’d realized it sooner,” He cried. “I love you so much, baby girl.”

“P-please don’t leave me again, Appa…” She whimpered.

“Never again,” Sehun wiped her tear-stained cheeks and smiled softly at her. “I promise, baby.”

Sehun sniffled and looked out the open door, realizing that Jongin still hadn’t come in. “Nari, where’s Jongin? Is he downstairs?”

She shook her head. “He doesn’t know I left. He had a really important phone call and he was taking a really long time, but me and Nevy wanted to come here and see you because it’s my birthday.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. “Oh my goodness. He’s going to be really upset.” He stood up, setting Nari on the ground. He ran a hand through his hair nervously. “Okay, Nari. We’ve got to get you back home before your daddy starts to worry, okay?”

 

 

_“For the fifth time, I need to file a missing person’s report!”_

_“No, it’s my daughter – I can’t find her anywhere!”_

_“I am calm! Will someone please just help me, dammit!?”_

_“I’ve told you already! She’s eight years old! She wouldn’t just leave the house alone! Jesus! Can you just file the report!?”_

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Jongin ran to the door and pulled it open so hard it nearly broke the hinges.

“Hi, Daddy!”

Wide-eyed, Jongin spoke calmly into the phone. “Hi, yes, I won’t be needing the report anymore. Thank you so much for assisting me.” He dropped the phone on the ground.

“Where did you go!? I was so worried! I thought you ran away!”

Sehun watched Jongin frantically pull his daughter into his arms. He had tears streaming down his face.

“I wanted to see Sehun, but you were busy.”

“Don’t you ever do that to me again, Kim Nari. I thought I lost you for good. Do you know how scared I was?!”

Nari poked her lip out. “I’m sorry, Daddy. Please don’t cry. I just wanted to see Sehun for my birthday.”

Jongin sighed, glancing at Sehun. “I know, baby, I know. But, I told you we shouldn’t bother him anymore.”

Sehun sucked in a breath. “Jongin… c-can I speak with you?”

Jongin stood up, rubbing the back of his neck. Nari skipped inside with Nevy. He motioned for Sehun to go in.

Sehun went straight to Jongin’s bedroom and the latter followed. Jongin closed the door behind them.

Sehun turned around to face Jongin. “H-hi,” He said nervously.

Jongin scoffed. “ _Hi?_ Really?”

Sehun bit his lip. “I know. I just… I don’t know where to start.”

Jongin let out a sigh. “I thought you didn’t want to see us anymore. You were… you were so pissed when you left. A-and Nari? She’s been a mess. She’s so confused and she doesn’t understand what’s going on.” He took a breath. “If you plan on leaving again…” He looked at Sehun with a mixture of anger and sadness. “Don’t come back.” Sehun’s lip quivered. “You’re just making it harder to get over you.”

“I-I… That’s just it. I don’t want to leave, Jongin.” Sehun sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. “I know I fucked up. _I’m sorry, okay?”_ He cried. “I was scared of losing you and Nari once you found out she was my daughter and I’m the one who pushed you away. I can’t forgive myself for that and I don’t expect you to, either.”

Jongin’s frown dissipated and he sat down on the bed beside Sehun, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“I was in shock. I was angry that you knew and didn’t say anything. But the thing is, now I know why you didn’t. And I’m _glad_ you didn’t tell me. Because then I would have never gotten to know what a beautiful person my daughter had grown up to be and what an amazing father she has.”

“I’m so sorry, Jongin. I’m sorry for everything,” Sehun sobbed. “I ruined our family,” He whispered dejectedly.

Jongin didn’t say a word. He just held him – comforted him. Sehun had missed being in these arms. But, right now, he was trying to memorize how they looked and what they felt like wrapped around him. He knew that he wouldn’t get this chance again.

“You kept trying to pull me back every time I wanted to run away and now I’ve run so far that I can’t even turn back,” Sehun spoke softly. “I never knew what love felt like until I met you and Nari. And I just want you to know that I’m never going to stop loving you.”

He looked at Jongin longingly. “When I leave, I promise you won’t see me again. I won’t make it hard for you to forget me.” Sehun smiled sadly. “I love you, Jongin.”

Sehun stood up, turning toward the door. Before he could even open it, a hand on his wrist stopped him.

“ _Stay._ ”


	28. Chapter Twenty-Five

“ _Stay_.”

Sehun turned around. “Jongin-“

“I’m asking you, Sehun. _Please_. Just stay.”

“I-I thought… that you hated me.”

“Sehun, that’s ridiculous. I could never hate you. I was hurt. I still am. But, I could never hate you.”

Sehun smiled, fresh tears stinging his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Jongin and buried his face in his chest. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Sehun. I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. This is my fault, too.”

Sehun shook his head, looking up at Jongin. “It’s not. It’s my fault. I was just afraid.”

Sehun started from the beginning and told Jongin everything; right up to the moment that he found out Nari was his daughter. He didn’t spare any details. He was done keeping secrets from Jongin.

Who could have thought? The nicely dressed man in the waiting room of the labor and delivery ward had been Jongin all along.

 

 

Hours later, after Jongin and Sehun had fed and bathed their precious brat of a daughter, they lay together in Jongin’s bed. The bed that Sehun had missed so much over the past two and a half weeks. They’d promised Nari that she could skip school tomorrow and they’d take her out to celebrate her birthday belatedly – just the three of them. She was excited, to say the least.

Now, Sehun was wrapped in Jongin’s arms. They were content. They’d both missed this.

“Do you think… it just feels like this was meant to be? I mean…”

“What is it?” Jongin asked softly.

Sehun shook his head with a shy chuckle. “It’s stupid.”

Jongin grinned. “Nothing you say is stupid. Just tell me.” He nudged Sehun in the stomach playfully, earning a laugh from the latter.

“I feel like we’re soul mates,” Sehun whispered, looking at Jongin with a twinkle in his eyes.

Jongin’s smile faded and he turned serious. “I really missed you, Sehun. I was miserable without you.”

Sehun kissed Jongin softly on the lips. “I’m not going to leave you again.”

Jongin laced his fingers with Sehun’s and kissed the back of his hand. “I love you, Oh Sehun. I feel like I’ve spent half my life waiting to meet you.”

Sehun smiled softly. “I love you more, Kim Jongin.”

“You know… there’s still a few minutes left of my birthday.”

Sehun hummed. “I’m really sorry that I didn’t get you anything. Tomorrow – _I promise_. I will make tomorrow special for you and Nari.”

“Well… there is _something_ you can give me tonight.”

Sehun looked at him curiously. “What’s that?”

“Your hand in marriage.”

Sehun went silent. “What?”

“I’m asking you to marry me, Sehun.”

Sehun was speechless and Jongin was anxious.

“Okay. That was a very long pause with no answer. Let’s try this again another day.”

Jongin rolled over onto his stomach, now facing away from Sehun. That had to have been the most awkward moment he’d ever experienced in his life.

A few seconds later, Sehun rolled on top of him, sitting just above Jongin’s butt.

“You’re supposed to wait for my answer,” Sehun said softly next to Jongin’s ear.

“It usually doesn’t take ten minutes for the person being asked to respond,” Jongin whispered angrily.

Sehun began to knead Jongin’s back with his hands. “Do you still want to know what my answer is?” He asked calmly.

Jongin let out a huff. “ _Yes_.”

“No.”

Jongin switched their positions, rolling over Sehun and pinning his hands above his head. Sehun was smiling like it was the funniest thing in the world, but Jongin certainly didn’t think it was. He was glaring at Sehun.

“You’re cute when you’re mad,” Sehun grinned.

“Is this a joke to you?” Jongin asked, clearly hurt.

“Jongin, do you really think I could ever tell you no?” Sehun asked quietly, freeing his hand from Jongin’s grip to caress his face softly. He grasped the hair at the base of Jongin’s neck, pulling him down, so that their faces were mere centimeters from each other. “My answer will always and forever be _yes_ ,” He whispered, finally locking his lips with Jongin’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story is going to be ending in about three chapters T_T brb I'm crying right now.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this small bit of happiness


	29. Epilogue I

**_Two Months Later_ **

“Will you marry me? Do you take _me_ to marry _you_?”

“I am going to punch you in your stupidly handsome face if you ask me again.”

“Aish… you’re so mean to me,” Jongin pouted, poking his bottom lip out.

Sehun rolled his eyes with a grin, kissing Jongin on his cheek. “Sweetheart,” He began calmly, “you’ve asked me at _least_ once a day every day since your birthday if I’ll marry you. And most of the time I’ve said yes. Why do you keep asking?”

Jongin smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “I keep thinking you’re gonna change your mind about me. I just want to make sure this is real and that I’m not dreaming.”

Sehun pinched Jongin on the arm.

“OW! What was that for?” He scowled, rubbing the spot that Sehun had pinched.

“You’re not dreaming.” Sehun smiled. “Besides, I couldn’t change my mind even I wanted to. Nari already picked out the colors for the wedding and I value my life too much to tell her that I canceled it. Plus… I think you’d look pretty cute in a tight black tuxedo,” Sehun whispered with a wink.

 

 

Sehun didn’t have much packing left to do. He didn’t own a lot. He never really had the need for much. It was going to be a bittersweet moment when it came time to say goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Lee.

“Appa?” Nari began one day. Sehun would never get tired of hearing that name.

“Yes, baby?”

“Can I still come and visit them after you move in to my house?”

Sehun smiled softly. “Of course, Nari. You can come visit them whenever you like. I think they’ll be sad if you don’t.”

Truth be told, the Lee’s didn’t have any children, so therefore no grandchildren. They were always so excited when Nari would come to see them. They spoiled her like she was their own. And Nari had basically adopted _them_.

Sehun was sure they didn’t mind it, though. He would bring her by to see them every other day while he worked on packing up his apartment. She’d sit and talk with Mrs. Lee and the sweet old woman would try her best to teach Nari a thing or two about crocheting, while little Nari would try to teach her about baseball. Sehun would always have to drag her away once she started talking about the latest game stats with Mr. Lee. They got into some pretty heated conversations.

When it was time to go, Mrs. Lee would always be sure to send them away with a box of treats that even Nari admitted rivaled Kyungsoo’s lemon bars. She’d even bake a special doggie bone for Nevy.

 

 

“Sehun, can I borrow you for a moment?”

Sehun held a finger up, typing furiously on his MacBook. “One second, I’m _almost_ finished. _Annnnnd_ … done!” Sehun smiled as he closed the laptop.

“What are you working on so hard?” Jongin grinned.

Sehun smiled excitedly. “I’m working on a little something for Nari. It’s kind of like a children’s book, only she’s the main character. Yixing has been helping me with the illustrations. I think she’s really going to like it.”

Jongin pulled Sehun into his arms, kissing his forehead. “I’m so glad to see you working on something you enjoy for a change. You seem a lot happier lately.”

Sehun gleamed. “My love, I’m always happy when I’m with you. But… you’re right. I-I’m starting to feel like my _old_ self again. I’m writing more. I’m laughing more. I’m just… I’m enjoying life more. I’m trying to, anyways.”

“You’re making friends, too,” Jongin smiled softly. “You’ve been hanging out with Yixing a lot lately. I was actually getting a little worried he might try to steal you away from me,” Jongin laughed.

“Don’t be silly,” Sehun giggled. “Yixing is as straight as an arrow.”

Jongin smirked. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. I’ve seen the way he looks at his neighbor – what’s his name? Joonmyun?” Jongin grinned. “He’s pretty cute.”

Sehun punched Jongin’s arm. “Do _I_ have to worry about said neighbor stealing _you_ away? Since he’s so cute, why don’t you go hang out with him?”

“Nonsense!” Jongin said lowly, grasping Sehun’s hips harshly. He leaned down until his lips were no more than a breath away from Sehun’s. “You’re the one I want to hang out with for the rest of my life.” He captured Sehun’s lips in a soft kiss that quickly got a little out of hand.

Sehun was pushing against Jongin, lips clashing with teeth and teeth nipping at skin. He backed Jongin against a wall, desperately trying to rip his fiancée’s shirt off. It took everything in Jongin not to lay Sehun down right there. But, for starters, he and Sehun still hadn’t gone _all the way_. (Jongin was saving that for their wedding night.) And secondly, Sehun was distracting him. Jongin had come into the living room for a reason.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,” Jongin groaned, pulling Sehun’s hands away. Sehun stared at him in frustration. “I wanted to show you something.”

“What is it?”

“Close your eyes and give me your hand.”

Jongin led Sehun out the door and up the staircase that led to the rooftop. Sehun was blindly following behind him, trying not to trip up the stairs. When they reached the top, Jongin swung the door open and carefully pulled Sehun outside.

“Okay… you can open your eyes.”

As soon as Sehun did, he let out a gasp. “Oh, Jongin… it’s beautiful.”

Rose petals were scattered everywhere with small tea lights throughout. It was almost like the last time Jongin had brought him up here – the night they shared their first snow together. The night Jongin had asked Sehun to be his boyfriend even though they were already a couple.

“There’s something else I want to show you,” Jongin smiled softly, clutching Sehun’s hand and leading him to the railing at the edge of the roof.

Sehun watched Jongin with an amused and slightly confused look on his face. Jongin looked out over the edge, until he spotted something. “There. That building there. Do you see that?”

Sehun laughed. “Jongin, what are you talking about? I don’t see-“

Sehun turned back to Jongin to find him propped on one knee.

“I know I’ve asked a million times, but let me just make it a million and one more. Look at the building again, Sehun,” Jongin smiled up at him.

Sehun slowly turned back to the building he’d been staring at. He gasped, putting his hands over his mouth in shock. The windows of the building had been lit up in synchrony to spell four simple words.

Jongin reached into his pocket and pulled out a black velvet box. “Will you marry me?”

Sehun’s lips quivered as he stared at Jongin. “ _Yes_ ,” He said tearfully. “A million and one times, yes.”

Jongin grinned as Sehun held his left hand out. Jongin nervously fumbled around trying to get the silver ring out of the box, so he could slip it on Sehun’s finger. It was a perfect fit.

Jongin stood up wrapping Sehun in his arms. “I L-Word you, Sehun.”

“I love you more,” Sehun smiled.

 

 

**_Seven Months Later_ **

September had been a perfect time to have the wedding. It wasn’t too hot and the leaves were just beginning to change colors. The park would be beautiful at this time of the year.

Sehun was already dressed in his white suit. Kyungsoo and Yixing were making a fuss over his hair. He’d dyed it an ashy dark blonde “because I wanted to do something dangerous,” as he’d put it. When he’d shown up at Kyungsoo’s apartment that morning to get ready, the shorter man nearly had a heart attack.

Chanyeol had been standing in the doorway adjusting his bowtie. He stared at the new blonde, mouth open in roaring laughter as he listened to his own husband scold Sehun for acting like a child. Chanyeol was secretly proud of Sehun. He’d come a long way since the first time Chanyeol met him. Sehun used to be so shy, but Chanyeol was glad to see that he’d learned to defy society every now and then.

“I can’t believe you did this the night before your wedding, Oh Sehun,” Kyungsoo was still grumbling about it in the car on their way to the park.

“I think it looks kind of cool,” Yixing smiled softly, adjusting a strand of that blonde hair so that it would fall aesthetically over Sehun’s forehead. “Besides, he’s not going to be _Oh_ Sehun for much longer, anyways.”

“ _Yixing_! You’re supposed to agree with _me_!” Kyungsoo pouted.

“I’m sorry, Soo. You gotta admit, the man has a sense of style.” Yixing shrugged his shoulders.

Sehun laughed. “I love you guys. How did I get so lucky to have you as my friends?”

“I’m not your friend anymore after this fashion faux pas,” Kyungsoo turned his nose up, looking away from Sehun.

“ _We’re about five minutes away, gentlemen,_ ” The driver called from the front of the car.

“Okay, it’s almost time,” Kyungsoo’s mood changed in an instant. He could never really be mad at his best friend on his wedding day, after all. “Quickly, Sehun, look at me!” Sehun did as he was told and Kyungsoo hurriedly touched up his makeup. Just a touch more eyeliner and a quick powder and Sehun was good to go.

Kyungsoo looked at him proudly. “You look so beautiful,” He said, biting back tears. He pulled Sehun into a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Sehunnie.”

 

 

“Appa still isn’t here yet,” Nari whispered anxiously to Jongin. “What if he doesn’t show up?”

Jongin deadpanned. He hadn’t been feeling nervous, but leave it to his precious daughter to make him feel more anxious than he’s ever felt in his life.

Jongin breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted the white Rolls Royce coming down the pathway into the park.

They were in the middle of the same park that Jongin, Nari, and Sehun had come to together when they first met. The makeshift aisle was lined with white chairs that were draped in a soft yellow fabric. The altar was tall and white with decorative flowers adorning the trim. It was quaint and simple, but that’s what Sehun wanted. And Jongin would give that man anything his heart desired.

Jongin made his way to front to stand with his groomsmen, while Nari ran to the back to greet her appa. She was jumping up and down excitedly when the driver pulled the door open. Yixing got out first, followed by Kyungsoo, and finally out stepped Sehun. He looked radiant in his white tux with a pastel yellow bow tie. His makeup was flawless. It wasn’t much, but it made him _glow_.

“ _Appa_ …” Nari’s mouth opened in wonder. “You look so pretty.”

Sehun bent down to give his daughter a hug. “Thank you, baby. You’re even prettier.” He smiled as he gave her a quick onceover. She looked every picture of cuteness and perfection in her white dress with her hair curled and pinned high on her head. The small basket she carried was filled to the brim with fresh flowers.

“Sehun, Nari… oh my word. You both look so beautiful.” Mrs. Lee made her way over to them. Sehun pulled her into a hug and she gave him a kiss on his cheek. “I’m glad you followed your heart, Sweetie.” She and Sehun shared a knowing look.

“Grandma Lee, thank you for making my dress! I love it so much!” Nari grinned happily, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Anything for you, my sweet girl.” She pinched Nari’s cheek softly, giving her a kind smile.

“Hey, guys, it’s time,” Yixing ushered gently, pointing to his watch.

Sehun took a breath. “Here we go.”

“It’s okay, son, we’ll be right here with you the whole time.” Mr. Lee linked his arm with Sehun’s, giving it a soft pat of reassurance. Sehun smiled at him gratefully.

The wedding party lined up, Nari first, then Kyungsoo, followed by Yixing. Sehun was in the back, Mr. and Mrs. Lee, on either side of him. This moment was finally here and Sehun couldn’t believe that he was about to be marrying the man of his dreams.

The music began and they began to walk slowly down the aisle. One by one, they took their place. The Lee’s each gave Sehun a kiss, both with tears in their eyes, and took their seat at the front. Finally, Sehun was standing before him.

Jongin was mesmerized. Sehun was godlike. His new blonde hair gave the slightest contrast against his pale skin and the smoky brown around his eyes made them pop. And his lips… oh, how Jongin wanted to kiss those pink lips.

“Hi,” Jongin mouthed nervously.

“Hey,” Sehun whispered with a smile.

“You look beautiful.”

“So do you,” Sehun grinned.

The ceremony began with a few opening words from the officiant. They went through the motions and finally, it was time for them to say their vows.

“May we have the rings please?” The officiant smiled and whistled softly. The guests looked around in confusion, but laughed when they realized who the ring bearer was.

Nevy strolled slowly down the aisle, a small pillow attached to his back that held the wedding rings. Nevy had never looked more proud. He had the most important job, after all.

Jongin reached down to retrieve the rings, giving Nevy a pat on his head. “Thanks, boy,” He whispered. Nevy took his spot beside Mr. Lee’s chair.

Jongin handed one ring to Sehun.

“Jongin, would you like to say your vows?” The officiant prompted.

Jongin took a deep breath. “We might not be perfect, but we are perfect for each other. We’ve fought a lot of battles, but we’ve always won together. And I promise that I’ll always be your frontline. My heart is your shelter and my arms will forever be your home. As long as I live, you will never have to worry. I promise you that. I love you so much, Sehun.” A tear slid down Jongin’s cheek as he slid the ring on Sehun’s finger.

“Sehun?”

Sehun smiled tearfully. “I look back at my life and realize that everything has led me to you. I used to have regrets, but not anymore. Because I realize that if I’d done even one thing differently I might have never met you. When I’m with you, all the pain I’ve ever felt seems worth it. You’ve helped me overcome the things that I could have never done alone. Thank you for not giving up on me. I vow to spend the rest of forever loving you with all of my heart.” With a steady hand, Sehun placed his ring on Jongin’s finger. He looked at Jongin and gave him a tender smile, locking their pinky fingers together. “I pinky promise.”

“With the power vested in me, by the city of Seoul, I now pronounce you partners for life. You may kiss the groom.”

Sehun and Jongin shared a soft smile. Jongin wrapped a hand around the back of Sehun’s neck, pulling him in. Their lips brushed softly at first, but Sehun quickly took over, kissing Jongin hungrily. What should have been a chaste kiss was much less than that, earning a few hoots and catcalls from the guests and groomsmen. Jongin dipped Sehun backwards, his arm at the base of his back, holding him steady as Sehun’s foot popped in the air.

“Get a room!” Nari yelled, earning a laugh from the happy couple as they broke for air.

Everyone stood up, clapping and yelling. Jongin and Sehun made their way down the aisle, followed by Chanyeol with Kyungsoo, and Yixing with his neighbor, Joonmyun.

They were stopped by many people offering their congratulations. Dr. Jang and Sooyoung had attended together. Even kind old Mrs. Nam from the adoption agency, who was more than surprised, but elated nonetheless, when Sehun had told her everything. She’d been a fan of Jongin since the beginning, and now that Sehun knew the truth, he could definitely see why.

Nari tugged on Jongin’s jacket and he hoisted her up into his arms. With his free hand, he interlocked his fingers with Sehun’s. The three of them made their way to the Rolls Royce that had been waiting for them.

“Did you remember to pack your toothbrush?” Nari questioned. “And your bathing suits? Don’t forget the sunscreen! If either of you come back with a sunburn, you can expect me to say “I told you so,” okay?”

“Alright, alright… What are we, _five_?” Jongin teased, giving his daughter a kiss on the forehead.

“In dog years, yes,” She snapped back.

Sehun chuckled, pulling Nari out of Jongin’s arms to give her a big hug. “I’m going to miss you so much, my baby girl. I already miss you and I’m not even gone yet.” He spun her around in his arms, earning a lot of giggles from the snarky, yet adorable little girl.

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Appa.” She kissed him on the cheek.

Jongin smiled at his two favorite people. He wrapped his arms around Sehun, sandwiching Nari between them.

“You know,” Nari began, trying not to smother herself between her fathers, “if you guys miss me too much and decide to come back early, I wouldn’t be mad!”

Jongin chuckled, ruffling her hair. “I love you, Sweetheart. We could never leave you for very long.”

“Guys, you’re gonna miss your flight if you don’t leave soon!” Chanyeol said, walking hand in hand with Kyungsoo.

Sehun and Jongin gave their daughter one last hug and kiss and sent her with her godparents.

“She’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Kyungsoo smiled. “I made lots of lemon bars in preparation.”

 

 

Several long hours later, they finally landed in Tahiti. Sehun had done really well on the flight. Truth be told, flying hardly fazed him anymore. He still had a long way to go, but he wasn’t the same fragile shell of a man he once was. He was becoming his own version of normal. And he was okay with that.

A local guide led them to their bungalow on the water. Sehun was stunned. It was breathtaking. He’d only seen pictures before, but even they did not do this place justice.

Jongin set their bags in the small closet. It was a small bungalow, but it was just enough for them. The bed looked straight out into the crystal clear blue water. Another beautiful, lush, mountainous island could be seen in the distance.

Sehun stepped out onto the deck, taking a breath of the fresh, fresh, island air. Jongin wrapped his arms around his waist from behind.

“Well, Mr. Kim… what do you propose we do with our afternoon?” Jongin kissed the back of Sehun’s neck.

Sehun hummed with a devious smile. “I can think of a few things…”

Jongin quirked an eyebrow as he leaned in to kiss Sehun.

Sehun had nothing other than payback in mind when he shoved Jongin, sending him flying off of their deck and into the water.

“Yah! What did you do that for!?” Jongin broke the surface with a frown on his wet face.

Sehun laughed and laughed and laughed some more. He shrugged off his shirt and jumped into the water with his husband.

“Yah! Kim Sehun, I’m talking to you!”

Sehun swam into Jongin’s arms and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “That was for the time you pulled me into the river. I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time.” Sehun smiled sweetly, rubbing Jongin’s cheek with his thumb. “Sorry, baby.”

Jongin’s frown softened and he started to grin. “You sure know how to hold a grudge.”

Jongin leaned in once again, only this time, Sehun met him halfway and connected their lips together. He nipped at Jongin’s lips, wrapping his arms around his husband’s shoulders to pull him closer. Jongin was drowning in Sehun’s every move. He drank Sehun in, his hands grasping at Sehun’s hips. The water was just shallow enough for them to stand, only coming to the top of their chests.

Sehun reached a hand beneath water. He began to unbutton Jongin’s pants. Jongin shimmied out of them, left in nothing but his boxers, and threw them onto the deck. He peeled his own shirt off and then helped Sehun out of his pants.

They stared at each other longingly for a short minute. Jongin wrapped his arms around Sehun’s waist, peppering his husband’s neck with kisses. Sehun’s breathing was becoming more uneven as Jongin began to suck on the soft, unmarked skin between his neck and shoulder. Sehun let his hands graze the rippled planes of his stomach, sliding them downwards into dangerous territory.

Sehun slid one hand inside his husband’s boxers, tentatively grasping the half-hard erection he found. Jongin pulled away from Sehun’s neck, pressing their foreheads together.

“People will see,” Jongin said softly, still trying to catch his breath.

Sehun stared into his eyes, almost daring him to keep going. “Let them.”

Jongin chuckled. “I want to, baby, I really do. But, I don’t think I wanted to get cited for indecent exposure and sent to jail in a foreign country.”

Sehun weighed his options and shrugged. “Good point.”

 

 

Jongin threw Sehun onto the bed, soaking wet from the warm, salty water. Sehun lay back with his knees bent, propped up on his elbows as he watched Jongin climb onto the bed before him. Jongin hovered over him and grazed his cheek with his index finger. He smiled softly.

“I love you, Sehun.” He bent down slowly, capturing those soft, pink lips that he was so fond of.

His hand found its way between Sehun’s legs, palming his husband’s still-clothed member. Sehun whimpered beneath him, his eyes closed in bliss.

“T-take them off…” Sehun whined. Jongin didn’t waste a moment. He grasped each side of Sehun’s white underwear and tugged them downwards.

Jongin got off the bed for only a second, so that he could take his own boxers off. He lay down beside Sehun and pulled the man into his arms. He pushed a strand of wet, blonde hair out of Sehun’s eyes.

“Hi,” Jongin said softly, as if he were seeing Sehun for the first time.

Sehun returned his smile. “Hey, there.”

“You’re beautiful,” He whispered.

Sehun grinned, a blush forming on his cheeks. “I could say the same about you.”

Jongin chuckled, rolling over on top of Sehun. Sehun wrapped his arms around Jongin’s broad back, spreading his legs so that Jongin fit perfectly between them. He tilted his head up so that Jongin could kiss him. They kissed like it was their first time – not timid or nervous, but soft and loving.

Jongin bent his hips downwards, his own length brushing against Sehun’s. Sehun hummed a soft noise of approval as he kissed his husband. Jongin did it again and continued his ministrations until Sehun was panting beneath him.

Jongin slid his hand down, letting it dance across Sehun’s inner thigh. He slowly made his way further between his husband’s legs, until one finger was pressing ever so gently against his entrance. He massaged it slowly, letting Sehun adjust to the new feeling.

Sehun’s head fell back in a silent cry of approval.

“Are you ready, Sehun?” Jongin asked quietly.

Sehun nodded. “Make love to me, Jongin.”

Jongin reached over and pulled open the drawer in the table beside their bed. A small bottle of massage oil had been provided with the room. It would have to work. He uncapped the bottle and squirted some of the oil into his hands.

He bent down, kissing Sehun hungrily as his hand found Sehun’s puckered entrance once again. He massaged some of the oil over Sehun’s hole, slowly and steadily inserting the tip of his finger. Sehun scrunched his eyes at the intrusion, but it certainly wasn’t unwelcome. It was just new.

Sehun was ready this time around. He longed for this. He was a married man now. Nothing could be more perfect. Nothing could harm him here.

Jongin began to slide his finger in and out, eventually adding a second, and then a third finger at Sehun’s approval. Sehun was in total bliss. Jongin made him feel so good. He was sliding his bum down to meet Jongin’s fingers each time, his back arching off the bed.

Jongin bent down, taking one of Sehun’s pert, pink nipples between his lips and flicking it with his tongue. Sehun bit back a moan. He gripped Jongin’s damp hair in his hands, his knuckles turning white.

Jongin removed his fingers from Sehun’s rear and pressed his length against the stretched opening. He tried to distract Sehun with a kiss as he pushed himself inside, but Sehun took a sharp inhale of breath, wincing a little at the feeling.

“Be gentle with me, okay?” Sehun whispered nervously, breaking their kiss to look Jongin in the eyes.

Jongin kissed his nose. “I wouldn’t dream of being anything else.”

He began to pull out slowly, then pushed right back in. He was going at a snail’s pace because he knew this would be painful for Sehun. To him, Sehun was a virgin. It didn’t matter what had happened before or that he had already given birth. Sehun was pure in his eyes. And Jongin would make sure that his first time was how it _should_ have been.

Pretty soon, a new feeling of pleasure began to take the place of the pain and Sehun began to rock his hips in time to Jongin’s thrusts. Jongin sped up until the sound of skin slapping against skin and his husband’s not-so-subtle cries of ecstasy were the only noises to be heard.

Jongin made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, trying desperately not to finish just yet. He wanted Sehun to enjoy this, but it was getting harder for Jongin himself to hang on. It wasn’t just the way Sehun felt around his length. It was Sehun himself. He was so goddamned perfect and Jongin was absolutely enamored.

Sehun wrapped his legs around Jongin’s waist, pulling him in more and more. Jongin eyed Sehun like a curious wonder, watching as the younger man bit his lip sensually. Sehun’s toes curled and his mouth opened in a silent scream when Jongin began to stroke his length.

Jongin’s skin prickled as he felt Sehun clenching him and sucking him in deeper. He continued his ministrations on Sehun’s member, the tip already leaking a sticky fluid. Shockwaves rolled through Sehun’s body as a string of sticky white matter shot out onto Jongin’s hand and his own stomach.

Jongin scrunched his eyes shut. The feeling of Sehun’s walls fluttering around his member in the aftershocks of his orgasm was sending him over the edge. He shakily gave one last thrust before he was ejaculating with a cry of Sehun’s name flooding his lips.

He pulled out slowly, quaking as he collapsed on top of his husband. Sehun wrapped his arms around Jongin, wiping a bead of sweat from his brown bone. He and Sehun shared another kiss, one that was soft and unhurried.

“I love you, Kim Jongin,” Sehun murmured, his voice raspy from near yelling.

“I love you more, Kim Sehun,” Jongin whispered, pressing a kiss to Sehun’s collarbone.

“I’m ready for round two,” Sehun said languidly.

Jongin chuckled. “Already?”

Sehun hummed. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for.”

Jongin grinned cheesily. “Then, let’s spend the rest of our lives making up for it.”

Jongin grabbed Sehun’s hand and began to draw circles across the back of it with his thumb. “Oh, by the way, baby? I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

“Mmhm?” Sehun mumbled.

“I bought you a house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be 2 more epilogue chapters. Hope this ended the way you guys had hoped. I kept feeling like even though it had been over year and a half for them that I was still moving too fast for Sehun. My goal was always to make this story as true-to-life as possible (never mind about the mpreg okay lol). But, I hope that I was mostly able to achieve that. It has been a fun two and a half years with you guys and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I know there are still questions left to be answered and I plan on doing that in the last two chapters. If there's anything that you are curious about, let me know and I'll do my best to include it in the next chapter or maybe even write a one shot about it.


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